annie's ankle

April 29, 2011 - A Saturday

2011-04-30T13:16:00.000-04:00

New socket delivered on Monday. This one is V-Pin technology - that's vacuum pin. Artistically, it is a success. I will get a picture out here, maybe before the day is over as I have grandchildren around to take one, and new technology that makes it easy to get from there to here. So far, I am not having any limb problems with this socket. However, I don't think it will be as easy to do the reciprocal stair thing with it as it was with the suction socket that I had that had to go. What I can do however, that I couldn't do before (before is with the last working socket) is the elliptical bike or walking machine or whatever it is. Now I need to get back to the gym and get working on it. And I went to Chico's one day this week and tried on pants, something I was not willing to do with the "before" socket because it was sometimes a challenge to get it on. The prosthetist talked about "the pin dance" - all the stepping around that sometimes happens to get the pin in the ratchet based socket into the ratchet. I didn't want to be in a dressing room doing the pin dance. This new one is an easy on job.

Life has been too busy otherwise, and I'm not sure why. And it's gonna keep being busy until the middle of June. My plan is to do what has to be done - to quilt in between - to get back to the gym in between and get back to work on my body. The bout of pneumonia and the socket that "had to go" set me back a bit. But spring is here, my garden is beautiful and I have an urge to go a local nursery and buy some plants. (I've been looking at on-line nurseries, but I need to touch the darn plants. So, I'm gonna stack up the rest of the papers spread out on my dining room table and take that nursery trip.

A haiku as I was getting the first new socket -

Some feet work better
Some feet don't work at all
I want feet that dance

April 19, 2011

2011-04-19T14:32:00.000-04:00

Measured for next socket this morning. Instead of a cast, a computer image of my limb was generated. Apparently that goes to a carving machine where a foam limb that matches mine is carved. That foam is then used to create a plastic liner for the new socket. This is done in Tempe Arizona as I am going with the V-Pin technology; it's newer technology; its being quality controlled by Hangar at the Tempe site for a while longer. The liner is then sent back to Hangar here in Pittsburgh where a test socket is made using the liner as the model. Next week I try on the liner and the test socket. If it fits, that is then used as the basis for building the actual socket. In this technology, the plastic liner has the V-Pin in it - the pin that causes the vacuum to form in the socket once its on. I'll let you know how it works in a couple of weeks. And now, I have to make a new cover for the socket so I have it ready next week when the final socket building takes place. I'm working with very light fabrics, not my metier. I'll figure this out.

Friday, April 15, 2011

2011-04-15T10:13:00.000-04:00

The scoop on the limb and the prosthesis - new prosthesis did not fit exactly right. Space between the bottom of the liner (which fits tightly on the limb) and the bottom of the socket. Thus, this great technology which is supposed to pretty much a vacuum around the limb, left a vacuum space between the bottom of the limb and the bottom of the socket. The bottom of my limb (distal surface) was constantly sucked down by the vacuum pressure, but couldn't really go down, because the bottom was too far away (2cm). Anyway, I returned to the old socket for now, and will be re measured for a new socket this coming Tuesday. This time, instead of a casting, Hangar (the prosthetic makers) will use computer imaging of my leg - which they believe to be more exact. And I am going to move on to the next newest technology - something called a V-pin - that's vacuum pin. More descriptions of this in the future. For me, it is aesthetically more pleasing than the suction system that I just parted with. The suction system had a neoprene sleeve over much of the outside of the socket so you couldn't see the art. I also believe there is more positive contact between the bottom of the limb and the bottom of the socket.

That's the story for now. Still have a bit more healing to do but I haven't gotten any infections in the wounded area - and that's critical. Will have a new socket in about two weeks. Pneumonia is about all gone. A couple of more days of limb healing and I hope to get back to the gym.

Monday, April 11. 2011

2011-04-11T17:01:00.000-04:00

So - here's the scoop. I am sitting at home in my wheelchair - I'm not in State College - and I'm not bounding around on the new leg. I was bounding around on it yesterday. Walked dog, Rags, up to "The Square" for his every three month grooming appointment and walked back. Took myself to church. Picked up Rags on way home (in car) and chatted with some neighbors as I was driving down our alley. My son was at my house working on the gate for the new fence he is working on to keep Moose from leaving home when I'm gone. He hadn't seen the new leg and was most impressed with my gait. And I was becoming more impressed with it too. Also was practicing the stair thing and getting better and better at it. So we sat down in the yard and I took the leg off to show him how it worked. When I took the gel liner off, we both looked at the limb and went "oh-oh - trouble" Bottom of limb was covered with blisters, some of them popping.

Wheelchair was in the house as I had used it to move 50 pound bag of dog food from car to house. James moved dog food from chair, I got in chair, and I'm here for a couple of days. Will use leg to go up and down stairs - for bed time and urgent requirements until this heals. And no one at the prosthetist place on Sunday and no one in the rehab doc office. And what would they do anyway. So, I got prosthetist early this morning and went in for them to take a look. Got to let limb heal before we can really figure out what is going on. Limb is too swollen with this insult to go all the way into the prosthesis. I am going to the prosthetic clinic on Wednesday and we'll see what comes of that. Mostly I think I just have to wait a bit. Good news, less good news.

On a different note, I was not planning on being home this week, so I took the opportunity today to sort piles of papers. Filled a recycle bag with unneeded current papers. It would be good to go through some of the older ones, and maybe tomorrow, I will take on a pile tucked in a less visible space. I do want to sew - and I am going to shut this down and go make a couple of quilt blocks right now. Think I will watch the news at the same time. I am so disappointed with the state of our nation and the state of the world that I have turned off - not the right thing to do. So I'll do the right thing and turn on CNN and see what Wolf is reporting for a bit.

I'll keep you posted.

April 9, 2011 = a Saturday

2011-04-09T21:34:00.000-04:00

Compared to yesterday, this will be a brief post. My goal for the day was to finish my tax returns. I used TurboTax and had started the tax process before I went on vacation. All done; all submitted; now I have to come up with some money for the feds by April 18. I can do this.

And because I finished my work mid-afternoon - I took myself to the movies and saw The Lincoln Lawyer. I liked the book. The movie was pretty darn true to the book. I liked the movie!

About the new leg..... I am more comfortable with it today than I was yesterday for sure. I walk different with it. I can feel the heel-toe movement in the foot. Couldn't feel that with the other leg. And didn't have it for many years before that with the fused ankle. Also have a little more movement in the knee. All of this makes walking feel a bit strange. I am using a couple of different muscles in my upper thigh - maybe even in my belly to do this this walking thing. It is most interesting, but I feel somewhat unstable.

There is a special clinic at Hangar prosthetics in Pittsburgh this coming week. Hangar is/are the folks who make my prosthetic. They are having one of their super-prosthetists visiting and reviewing clients with prosthetics. I am supposed to be in State College, but I think I will come back to Pgh on Wednesday so I can be part of this clinic. I'm going to call them Monday morning and see if I can still get scheduled. I want to know that this thing and I will become much friendlier with each other.

And that's my brief update. I'll keep you posted.

April 8, 2011

2011-04-08T17:13:00.000-04:00

It's almost a year since my right leg was amputated. And today, I got my third socket. It's a different kind of socket, and I'm not quite comfortable with it. The last beauty was held on the limb by a pin and ratchet system. This socket is held on the limb by suction. Air goes out the bottom of the socket when you pop your limb into it. Then, a hearty sleeve is pulled over a large part of the socket and up high on the thigh. Now, limb from thigh down is encased like a sausage, sort of like being vacuum packed. (There is a more sophisticated system where vacuum packing is really used, and that is likely to be next). I think I will call the doc and see if I can't get some PT so that I really master this. I want to be able to go down stairs reciprocally. I think this socket will support that, but I need some help figuring out how to do it and then practicing that.

In terms of beauty, I had made another covering for this socket - and I will get some pictures of it and put them out here (I think I can figure that out) as well as on my facebook page. I am not as pleased with this socket as art as I am with the first one. Maybe, it's because the big black sleeve covers a large part of the socket, and maybe it's because I didn't put enough colors in it. What I learned it that once the covering (tattoo in prosthetic terms) is fitted to the socket, resin is poured over all. The resin has deepened/darkened the colors of the tattoo - and because it wasn't as multi-colored to start with, it is less interesting, This is another learning experience.

I was away last week with my Santa Fe Women (SFW) friends. We stayed at a place on Marco Island, Florida. Did some walking, took a boat ride in the Everglades, but the really exciting thing for me was a kayaking trip on an inland bayou. It had been a few years since I thought I could get in and out of a kayak. We were in open top kayaks, and with a little help, I was able to get in and out. Getting in and out did mean walking in the water with the prosthetic foot, and the foot filled with water during the walk. It was very heavy on the way back to the hotel. Then I took off the leg and dumped, not realizing how much water there really was in it. Quite a bit, it turns out. Prosthetist said that fresh water probably won't hurt the foot (there are mechanical parts in it that move and shake as I walk), but if I was in salt water, I for sure needed it cleaned out. Anyway prosthetist, Sam, cleaned it up this morning as part of the whole "new leg" business, so I am good to go there. I am NOT going to white water, but I am looking forward to more float trips.

Among my SFW friends, I am the most unreasonable eater. A couple of them (much smaller than me to start with) are currently doing Weight Watchers (WW) - with great success - and a couple have done it in the past. So, my friends really encouraged me to more rational eating and I went to a WW meeting this week with one of them. Hopefully, this puts me back on a sane food plan and I can begin again, to work on removing those excess pounds.

I went off to Florida in the early recovery stages from a bout of walking pneumonia. I am almost done with it. I am heading to State College to work next week, and when I come home, I am planning to be fully recovered from the pneumonia so that I can go back to the gym.

And now I am off to an fiber art show at the Pittsburgh Center for the Arts. I have a friend with a most interesting quilt hanging in the show and I want to be there with her when the show opens. Time to spiff up and go.

February 13, 2011

2011-02-13T10:51:00.002-05:00

It's a Sunday morning and I am skipping church so that I don't get in a time bind in just a little while. I am taking my grand daughter AliBeth to lunch and to the Pittsburgh Ballet in an hour and a half. We will be sure to enjoy lunch and I hope we enjoy the ballet, it's a performance of Dracula.

I just returned for a week away - with IT Leaders programs - at Penn State University in State College PA and then to Green Bay for a University of Wisconsin program. This work continues to energize me - leadership development with folks that I consider "young" from these different university systems. It was really a treat to be back in Wisconsin with some folks that I knew when I was there, but mostly with folks who were new faces to me, and of course with my friend Kathy, the CIO at UW-Green Bay. Brian, our fearless leader, talked about a couple of things at these programs that are pertinent to me right now - change - and how our brain integrates new behaviors (practice, practice, practice). I have been thinking about these things on a very personal level, so I'm going to ruminate a bit in this blog.

I am committed to addressing body issues this year. For me, that's about an exercise program and a weight reduction program. To those ends, I have joined a new health club and I have joined weight watchers. I'm going to both. The gym thing is much easier than the weight thing. If you go to the gym, you work out while you are there, and you get stronger. I am working with a trainer - that's simply something that happens when you join this place - ten sessions - I'm up to session five tomorrow - and we are figuring out what will work best for me. In terms of endurance work, I can't do the bicycles or rowing machines with this prosthetic (that's another story and I'll get to it, if not today, in a couple of days - because it is a big "change" thing for me - and a bit scary) but I can do the treadmill - and I can watch CNN while I do it so I don't get freaky about "wasting time" - my brain has a place to be. Jonas, the trainer I am working with is working with me on some of the weight machines - and also on stretching - and that feels so good. My sense is that all I have to do is show up and this program will work.

The weight thing is much harder. Showing up doesn't do it. I even went to a weight watchers meeting in State College this week - but you don't lose weight by going to the meetings. You have to put the program into practice 100% of the time. I can more-or-less do that if I am at home, but I am not yet able to do it when I am out and the food is in front of me. Buffets - and there are lots of them in the places I go - are killers. I can do the salad bar - but there is all of this other stuff - and I just want to taste it - and then taste it again. I have mostly passed up desserts, but then there are the chocolate taffy nuggets (like malt balls, but with taffy inside) on the break table at Penn State. I have not been able to pass them up. I know I have a brain with some addiction wired into it. And I've worked hard to leave some major stuff behind, but this food stuff still has me. I'm going to be home for the next two weeks, and I am going to work at the program trying to reset my brain around food during that time. And I will keep showing up at the meetings (and that's hard for me to do if I am not showing a change (down) on the scales). This is a huge personal challenge for me.

And now the prosthesis thing. Turns out, when I am working out in the gym, I get sweaty - sort of supposed to - but the sweat on the limb in the gel liner (and that liner holds the prosthetic leg and foot on) causes the liner to slip - and I find myself with the liner maybe an inch - maybe more lower than the end of the limb. A bit weird. I figure out that, when I am done exercising I need to take off the liner, dry off the limb, dry off the inside of the liner, and dress the limb back up again. But it didn't seem to me this should be happening. Liners come in different sizes. The liners (I have two, I wash one every day so it is ready for the next day) were fitted when I got my first prosthesis. The limb has shrunken substantially since then. So I wondered if it was time for, new, smaller liners. So, I made an appointment to see Harry - a new (to me) prosthetist. (Bobby, who I have been working with since the amputation has gone off to run a West Virginia office for Hangar - my prosthetics group. So I saw Harry last Monday morning - just before taking off for State College. Harry had just come back from a week's training session on new technologies/equipment so he was full of information. Harry measured my limb and agreed that I certainly needed a new liner - but with a new liner comes a new socket. (You have probably all checked out my quilted socket by now). And then Harry started talking to me about different kinds of sockets - and he thinks that I should have a different kind of socket. My socket is held to my limb by a screw on the bottom of the liner and a ratcheting device in the socket. Harry suggests that sockets that are held on my suction pressure or by vacuum pressure are much friendlier to the limb. The liners can't rub up and down on the limb as the liner that ratchets in does. Also, the inflexible part of the socket does not have to come up as high on the limb so that riding stationary bikes and working rowing machines cease to be impossibilities. But they are different. Getting in and out of them is a different experience. Learning to use them appropriately is a new challenge. (And I would have to figure out a new quilt covering - but that part will be fun). This liner and socket has become so easy. I know how to slip into the liner and the socket quickly in the night when I need to go to the bathroom. I have learned to walk well in it. I don't carry a cane unless I am looking at ice on the ground. This week I had "A" seats in two of the airplanes (I usually try for "B" seats which are on the aisle with my prosthetic limb on the aisle side) and I was able to slip into and out of the seats and was comfortable on the flights (they were short - on a long flight I would be more adamant about the aisle seat). I feel as if there is a "spring" in my step again. And Harry thinks I should change that. I told Harry I would check back in with him in about six weeks. In the meantime, I am going to plan a little more time for the gym so that I can dry the liner and limb after the treadmill and again after the weights and stretching. And I will take son James with me on next visit to Harry so I have someone who thinks about me and this stuff with me while I decide what my next prosthesis will be. There are four options - (1) what I have but smaller again, (2) V something - a screw and ratchet system but the screw is hollow so that air pushes out as you insert the limb in the socket and you have some modest suction, (3) suction, and (4) vacuum. I need to do more research on the pluses and deltas of each of these before I take the next step.

So - this is where I am now in my public ruminations. It's time to get dressed, get AliBeth, head to lunch (someplace where I can have sushi which is fine on the weight watchers plan and she can have something else) and head to Dracula. More about all of this as time goes by.

January 30 2011, Sunday

2011-01-30T08:41:00.002-05:00

An early morning observation, if you only have one foot, you only have one set of toenails, so cutting toenails takes just half as much time. Gifts come in the strangest ways.

Yesterday was an absolutely do nothing day for me - and I'm working at thinking that was okay. I awoke at 6 am and picked up the book I was reading Barbara Kingsolver's Prodigal Sumer. (My book club is discussing it this coming Thursday). I didn't get out of bed until I finished it, not even to feed the dogs. Got up ad 12:45, but on some flannel clothes, fed the dogs, checked e-mail and sat down in front of the TV. Never do I do this. I watched two John Wayne western movies, fed myself and the dogs modestly in between the movies, and then went back to bed (by now it is 8 pm and dark and dreary out). Picked up another book , The Inside of a Dog, and was aslepp by 9 o'clock. What a weird day this was for me. Can't do this again for a long time.

The day before was really busy with two stints at the gym and snow shoveling. Perhaps that was what it was about. That level of work out had the nerves in the limb really talking to me - and that is not a comfortable conversation.

And now for another busy - and fun - day. Off to the 9:30 church service - lunch and the theater (Carousel) with grand daughter, AliBeth, then to dinner with friends. And tomorrow, I simply can't pull another lazy day because it is full too.

Send out good thoughts to the universe for sunshine.

January 20, 2011

2011-01-20T17:13:00.002-05:00

Not blogging very much anymore, am I? I used the blog as a way to tell my friends what was going on with the leg amputation process and learning to walk with a prothesis. It also helped me ponder and diary this difficult time for myself. And now that I am back to living my daily life without that being my major preoccupation, I have neglected this thinking, record keeping and communication strategy. And maybe that's okay. There are things I could certainly write about because life is always interesting and often comical. It's just that it's not the stuff of high drama that having a leg cut off represents. So - here's the haiku (not quite)

Do I keep blogging?

Do I use facebook instead?

Decisions decisions.

I do put an occasional entry on facebook. It's a medium that supports cryptic messages, in other words, quick and dirty. And because I visit facebook daily to check on the status of my daughter and grandchildren in Cape Town, it's easy to drop a quick message there. Blogging requires a bit more thought, and for me, more time. And there are a lot of stories to tell, if I elect to take the time to tell them, and if I had any idea if any one wanted to read them. For example:

I am now in Champaign-Urbana and getting here from Pittsburgh was a 27 hour adventure by plane and then bus. Bags arrived three days later. American Airlines paid me money for the inconvenience. Struggled with hotel about rooms with walk-in showers. This summary does not tell the story and it would take a while.

Do I tell stories about the trip to South Africa - Kruger National Park, Robbens Island with a prior political prisoner (personal tour), the townships, the glorious landscape, being with family? Multiple stories here to tell.

Then there is the story about the wound on my head. (Oh, also the one about falling getting out of bed in South Africa because I was half asleep and forgot I didn't have a leg). But back to the wound on my head. Could it be African Sleeping Sickness? Was I gonna be dead soon? (Answer is no, but question was asked and I lived with it for a couple of days).

Another blog opportunity - what's next for me? I am pondering whether I want to continue to live in my house. Probably not. Then what do I want to do, how do I want to live instead? And can I part with some of the beautiful stuff that I have surrounded myself with if I decide to live smaller?

Lots of stuff. Shall I take the time to write it down? If I only write occasionally is that enough? Do I need a more deliberate practice of putting my thoughts into words? Is a blog the right format?

So, I am thinking in this electronic media instead of in a paper diary.

And now, because I have an evening to myself in a lovely hotel in Champaign, IL, I'm going to see if there is a movie on TV.

December 30. 2010, Pittsburgh PA

2010-12-30T14:58:00.002-05:00

Arrived home from Cape Town last night by midnight. Plane arrived at 11 pm. Left Cape Town at 1 am. All done in one day with actual lapsed time of 31 hours - airport boarding to final deplaning. Went from Cape Town to Amsterdam, Amsterdam to Minneapolis, Minneapolis to Pittsburgh. Why Minneapolis you might ask? I don't have an answer - I thought I had booked home flight thru Detroit. Found that I slept for most of those 31 hours, and slept again when I came home. My airplane behavior seemed to be, board, read a little, fall asleep, wake up when food comes by, read a bit more, fall asleep, repeat. Trip went fast. I can do that again.

Haven't figured out the best way to travel in terms of prosthetic leg. I know to get an aisle seat so my prosthetic is in the aisle. That way I can slip put of the socket and stand up and slip into it again. But all those hours in the gel liner - and that would be about 31 plus and additional 14 or so hours or so (from waking up in Cape Town on Tuesday morning to going to bed in Pittsburgh around 1 am Thursday - 45 hours in same gel liner with no break - is really hard on the skin. Skin breaks out in red blotches - almost like skin burns - probably resembles a baby's diaper rash. Actually, I should put myself on bed without liner on for a while as soon as I finish this to give the limb some healing air time. There are a couple of groups of lower limb amputees out there on the web and I should join one. I don't have to reinvent this stuff for myself; it's time to talk to other folks about how they do it.

Other limb related incident while on my sojourn in Cape Town has left me with a beautiful black eye. One of my nights in the lovely little house in Muizenberg - half asleep, I decided it was time to get out of bed to pee. I forgot I didn't have a lower limb. So, I landed on the floor, kerplunk, after hitting my forehead on the corner of the cabinet by the bed. I forget I was semi-legless once before while in rehab and tried to step out of my wheelchair - to pick up something I dropped - and also took a tumble, but that was when the amputation was fresh. This event surprised me. Fortunately, niece and nephew were in the house in the other bedroom and both came running. They replaced me in the bed after my potty break; niece fed me arnica and rubbed some homeopathic ointment on my head. I was given an ice pack, and I had no idea of the state of the bump or the bruise until the next morning. Other body parts hurt next day post fall, but it's the black eye that is rather stunning.

Other than that, the leg was not a serious limiter on the trip. Did some limited walking - but wasn't about to hike the hill to the lighthouse at Cape Point or trek to the top of Table Mountain. Would not have been able to do that with foot as it had been for the last few years either. And in Kruger Park, unless you sign up for extended hikes with guides with guns, all of the exploration is in your car. Staying in car was a struggle for some members of my family, and on more than one occasion, park guards came by to reiterate the need to stay in car. On one occasion, in a small road bypass, son-in-law decided he was going to step outside car (I don't remember reason), and a slew of Vervet monkeys slid down, jumped down, almost flew down - out of the tree he was standing by. Don't think they were planning to attack him, but they certainly were not happy with him. He quickly returned to car. Glad it was not baboons in the tree, or the home of hyenas. I did not get out of the car on our sojourns. And I did adopt the front side of the Mercedes we got from Hertz (because the smaller cars - as we requested were all gone). We had the one Mercedes and one VW Polo for our five days in the park. I knew where I belonged.

Those are the leg adventures on the trip. The rest of the trip stories are about the wonders we saw and the pain and poverty we saw. Perhaps I will put them out here or find another home for the stories. I am so glad that I went. I could have stayed longer and seen and done more, but I did have some experience of living in a middle class community in a white part of Cape Town. This is such a segregated city - economically and physically. And those are the other stories.

To my friends, it is almost the new year. I wish you Joy and more Joy in the coming year as well as peace and love and good health.

December 19, 2010 - Cape Town ZA

2010-12-19T07:12:00.002-05:00

I have chosen to have a quiet day. Niece and twin 15 year old boys arrived last nite. Large part of my family has gathered here in Cape Town. And they have all gone someplace - eight of them - piled into one VW Polo. It looked like a clown car this morning. I said, "no thank you" and I'm here chillin'. Tomorrow we all (nine of us) head for Kruger National Park for four days. This is a huge adventure for all. Unsuccessful in renting a large van - so we will drive two cars and that may be for the best. Communication with each other by phone. I love this menagerie of humans, but not for too long at one time.

So, I probably didn't report that I brought a sewing machine with me to Africa. I figured I couldn't go a month without a bit of stitchin'. And when I opened unpacked it to stitch, the darn thing wouldn't turn. Nephew David (mechanical engineer) and I tried to take it apart to see if we could fix whatever was broken, but there is some magic to getting these things open all the way. Finally took it to Africa Sewing Machines; they fixed it quite promptly. So, today, I am continuing to make some blocks for the quilt that will match my prosthetic leg. I think I figured that I need about eighty 5.5 inch squares. And these are simply not the quickest squares to put together. I just did three in the last couple of hours. That takes me to twenty some. Might still be working on these when I go on my next Wisconsin quilt gathering the end of February.

Walking is okay. But I am not going to walk up any mountains with anyone. Prefer walking where there are coffee shops every half mile or so (or book stores with chairs for perusing good stuff), places to stop, get off the foot, let body regroup.

The baboons - we went to Cape Point - end of the Cape of Good Hope - and on the way came into close contact with a conference of baboons. Big ones, little ones, moms, dads, babies. They had taken over the road and a large parking lot on the side of the road. They were happily breaking antenna off cars, using cars as trampolines, and simply gathering in this place. A small truck with a covered back and pulling a small trailer, apparently had food in car. This was a great attraction for this conference. They broke into the car and dragged out all the edibles and then spread out over the area. We sat for almost an hour in our car watching. Will put up some pictures and maybe a video or two on facebook when I get home.

Gonna see if I can get six of these blocks done before family (mine, not the baboon family) reconvenes. Will leave sewing machine with granddaughter, Maeve, for the balance of her stay in Cape Town.

December 14, 2010, update from Cape Town

2010-12-14T11:10:00.002-05:00

This is an 'annies ankle' blog, not a travel log - but I don't imagine I will ever get this far from home again. Not only is this a different continent, it's a different hemisphere. What I love most about being here right now is he day light. Sun rises some time around 5 am and sets sometime around 7:30 pm. This is truly a luxury in December. The warmth is nice too, but the day light matters even more.

About my ankle - I am sure that I am walking more than a mile in one fell swoop. My nephew, David, and I are in the area of Cape Town called Muizenberg. Daughter Julie lives in area called Observatory. David and I are at the beach. Julie - with car - is much closer to downtown. So David and I are doing some walking. Today we took the metro train three stops to area called Kalk Bay, hit all the little shops along the main street and some of the side streets in this beach town (David says it was like Leucadia on the California coast just north of San Diego - I say it is like I remember Malibu in the late 50's or Leucadia in the 80's). We had lunch at Kalky's right on False Bay where the fishing boats come in.

Yesterday we visited one of the townships located within the city of Cape Town, Masiphumelele. This is the smallest township - occupies about one square mile, population more than 24,000. We visited the library, a creche (day care center - 65 small children in one very small room) and then we experienced a healing ceremony led by a Sangoma and a Sangoma in training. Then Charlotte, our Khosa guide, took us to her shack for tea and conversation. I could write pages about the creche, the healing ceremony, and the visit with Charlotte. Walking the streets of the township was an interesting challenge, and even more challenging was walking the rocky dirt paths between mazes of shacks to get to the shack of the Sangomas and then out of the maze again.

A couple of days ago walking back from the beach in Muizenberg, I tripped on a manhole cover. Thought for sure I was gonna land on my face, as that is the direction I was going. Managed to move both legs forward quickly, almost in a run, until I went from halfway horizontal to vertical again. Daughter and nephew applauded. (Nephew was about to grab me, but I moved forward to fast for him to do that). Was a bit shaky after this, but clearly, I succeeded in doing something I didn't know I could do. I keep thinking that I have plateaued in the use of this prosthesis, then I have to look at how far I am walking in one episode right now as well as that recovery from an almost fall and realize I am continuing to gain mobility and endurance. And I have to remember, I actually jumped off the train one day this week because the step was a bit too high. That was pretty weird - didn't really know I was gonna do it, but I did.

December 10, Saturday morning in Cape Town

2010-12-11T03:54:00.002-05:00

I have invited some neighbors and other folks I have met over for tea (iced) and something else this afternoon. Grandaughter Maeve is with me this morning and we are trying to bake. Her assignment was banana muffins, mine gingerbread. We got through the banana muffins with only minor extra darkness on top and a bit of icing seems to have solved that. Then I put the ginger bread in the oven. Oven temperature only goes to 260 degrees - and then something that says something about higher. So, I set oven to highest possible temperature. When ginger bread was totally burnt on the top, I realized I had a problem. And then came the "ah-hah". The thermostat on this oven must be talking to me in centigrade instead of Farenheit. 350 degrees Farenheit is something like 170 centigrade. So, we peeled the burnt top off the ginger bread and now have the remainder baking at 170 C. It is taking too long though, so I am not sure how to master this oven.

There is a good bakery about 1/2 mile from here, and if we need to, we will walk over and buy goodies for our little meet-and-great.

Other news, yesterday was the day to visit the penguins. Hope to meet a neighbor today who was a prisoner on Robbin Island and talk to him about how to do the best visit. Have a trip planned to one of the townships with a guide for this coming week. And have our four day safari to Kruger National Park all booked for right before Christmas. I love the long days - the sunshine - the 70F weather.

Decmber 7, 2010, From Cape Town ZA

2010-12-07T12:52:00.002-05:00

Learning to translate Rands to dollars and dollars to Rands. R7 is just a little more that $1. Means you have to think in much bigger numbers for groceries and stuff than I am use to. A grocery bill of R1400 is $202.75 today.

Some interesting and new experiences/learnings:

1 - Their are "security guards" in all public parking lots and major streets. They watch your car while you are gone, direct you out of your parking space, may direct you to a parking space and expect to be tipped. It seems that R5 is the going tip.

2 - The stove in my house - it is the same size as a large toaster oven. It has two electric burners on top of a high powered toaster oven. Not exactly what I am use to cooking on/in, but I did good roasted vegetables one night and tonight I did a chicken curry on the stove top. I like lots of things about this place, but I could do with "more" stove.

3 - BBQing is a big thing here. The BBQ is called a "Bri" (rhymes with try and fry) and the process is also called "to bri". Did that the nite of the roasted vegetables. (Not sure of the spelling of bri).

4 - Grandaughter Maeve has been learning some SA expressions in school. Turns out that 'now' implies 'eventually', 'now-now' seems to mean 'pretty soon' and 'non-now-now' means 'right away'.

5 - Wind has been fierce in Muizenberg the last two days - probably in all of Cape Town, but really fierce here - blows the curtains in house so much (as I left a window partially open when I went out) that it sets off house alarm.

6 - About alarm - everything is locked and alarmed. Doors and windows all have bars - pretty ones - but bars. House is alarmed. There is a safe in the house and I am told it is best to lock things like computers in safe before leaving. Poverty with associated theft is rampant.

I think trip to Kruger National Park is planned. It will be a four night adventure with all of family that is here. Hope we see some of those large animals.

And next thing to do is plan a guided visit to a township. And of course, simply take off to see the penguins and baboons and ostriches.

December 5, 2010, From Cape Town ZA

2010-12-05T12:10:00.002-05:00

I'm not sure I believe it. I have one real leg and one prosthetic leg, I had a skin thing removed from my arm in Pittsburgh on Monday, I am going to be 75 years old tomorrow and here I am in a beautiful little house three blocks from the beach in the part of Cape Town called Muizenberg. The beach is at False Bay, the bay where the Indian Ocean and the Atlantic Ocean meet.

About the traveling part of the trip. First snow in Pittsburgh as I was getting ready to go the the airport. A friend took me to the Pittsburgh airport with two full bags - one at 49.5 pounds and the other with a sewing machine in it, in case I get bored. Bags were full because daughter Julie asked if I would bring clothing I was no longer interested in for the woman (Vat??) who cleans her house. So I did a partial closet clearing before I left home and brought clothes and shoes for Vat. Certainly won't miss the stuff and could easily do the same thing all over again.

Anyway, to the airport, checked in, I'm one of the folks that gets that new pat down - can't seem to avoid it - and no one wants to see inside of the prosthesis which seems to me to be the place to hide combustibles. I was plenty early and it was time for lunch. So sat down in TGI Fridays in the Pittsburgh airport and while picking up the menu realized that my arm (minor surgery on Monday) was bleeding beyond the bandage. Ate lunch, then stopped at info desk and asked if they had a nurses station around where I could stop in and get a little help in changing a dressing. Answer was no, but they would call the airport based paramedics. So, the paramedics came, we walked to my gate then they changed the dressing. This was no big deal.

The big deal was that the plane was a bit late in leaving Pittsburgh. Snow delayed the incoming flight from somewhere in the midwest. So, finally headed out of Pittsburgh - landed in Detroit at 4:55 pm, at the end of Terminal C, the small plane section of Detroit airport - quite a jog to the "big plane" section - terminal A. I had asked for a wheelchair and the young man with the job did a speedy trip from the end of Terminal C to the Terminal A gate. Plane to Amsterdam was to leave at 5:55 pm. This flight was boarding when I got there, but because of the wheel chair they took me to the front of the line. My boarding pass was rejected. Then the gate agents told me I was not going to Amsterdam until the next day, that I was a day early. I suggested they look again. After looking a couple of more times, they realized that I had been automatically rescheduled for the next day because the Pittsburgh plane was late and the computer, I guess, didn't approve of the connection. Delta had given my nice aisle seat towards the front of the plane away. They did get me on the plane, and after some fussing, they did get me an aisle seat - with an aisle accessible to right non-leg. It worked. The flight out of Detroit was a little - but not a lot - late. Next is Amsterdam where I have been assigned a seat in the middle someplace for an 11.5 hour trip. I said that wouldn't work. After some fussing - and being told multiple times that there were no aisle seats available, (my trip to Cape Townwas cancelled when Detroit Amsterdam leg was cancelled and when reinstated, seat was changed) an aisle seat was somehow found. I was on my way to Cape Town - as scheduled originally.

I had a book I was reading, knitting, my folks music loaded up on my new IPod touch, and sleeping to do, so I made it through the long flight. Did do a lot of it with the prosthesis sitting next to my leg instead of on it. Seemed to work.

Arrival in Cape Town - wisked through customs by someone pushing me in a wheelchair and on to baggage claim. Guess where my bags were? In Detroit of course. So after an hour plus waiting and filling out forms, I got out of the controlled area to find daughter waiting. (It's now 1 am in Cape Town on Dec 3. Left Pittsburgh at 3:30 pm on Dec 1. Subtract 7 hours from Cape Town time to get to Pittsburgh time (8 hours to get to Madison time). Jules took me to her house and we just went to bed.

Slept the first night and the second night in Julie's house, and moved into my beautiful little space yesterday. The children slept here with my last night, but I am on my own tonight as they have school tomorrow and son-in-law Kevin has orthopedist appointment tomorrow morning prior to surgery scheduled for Wednesday on his very broken collar bone. Kevin was riding Maeve's bike in an emergency run for keys (don't ask!!), fell off and broke collar bone in several places. Then my nephew David (the tango dancer) is arriving from Santa Fe tomorrow afternoon. Julie is driving this little VW polo - driver's side on wrong side of car. I can't drive polo because I need gas pedal on the left, Kevin can't drive polo because he can't drive anything right now. Julie is sole driver and tomorrow will be hard.

Regardless, I am soaking up Cape Town ambience. It feels a bit like the southern Calif coast - between Oceanside and San Diego - felt in the 1960s. I loved Leucadia back then. I think the house I am in is about 900 square feet - two bedrooms, living room, dining room and kitchen. You are instructed to carefully lock yourself in, and also to lock up and alarm the house when you leave. (This is different the southern CA in the 60s). All houses have wrought iron gates on the front doors and on all windows. Surrounding poverty breeds theft. I will visit a township before I leave, but the message is it is best to be accompanied by someone who lives in the township area or, at least, has friends in the township. Will work that out.

Hope to visit Kruger National Park - see those grand animals. Also have to work that out. It requires an airplane ride and a couple of nights stay over. More on that later.

Now, as I am alone at last, I am going to go to the Kiva web site and do a micro loan and then to the Heiffers International web site and buy goats for Xmas from my grandchildren to the places of most need. Just finished Nicholas Kristoff's book, "Half the Sky" and gotta do something. Was gonna do the goats anyway, but the book has spurred me on. Recommend it to all of my friends if you haven't already read it.

Probably more than you ever wanted to know in this story. Regardless, I will try to do some entry every few days to keep you posted and to help me remember.

November 28, 2010

2010-11-28T15:26:00.002-05:00

Getting ready for trip to Cape Town. Leave Wednesday. Need to start packing. Spent Thanksgiving in Cold Springs NY with neice Michelle, grandnephews, Arizona and Hanan (almost 16 years old, getting taller every day) and Michelle's extended family. Home of Mich's Aunt Laurie and partner Manuel. Lots of Manuel's family, all Spanish speaking. Very warm and gracious. I wish I wasn't so linguistically challenged and knew more of the language.
For me, one of the highlights of the few days was the walk we took by the Hudson River and into the town of Cold Springs. I think I must have walked a mile. And that has been my goal for this year. Got it!!! So, next year I go for another mile. It's probably reasonable to try for two miles by summer.
And now, to get a nice dinner made for son and his family before I leave town for the month of December. And I think I'll treat the dogs to a bit of roast beef or turkey (brought home some turkey) too.

November 20, 2010

2010-11-20T12:19:00.002-05:00

I haven't blogged in more than a month and friends have asked me what is going on. What is going on, of course, is that I have made myself "busy" again. That means that I have figured out how to manage this prosthetic leg in a way that lets me live my life pretty darn fully. Some things I still can't do, but I have figured out things that were worrying me just a month or so ago.

Like, how to go to the bathroom in a strange place in the middle of the night. (At home I keep a port-a-pot by the bed so I can do a quick up and down). I have found it is not a great inconvenience to turn on the light, pull on the gel liner, slip into the leg, go to the bathroom, then return and reverse the process. Not as quick as the port-a-pot, but much safer than a bed pan on a chair which I did try - not very successfully. Bed pans slip off chairs in friends houses if not carefully managed when full.

Another how-to is how to bathe in various and sundry bathrooms where the conveniences in my bathroom don't exist. If there are not lots of bars in the bathing area, I simply so the best job I can sitting or standing at the sink. Safety is more important than absolute cleanliness. Shower chairs are pretty wonderful things - work in bathtubs - but again the bars matter.

Airports and the new security procedures are something else. I hit the total body rub-down in the Madison airport on my way home from a quilting trip on November 1. It was their third day of this procedure. I didn't know it was gonna happen. I figured it was just the regular wanding and back of the hand pat down that I always get. They don't have the full body xray machines in Madison (yet). So another 1/4 inch and they would have been inside me. Whole thing doesn't make sense. If I was carrying anything, it would have been inside me or, better yet, in my prosthesis. They did not ask me to remove the prosthesis. I asked them what it was about - pointed out they were missing the real places while doing this ridiculous massage. They said they were not asking people to remove prosthesis because it would be too intrusive. The inconsistency was not something the supervisor was prepared to talk about. He gave me a comment card to send to TSA. Pittsburgh Airport has the x-ray machine, so I will probably miss another total body pat down when I leave the country in ten days. They can look at my body fat same as for everyone else. I do get tested for explosives, but that is much less personal than the full body x-ray or the rub-down.

About me and my leg - I can walk the three blocks to our little retail area and back with no problem. Could probably do the round trip twice in one fell swoop if I had to. That would likely be it without a rest. I was able to do that with the small dog to deliver him to the groomer a couple of weeks ago. First time I had walked a dog since surgery. Had been afraid of being pulled. Little dog (35 pounds) was very well behaved so that is one more activity mastered. Won't take the big one walking (60 pounds - and more hyper).

And today, I have TeVa type sandals on my feet. I am checking to see if I can get around in them. I think I will tuck them in suitcase for South Africa trip. It's gonna be warm (70-85 degrees according to darlin' daughter) and we will be near the beach. And maybe I'll go buy a new pair of sneakers on Monday - my favorite shoes with this unreal foot. I am able to wear my good clogs and do put them on when I want to look a little more dressed up but I feel best walking in sneakers that lace up.

I bought a new big suitcase to go - my old big one is already in Cape Town as I lent it to my traveling family. I leave on December 1, return on December 29. Will do an occasional blog from the beach house in Muizenberg.

October 16, 2010

2010-10-16T11:26:00.002-04:00

This is about the new prosthetic. I got my new socket this Wednesday. It is pretty beautiful to look at - and you can see it on my facebook page. I don't want to spend the time to figure out how to get pictures on this blog (and I'm sure it is easy). I took some quilt blocks that I was working on, put them together big enough to cover the new socket, and they were "tattooed" on the socket. It surely is one of a kind.

And this socket is much smaller than the last one. I probably told you that the residual limb shrinks - it is part of the process, and is likely to keep shrinking for a year or so. So, this is unlikely to be my last socket - but it could last for a year. And it is offering me some challenges.

The pipe, or stem or pylon - it is called many things but it exists between the socket and the foot - is longer than the previous one. So the socket it further from the foot. Seems to me as if I have to really learn some new balancing techniques. I am not as stable as I was on the prior socket. And that means, that I simply have to take two canes or a crutch or something and get very deliberate about walking as exercise. I don't know any other way to get comfortable with this. And I'm not sure that walking around the supermarket with a cart or from my car to the movies works. I simply don't focus on the walking when I do that. So, let me start today. I'll have some food and take a walk around the block before I start my errands.

And I am starting my day really late. I read a book last night and this morning "Banished" by an old friend, Sophie Littlefield. Sophie worked for me when I was director of an organization known as ACNS at Northwestern. She is now writing the kind of novels that I love to read, and I didn't get up until 10:30 this morning when I finished the book. Started it last night, picked it up again at 7am and finished it. You go Sophie!!
So, if I am going to get my stuff done today, it it probably time to go for it.

I will keep posting about how I do with this new socket. (Next big "anniesankle" adventure could be a new foot in the spring - maybePost Options even a computerized one).

October 7, 2010

2010-10-08T21:53:00.002-04:00

This morning, as I was driving to Physical Therapy with the car windows open - enjoying the 70 degree weather, the song that kept running through my head was "It's a wonderful day in the neighborhood". And I was only four or five blocks away from Mr. Roger's real neighborhood - where he lived in Pittsburgh. My mind kept going about the gifts I have been given. I will be 75 in December. My mom died at 60, my dad at 65. In my early 40s, I was the oldest person alive in my whole family. And here I am, coming up to three quarters of a century. My life has been interesting, and often really good. And it's good right now, even with out one of my legs. I was discharged from PT this morning. I have not achieved my goal of being able to walk a mile non-stop, but I bet my daughter will push me to that when I am in Cape Town in December. (Other PT goals all achieved). Not willing to walk in Frick Park alone (with or without the dogs) yet either. That too may wait until Julie returns from Cape Town next summer. Otherwise, I am going about my life quite well, thank you. I'm driving, I'm visiting interesting places, I have interesting friends, I am working some (was at Penn State in State College this week and last and in two more weeks I head for Champaign-Urbana and UIUC. I did that great Seattle and Oregon trip. I am getting ready for a quilting week in Madison and the month of December in Cape Town.

And I had my second fitting for my second prosthesis today. The residual limb shrinks, and after a while, the prosthesis is really sloppy on the limb and it's time for a new one. My new one will be ready next week, and wait until you see it. I will take a couple of pictures (or have someone take them with me and the prosthesis as one) and post them on facebook.

Just came home from seeing the facebook movie and dinner with a friend. Want to get that book and read it. And now it is bed time and time to start another book. (Just finished a mystery about Inspector Gamache in Canada (what's the French section called? the province that houses Montreal? is that Ottawa? - delightful mysteries). I'll see what the pile by my bed is made of and pick one - take off this prosthesis and call it a lovely day!!

September 29.2010

2010-09-27T18:45:00.002-04:00

I'm at the Penn Stater Hotel - having spent the afternoon working at my "part-time job". Drove up this morning - 140 miles - an about half way up I wondered if it wouldn't be easier if I took the prosthetic off. Everything feels crammed in the small floor space in the driver's side of the Prius. Stopped at a sane place and removed prosthetic and hit the road again. Must say it was a rainy and foggy trip - although when I could see the trees through the rain and fog, I realized fall was here and the colors were approaching glorious. Between the goldenrod in full bloom and the trees changing, it is a beautiful place. But back to the leg removal - this was the second time I had driven without the prosthetic in place. My immediate sense was one of vulnerability. Sort of like - I need that leg on to do whatever needs to be done. Not true of course because it is pretty useless and in the way on the road. Anyway, I must have gotten over that because I ended up playing "you pass me then I'll pass you" with a truck moving logs that was going 85 downhill and in the 60s up hill. When he was in front of me, the water coming off the back of him made it really hard to see. I think I finally got ahead of him - left him someplace in front of someone else.

That's the drive. I guess I 'got over it honey", the vulnerability thing that is. And I'll bet it happens again.

So, what's the learning on this trip? (Last trip was more learning about the bathroom at night. That learning was, move out of bed when you wake up, put the leg on, and go into the bathroom. Don't lie in bed half awake waiting for the urge to become urgent. Just get up, put on prosthesis, and do it). This trip I have forgotten the second gel liner. I have two gel liners for the residual limb. I wash one every morning and hang it to dry for the next day. So, I washed my gel liner this morning, hung it to dry, and forgot to take it with me. That means I only have the one I am wearing. I need to figure out how to "dry-clean" this one, so that I am not putting a sweat covered liner back on for two days. I think I can do this with baby wipes (which I did remember to bring - I wipe down the limb each nite after I take off the days liner).

I am getting better at living with this prosthesis every day, but I don't have it quite mastered yet. Probably never will - as usual - this is a journey, not a destination.

September 15, 2010

2010-09-15T18:16:00.003-04:00

I'm in Seattle visiting my friend, Jacqueline. Did my airplane run on Sunday. Overslept and missed the airport shuttle that was at my house at 4:45 am. Did not hear them calling on cell phone, which, of course, was downstairs and I was upstairs asleep. Woke up at 5:20 am and worried that I could make plane leaving at 7:10 am. Was out of house and in my car by 5:40 am. I had pretty much packed the night before. No time for a shower. Surprised that I could get body with leg organized that quickly. Made the flight with little time to spare. Security took a bit longer than usual. I have been wanded forever because of metal body parts but they did that little rub down test on prosthesis to check for explosives.

On the flight from Charlotte to Seattle, residual limb felt as if it was swelling some. I guess that's not surprising as body parts do swell up on long plane rides. I was reluctant to take off prosthesis for fear it would be clumsy getting it back on. Need to figure that out - perhaps on trip home.

Jacqueline and I are simply hanging out, lunching out with friends, talking a lot, reading some, and simply enjoying being with each other. And tomorrow I head for the Oregon coast.

Enterprise Car Rental is ready for me in Portland with car with left foot gas pedal. They have called me to confirm. Wonder if the pedal is similar to the one I have on the two vehicles at home. I hope so.

And that's my quick update from the northwest. Blogs are not nearly as interesting as life returns to a more ordinary state.

Oh - when I get home I get fit for a new socket for my prosthesis. Residual limb has shrunk such that current socket can't be adjusted any further. This could happen a few times before I settle in to my more "permanent" socket. Then, will I have a leg made that looks a bit more like a leg? I think I have asked that question before. Answer still not clear.

SEPTEMBER 3, 2010

2010-09-03T15:32:00.002-04:00

Another quick update. I put on real shoes this week. I took by SAS clogs to PT and worked to see if I could walk with them and the prosthetic. The answer is yes. So now besides the two pairs of New Balance sneakers I have been wearing for what seems like forever, I have added two pair of clogs to my footwear. Feels good!!

And the next news is that I went to see Bobby, prosthetist, to have socket made a bit tighter. It was getting wobbly, and I was up to 10 ply in terms of prosthetic socks. Bobby put a lot of stuff in the socket to make it tighter, but he says it is time to be refitted. So, he's gone next week and I'm gone for the two weeks after. When we are both back we cast the leg again, and use the cast to build the next prosthetic socket. (This could happen three or four times (or even more) before I am finally settled in my lifetime leg. It's because the residual limb shrinks from the continued pressure of the gel liner and the socket - and this is a good thing. I'm hoping a socket that's a little smaller will be a little lighter and also allow me to be a little less clumsy in some of my movements. Interesting question is "can we make this next socket low enough behind the knee that I can ride a stationary bike?' Don't know the answer but need to remember to ask Bobby.

The stationary bike thing is about building endurance. Mine is not great. I can walk for about twenty minutes and I am done in. I have tried the upright and the recumbent stationary bike and neither works. Simply can't move the knee to where it needs to go because the prosthetic hits the back and stops the movement. So, right now I am using the arm bicycle. Therapists say when I come back from journeying, we are going to try the pool - put me in with a flotation device, and have me treading water.

I've had a really busy week - lots of good friends to see and things to do. I'm heading back to work part time as soon as I return from my two week vacation (starts 9/12) and I want to return to my quilts. So life continues to be almost always interesting, often a treat, and some of the time, a serious challenge.

August 29, 2010

2010-08-28T19:50:00.002-04:00

I just did my first significant drive with the left foot. Took the van (daughter's 2002 Toyota Sienna - the one that I did the fender bender in) and drove from Pittsburgh to Allentown PA with most of the long arm quilting table in the van and the 12 foot rails on the top. It was a 270 mile trip from here to there and I was pretty cautious. Think I stayed just a couple of miles over the speed liit for the whole trip. Arrived safely in about six hours where two women from Rhode Island were waiting for me in the parking lot of a Hampton Inn. They came in a pick up truck and they did the moving and shaking. We exchanged quilting machine tables. (I wanted a smaller one and Irene wanted a bigger one and we did an even up trade as they cost about the same). I spent the night in the Hampton Inn where I got to test my home made porta potty model (bed pan on chair beside bed). It worked. Drove home today.

Daughter's van is easier to drive than Prius. It has more room in front to hold the right leg in its prosthesis, the seat goes back further for getting in and out, and the steering wheel lifts up higher supporting easier in and out as well as simply less crowding. The ideal vehicle would be a car with no console between the two front seats - a flat floor - like the old bench seats. As it is though, I have these two Toyotas for the year, and we will stay together for at least that time - those vehicles and me.

Next challenge will be flying, and that is scheduled for two weeks from today .

And having survived this drive, and deburred my dogs (big one absolutely covered with little burrs), I think it's time for bed.

Autust 21, 2010

2010-08-21T17:24:00.002-04:00

If I forget to take my morning drugs - specifically the neurotin, and maybe the celebrex, by this time of day (5:30 pm) the phantom pain is really banging at me. Have to remember, have to remember!! And now I think I will go double dose.

August 16, 2010

2010-08-16T15:06:00.002-04:00

I thought I was doing well yesterday. Went to church. Hung out and talked to folks. On way home stopped at new holistic pet store in neighborhood. Beautiful little shop. Bought a new collar for Rags and high priced dog food. It's made by Pinnacle and noted as superior canine nutrition. Who knows? But Moose and Rags seem to love it - even the pickier Moose finishes it in one sitting.

But back to the day. So, I was pulling out of my parallel parking space. All of a sudden, I realized there was another van right beside me and our front sides were gonna touch if I didn't stop right away. And instead of hitting the brake with my foot, I hit the left foot accelerator. I quickly caught myself so this was only a minor fender bender, but it is another thing on the long list of items to be taken care of. And this was in my daughter's van that I just had equipped for left foot driving. My observation about this is that my brain and body are not yet adjusted to the left foot driving. I had to react really quickly and the signal I sent to my left leg/foot was wrong. It was a "brake on the left" signal, even though I am driving with my left leg/foot. I clearly need more re-wiring.

Otherwise life is uneventful. I am getting more and more use to this prosthetic leg and foot. The morning process which use to take almost an hour is down to about twenty minutes. I've gotten more organized about it and it has gotten easier. I have been worrying about how I was going to pee at night when I was traveling. A nurse friend (we were playing cards on Saturday evening) suggested I get a pile of disposable bed pans, put one on a chair (with a plastic bag under it just in case), put the chair by the bed - and magic - I have built my bedside commode. I am going to try this out as soon as I get my hands on some bed pans. If this works, the last travel hurdle that I can think about right now is taken care of.

This whole new lower leg and foot thing has been an interesting adventure. It's posed challenges about how to live my life as normally as possible, without putting a burden on family and friends, being able to live as I had imagined I would live in retirement. Not sure I want to stay in this beautiful two story cottage. I'm thinking about that, but the desire to not have stairs is probably as much about getting older as it is about the leg. Know that I don't want to go white water rafting again. I probably could, but I simply don't want to put my body through that kind of an exercise. And that doesn't mean I won't do a quite paddle in a canoe or kayak.

And I want to think about how I can make a difference to the community in which I live. The last couple of years have been preoccupied with surgeries, learning to walk, having a big setback, learning to walk again. While I know that I can get much better on this leg, it is time for me to do something else. I am hoping I can do that (whatever that is) through my church community and some friends and I are exploring what might be possible. (If you don't know, the church is First Unitarian of Pittsburgh).

And now, I have to get my passport renewal application in the mail and work on building my calendar for next year - so that I can respond to some friends who are planning good stuff.

Agust 13, 2010

2010-08-14T12:14:00.002-04:00

Daughter's van (once was mine) sits behind my house for this year while she and her family are in Cape Town. Took it and had left foot accelerator installed yesterday. Now I have two vehicles that I can drive. More room in the front of the van to house the prosthetic foot than there is in the Prius. Still trying to figure out what to do with the whole right leg thing in the Prius. It can simply take up space that is there in the van. I figure that if I take longer Prius trips (than the 20 or so mile trips I have taken) I will simply take off the prosthetic. But now I have this vehicle with room. Gas mileage ain't near as good - but right leg is much more comfortable. Interesting trade-offs.

August 10,, 2010

2010-08-11T13:43:00.002-04:00

It.s been ten days since I've put anything up here. As you probably figured, life has more normalcy than it has had for the last three months or so. I'm doing a lot of the regular living stuff. I think I told you all that I had my Prius modified so that it has a left foot accelerator. On Friday, the same thing will happen to my daughter's Toyota van so that I can drive that too. I can't let it just sit behind the yard for a year - and besides having a van is good sometimes. My first long trip will be in the van - to Allentown PA - to exchange a twelve foot long arm quilting table for a ten foot table. Irene, in Rhode Island, wants a bigger table; I want a smaller table. We found each other on a quilters mailing list. Allentown is about a five and a half hour drive - sort of halfway for each of us. I think I will take the prosthetic off while I am on this road trip. In the small Prius, the challenge is really where to put the prosthetic foot while driving. I'm not sure I'll have the same challenge in the van, but I really don't need this thing on in the car.

I just made part of a blackberry pie. It occurred to me, that making a pie is a lot like making a quilt, but faster. It has a top, a bottom and a middle. All the parts need to be handled separately and then they need to come together. The other thing I realized is how much I move around while working in the kitchen. Just making the pie dough involves twisting and turning and bending (get things out; where is the salt; am I going to use the blender or the mixer; are all the parts in the same place; I know I have a better measuring cup than that). And the stuff I am working on in Physical Therapy supports those funny kitchen moves. I'm working on balancing (hard on the prosthetic foot), walking backward, walking a braid, rocking side to side and back and forth. All moves I made while mixing up the crust and the filling. And I'm sure I will end up with similar moves when I assemble these pieces. Now I can stop wondering why I am doing these silly exercises.

Recently read a short (true) story where a female athlete (runner) with a prosthetic leg says it takes about a year to really use it well. I keep holding on to that when I get frustrated that I can't do things faster. I have no inclination to run a mile, but I would like to be able to walk more than the 17 minutes I did in PT this morning. So, I have to keep working at this. Maybe when I get to Cape Town in December I'll be up to 40 minutes. I have to see if that's a reasonable goal - and if so - make it happen.

I'm going to start puttering around the country next month - and will have a busy fall. Some of it is work and some is play. Couple of important things to do soon so I am ready for this puttering. First one is to be sure I have the dog care managed well. Other thing is to get my passport updated. It expires in early December. Going to use the Allentown trip to see how well I fare in a hotel - how I get to the bathroom at night especially. Have a couple of thoughts of things to try. Actually, gonna practice the one foot hop.

I will try to update this blog once a week - keep you all posted on my progress. And now, I am going to finish a quilt block, and by then it might be time to assemble the pie. (Crust had to go in refrigerator for a while before rolling out).

July 30, 2010

2010-07-30T17:17:00.002-04:00

It's been a busy and interesting week for me. The highlights of the week were yesterday and today. Yesterday son James took me to Johnstown PA for a date with Tim Brant of Brant Driving School. We drove around a parking lot in tim's little red Ford Focus until he was clear that I knew about a left foot gas pedal, then we did a couple of parallel parking exercises to be sure I had that down pat, then Tim took me to Penn DOT in Johnstown where I took a driving test. Last time I did that was in 197 - quite a while ago. Tim drove me through the probably course first, then we signed up in the office and Dan met me at the car and tested me. After telling me I jumped the curb, ran a stop sign, exceeded the speeding limit and hit a chipmunk, I got my license updated. Actually, I had it down pat, and my parking was exceptional. Then today, James took me to Keystone Coach with my proof of adaptive driving license and a prescription for a left foot gas pedal. After two hours, I had a left foot gas pedal on my car and drove us home from Bethel Park. Driving is not the challenge. What to do with Daisy and Tiger while driving is something I am figuring out. I think if I was to drive long distances, I would take the prosthetic off. So, once I got home and James went on his way, I fixed some lunch and took off all by myself for the movies. I am reminded off the name of one of my favorite Dr. Seuss books, "Oh, the places you'll go". I get to go again.

(Why is blogger changing my margins, putting numbers on paragraphs, etc? I'm simply going to ignore so I can get this posting up and out).

So beyond that, I had two good deliveries today - new dog beds arrived for Moose and Rags. I have makeshift beds in my bedroom next to my bed. Without their own bedding, the dogs want on my bed. I'll see how they do on their new beds tonight.

And I ordered two new pairs of trousers from someone who sells Flax stuff. And they just arrived and they have lovely large legs. And I have a large bin of pants to take to the resale store in Swissvale. Now that I can drive, I will do that. It makes sense to get rid of stuff I won't use, as hard as it is to give some of the stuff up.

And I made a date to take my Toyota to the dealer on Tuesday to take care of that recall (remember the Toyota recall stuff), to get the brakes adjusted and see what Toyota wants to do with a tire that keeps losing air on me that I bought not long before my surgery.

July 26, 2010

2010-07-26T17:53:00.002-04:00

It's a day alone for me. Wow and whoopee!! I didn't get out of bed until 10:30 this morning - spent from 7:30 am on reading a book by someone I worked with at Northwestern, Sophie Littlefield, who is writing fun novels. That was my fifth book for the week, one Scott Turow, one Harlen Coben, two Sophie Littlefield, and one lovely book sent to me by my friend, Barbara Morgan, title The Cradle, author Patrick Sommerville. One of the activities that I love is lying in bed in the morning with a book. (I fall asleep when I do it at night).

Had PT this afternoon. Used Access transportation to get back and forth. This is the local service for the elder differently abled. I'm one of those. Folks very courteous and timely - at least today. Will do this again on Wednesday to get back and forth to PT. On Thursday and Friday I need attention of son to get me to the driving folks and hopefully get me my license. Friday is scheduled for getting left foot gas pedal on car.

Learning how to manage this prosthesis better. It's a matter of changing the weight of the socks on the gel liner on Daisy. I am currently up to six ply. That's as far as I have gotten. Foot has stayed straight for a while today so six ply seems right at this moment. But it does change during the day, so have to carry socks of different weights and be ready to change them. And I have two gel liners, one has a longer screw on the bottom than the other. I have on the one with the longer screw today (they simply get changed each morning, put on a clean one, clean the one from the day before and let dry). With all this ply and longer screw, I sometimes have trouble in getting prosthesis off when want to bed down at night. So - working on getting another appointment with prosthesis - make the pylon just a little longer (maybe another 3/8 of an inch of length), but make the screw that ratchets the gel liner into the prosthetic a little shorter. This is really minute tinkering.

And I have ordered three new pair of trousers on the internet. Hope they work. I have filled a big bin full of my pedal pushers and slacks to go to the local resale shop. This prosthesis makes my big leg even bigger, and most of the slacks in my closet simply won't go over the leg with the prosthesis on. I have set a few pairs of pants aside with plans to put a strip of fabric up the legs to make them bigger.

I'm learning to walk
Forward, backwards and sideways
With bionic leg

Living alone now
House empty of all people
Just me, Rags, and Moose

July 21, 2010

2010-07-21T15:08:00.003-04:00

Something get easier when you simply do them instead of thinking about them or worrying about . So - now that I have the driving test scheduled for a week from tomorrow and the car modifications scheduled for the day after that, I decided it was time to figure out about car rental. I want to rent a car in Portland OR in September for a week. So, I did my rate check on line, decided I should try to rent with Enterprise, and called them telling them I needed a car with a left foot gas pedal in Portland in September. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but they simply said "OK". And that's that. Enterprise told me that calling 48 hours ahead of time would get me a car with a left foot accelerator when I needed one.

And the other thing about this recovery process is that the phantom pain has not been relevant for the past few days. I think it's mostly gone (rather than that I am not paying attention to it). There are some weird sensations, like when I get out of the shower in the morning and for a while thereafter, I feel as if the phantom foot is totally water-logged. So, when I pull on the gel liner, I feel as if there is a puddle of water in the bottom of it. This goes away over the next hour or so, and it is more interesting than troublesome.

And now, I'm going to take my rollator and walk to the Square (Regent Square shops - about three blocks) with the twins (grandnephews, 15 years old) and get either pizza or Thai food for an early supper.

July 19, 2010

2010-07-19T18:12:00.002-04:00

It's 6pm on Monday. Worked with Al Stunden in Oregon this morning so we both knew we were comfortable with Skype. One of these 15 year old nephews was the real help on this.
Right now, I am waiting for a pot to boil so I can fill it with pasta. Made a small batch of pesto with basil from my garden. Basil is very happy, and I have lots more pesto to make. So tonight we will have pasta with pesto and some red snapper to put on top of it and a salad. These boys are non-meat eaters, and I am figuring out how to work with that with the stuff in my refrigerator and freezer. Neighbor said she would take me to Trader Joe's in morning, and I can be sure we are all set for the rest of the week (and beyond).

This is supposed to be a quick update. I have been in touch with the Drivers Ed folks. I am scheduled for my drivers review as well as a test with PennDot for a week from Thursday (July 29). Tomorrow, I will call the folks who do the left foot gas pedal install, and see if I can get that happening on July 30. If I can make that so, I'll be able to do all sorts of stuff without calling on family and friends.

Now I'll go see if the pot is boiling.

July 18, 2010

2010-07-18T18:00:00.002-04:00

It's Sunday at 6pm. Every experience is to learn from, and one of the key learnings for me in this bionic annie business is about being slower and being patient. I use to be able to get up and just GO. Now I have to get up, center myself on my feet, be sure I am balanced, and then I can go. When I prided myself in the past in being able to get up in the morning, shower, dress, be ready to go in twenty minutes (and I have gotten slower about that as I have gotten older, now I need to plan on 90 minutes from the time my alarm goes off until I am ready to leave the house. This is about getting up, putting the prosthesis on, getting the shower set up for myself (I like a walker next to it and the walker is by the bed at night so I don't try to step out and down as if I have two legs - a reminder) setting myself on the shower chair, taking off the prosthesis,, showering, getting out of shower onto chair in bathroom, being sure leg is totally dry, especially in folds behind knee, putting prosthesis back on, folding up walker and tucking it away (behind toilet it fits nicely), back to bedroom to dress, collecting clothing to wear, taking off prosthesis as it is too big to fit over undies and slacks, getting those garments on, putting prosthesis back on, putting on rest of clothing, taking yesterdays gel liner from prosthesis to bathroom to wash, back to bedroom with it to hang it to dry on special do-dad, taking pot to bathroom, emptying, washing out, putting some make up on (and I forgot brushing my teeth earlier, but you knew about that), back to bedroom with clean pot, make bed, am I ready? Maybe, but I might want to put on some earrings and I might want to find my watch, and I don't want to go downstairs without the bag of socks to go over the gel liner in case my leg shrinks in the day and the prosthesis starts veering right while the residual limb keeps pointing forward. Anyway, that's at least an hour of stuff without having a cup or coffee or tea or something. And I am trying to adjust to the fact that I will have to plan on this forever.

I have had some morning dates this week - a trip to the Farmer's Market in the Strip yesterday with my friend Karen. We left my house at 8:30 - and I did set my alarm for 7am. Great trip - thank you Karen. This morning I went to church - scheduled pick up for me at 9:30 am - so again, I set my alarm to accommodate. I'm learning.

I have three PT appointments scheduled for this week. Balance and endurance seem to be the name of the game with this PT group.

And I am going to get back to work on the driving thing. I CAN drive with a left foot gas pedal and I am going to stop fighting to get licensed for both left foot and hand controls and go for the left foot so that I can be vehicularly mobile. That means I have to get on the schedule for these drivers' ed people to take me to PennDOT for testing (after they have given me a lesson or two that I don't think I need - but I've been wrong before and that is how they earn their keep). So, I get on their schedule, son drives me to Johnstown (about 2 hours from here), they give me a lesson on the spot, I take test in Johnstown on some day, then we take one of my vehicles and get left foot gas pedal installed - and that is an hour in another direction completely, and I'll bet they have a waiting list too. The same day testing thing is theoretically possible, if, according to the guy who evaluated me - asked me what month it was, who was president, etc - the owner agrees to go along with it. So, tomorrow I call drivers' ed place and try to be nice to the owner, or whomever I get on the phone. Son has final exams in school this week, so I am hoping we can do this next week. Son, James, is being a real sweetheart about getting me from here to there.

Maryland twin grandnephews are here with me for a week. 15 year olds. Tied to their computers. Daughter Julie and grandchildren Maeve and Liam left for Cape Town on Friday. They have arrived safe and sound.

And bedsides getting this driving thing down pat, I am trying to figure out how to travel. West coast in September. What mobility aids will I need to take? Guess I wait a few more weeks before I settle in on this.

July 12, 2010

2010-07-12T22:33:00.002-04:00

It's 10:30 on Monday evening. I have been at a soiree for my daughter - one of her singing groups hosted it. She and her children are leaving for Capetown for a year this Friday. Her house is rented so the staging for this trip is in my house. The soiree was quite nice. There was a soiree yesterday too - at my house, where the folks who came brought the foodstuff. Tomorrow evening she has a banjo outing, but I do believe that the children and I sill stay home. I will fiercely miss these folks once they are gone. They do lighten my life.

And my prosthesis has been bugging me for a couple of weeks. I have been convinced it was too short - and also, I found that it was turning. So, after sitting a while, or sometime while walking, i would find myself discomfited, and take a look down and find the right foot pointing far to the right instead of straight ahead. Looks weird. Feels weird. Finally got a date with prosthesis (who said I had been calling the wrong number). I have a new, longer pylon - and we added about 5/8 inch to the length of the prosthesis. Also have some additional padding inside Tiger, to inhibit the rotation, but that is likely to continue to be an issue until Daisy shrinks more and develops a new shape. And, we all think that Tiger could be even a bit longer, but will hold off on that for a couple of weeks. This lengthening made a real difference. Walking is easier. Back is less stressed.

Other biggy today was evaluation for driving with assistive devices. Would you believe that I had to take a series of tests where they showed me pictures and asked me which picture was like the others? They also asked me if I knew what month it was and what time it was. I did pass those tests. I am fussing about wanting to be certified to drive a vehicle with a left foot gas pedal as well as a vehicle with hand controls. Drivers' Ed folks tell me it is one or the other, not both. I have not finished challenging that, as I find no place in state regs that say that. I have experience driving with left foot gas pedal in past lives. Would need more training on hand controls. And I have to be licensed to drive and get a prescription to have my car modified. And I have to get on a waiting list for all of this stuff to happen. Bureaucracy at it's finest here. My challenge is not to be so in folks face that they don't want to work with me to get this done quickly. I want to be able to drive ASAP.

And I was thinking about pain level. It's become very modest. It's worse towards the end of the day, so right now there is a bit. Gave up pain pills quite a while ago. Still take neurotin in large doses, but I have reduced the amount of the drug by 1/3 because i keep neglecting to remember my mid day dose. It occurs to me that the pain question and answer, easily falls into haiku format - so here it is, and then I am hitting my bed and my book.

Time to report pain
What is your level of pain?
Between three and four

July 5 #2

2010-07-05T16:50:00.002-04:00

4:45 pm - a really quick entry. was out in the yard picking up dog doo with just one cane. fortunately there was not a lot. then i sat down for a minute and had another haiku in my head. thought i would write it down before i lost it:

House and The Girl Who
Entertaining mind candy
More, more, I want more

And thanks to Susan and Cam for their recent haiku contributions!!!

July 5, 2010

2010-07-05T14:21:00.005-04:00

It's about 2:30 in the afternoon on the 5th of July. I spent the morning in bed finishing Stiegg Larrson's second book, "The Girl Who Played With Fire". I am afraid to start book three because I know that I will be immobilized for another day and a half. I find these books mesmerizing. I have a huge pile of wonderful reading material to go at - actually piles - my living room and bedroom each have multiple piles, and I'm sure I can read nothing else until I read book three. Perhaps I can get through the day without starting the book.

The other way I have found to spend time as I am "resting" is watching House. I am not a huge TV watcher - a couple of the major network shows, CNN and MSNBC. I'm not sure how I happened on House, but I became hooked here too. And BRAVO seems to run entire evenings of House reruns, and I ordered past seasons from Netflix. I haven't turned on the TV since I started the Stiegg Larrson books, but I guess I could watch another disc of House reruns before starting the next book. And then again, what is the virtue in that? One mind game versus another. Good I haven't gotten hooked on WII or something similar. That would be never ending. At least these are both finite.

So about the recovery. I am walking. I can walk without any aids, but not far and it is hard. I do great with two crutches and okay one one crutch. I do okay with two canes and am able to walk with one cane. Yesterday daughter and I had a day out. I for sure needed another sneaker (actually a pair, as the prosthetic wears one too). Physical therapist, Terry, had suggested I get a rollator. What is a rollator you may ask. You see old folks with them at the shopping malls. They are sort of walkers, with four wheels, and a padded seat. You can use them as walking aids and when you get tired you can sit down. Mine is red aluminum -bless internet shopping. So, off we went with rollator. Church first (two canes to get to and from vehicle to church service), where friends welcomed me as they had not seen me upright, then off to visit a friend of Julie's who was visiting in town and wanted to see Jules before she headed for Capetown. (Jules and children leave on July 16). Then we went on our shopping spree - a trip to Marshall's and to DSW's. I got a couple of clothes items and a pair of sneakers. This rollator is a great invention. We were out shopping for a couple of hours, and I could not have done that without the rollator and the option to sit down every ten minutes or so. Last stop was dinner at Mitchell's Sea Food Restaurant. Then we both headed home and to bed (where I went back to THE book). Heard fireworks. Didn't see any and that was fine by me.

And this all followed five days at Granny Camp. Granny Camp is a special place that my friend Beth and I have been taking grandchildren for four years now. (I need to note that I don't take all grandchildren, it began with and has stayed with just Julie's children, Maeve and Liam - and that is another story and one that is hard to tell, and probably not a story for this blog). Beth brings her grandson, Jamison, and a another child Catherine who is a dear friend of her family. Granny Camp is on 40 private acres in the Finger Lakes area, up a half mile private dirt road. There is a large pond, a main cabin, and a couple of subsidiary cabins. The outhouse is a two seater. Water is pumped from a well into a holding tank. Are you getting some idea of what this is like? My nephew, Mark, flew out from Oregon to drive me to and from Granny Camp and he stayed the five days with us. I was concerned about whether I could manage in this kind of a place. I used two crutches and did okay for the five days. Mostly I sat around, watched events, played Banagrams with Mark and read that book and one other that I had started before I got to camp as well as a Robert Parker book that I found at camp. I kept Daisy clean with those wonderful aloe body wipes. I did travel with lots of mobility assisting gear - a wheelchair, a walker, two crutches, two canes. I have to pare this down before I start traveling by plane again in the fall. And I do have a trip to Seattle and then to Depoe Bay OR planned for September. I want to go to Capetown in December. I had hoped to take another grand daughter to Manhattan this summer, but I simply can't see myself doing that trip that soon.

So, if you ask me how I can doing, I am likely to say "Okay". I'm still not comfortable with the prosthesis. And I still have phantom pain - not nearly to the extent that I had it early on. But I am sitting here typing and the damn ghost foot is burning. I want to be 100% mobile NOW. But, I am able to walk - even on unlevel ground - both dirt and hardstuff. I am able to do mild grades (something I understand can be a real challenge). I can't haul furniture around, I can't take the dogs for a walk (they have to be leashed and they might pull), I still need walking aids. And mostly I can't drive my car. Next week I will go for a drivers evaluation. I will report more on that later. I hope the whole process doesn't take too long.

House and The Girl Who
Mind candy for the ages
Time to do some work

June 27, 2010

2010-06-27T13:00:00.002-04:00

It's Sunday at 1pm. I've had an interesting couple of days, and I have to consider what is important to document - and the sequence to do it in. I think I'll do this in terms of subject matter instead of time sequence which was my first inclination.

First subject is showers and getting ready to start the day. I think is was my occupational therapist, Tisha, who said to me: "Take the shower doors out and put them someplace safe until you leave the house. Put up a shower rod and shower curtain and life will get easier". Somehow, I had been hung up on needing to also take out the rails that hold the doors, and then figuring out what to do with the holes that would end up in the shower surround. Where was my brain? (Probably hung up on the fact that I needed to deal with this in a pure manner). So, I enlisted son James, who took me on a shopping spree to Costco on Friday with a stop at Lowe's. We bought an expandable shower rod, shower curtain and liner, hooks, and he did the door removal, rod and curtain install. Major change in showering environment for me Moved one of those portable potties into the bathroom and covered it with a shower mat. So, between that seat , the walker as a towel rack, the shower chair, and the doors-be-gone, this has become a do-it-myself process. Thank you Tisha and thank you James. Now for two more hand rails and a shower head that is more portable.

A little bit about using Daisy and Tiger and getting on with walking. My physical therapist, Terry, came by on Friday afternoon and said, "Let's go for a walk". He turned down my request to take a walker, and we went to Frick park ( went in his car), with a cane. He had a second cane and he had me walking in the park with two canes. I'm sure we went a half mile (but my daughter says the round trip trail is maybe 1/4 mile). Did this trek using two canes, and was pretty pleased with myself and with Terry. More on this walking stuff, but I'm beginning to doze right now and think I should post this before I lose it.

January 24, 2010

2010-06-24T10:46:00.002-04:00

Thursday morning - have Tiger on - yesterday kept Tiger on for more than eight hours. Didn't mean I walked on him all that time - but certainly did some walking and lots of up and down stuff - out of the chair, do this, back to chair, out of chair do that. Did this using cane as much as using walker. I must admit that I spent most of yesterday processing the pile of papers that seems to never end (I think because I don't know what to do with all of them) and watching MSNBC and the coverage of the McChrystal, Obama, Petraeus saga. It's worth many books, and I'm sure many will come. The Jonathan Alter book that I just finished helped me with perspective about this and perspective about what why we are engaged in this war.

And last night I ordered a rollator and another cane. Now, before Tuesday, I had no idea what a rollator was. It's a four wheeled walker with a seat, so if you get tired, you can sit down. I ordered one with the biggest, sturdiest wheels, so I can try it out in Frick Park. The second cane, to almost match the beautiful one I got from my MOR friends, is so that I can walk with two canes as opposed to two crutches. I guess I just keep trying this stuff. The intent is to eventually walk with no support, but always good to have a cane available. In the interim, I use these assistive devices. The cane I have (a collapsible cane, but extraordinarily strong and elegant) is bronze with a cherry handle. The one I ordered is silver with, I think, a birch handle. Tried to match the one I have but they were on backorder. This way, if I only need one, I can choose based on what I am wearing (me, do that? maybe).

Phantom pain in ghost foot is much less of a problem - still there - but not debilitating. (Knock on wood).

And today, I am going to Frick Park Cafe for lunch with friends Johanna and Jay. We intend to critique, together, the Fiber Arts International Show. I should find my show catalog and take it with me. Not much knocked my sock off at the show. Question - that I need to answer within the hour is: are we taking the wheel chair (distance between parking lot and cafe concerns me a bit) or are we taking the walker - or maybe wheelchair and cane? Maybe by the time I go upstairs, change my shirt, but a little stuff on my face, I will have come up with the answer.

June 22, 2010

2010-06-22T19:42:00.002-04:00

I haven't written anything since I have come home. It is hard work being at home with this prosthectic. Certainly was easier to be in rehab where bathroom, especially, was so accessible and where my bed was made and my meals were prepared. More work at home, and there simply is work to be done besides, the laundry, the dishes, a bit of sweeping, the list does go on.

Physical therapist from Home Health Care visited yesterday and today. I knew that I would be pushed by Terry, (he worked with me post amputation), and I was right. He had me walking through the house and on the deck with a cane. Going up and down a step in the yard with no railing with a cane. Sounds simple, but as it is, I am paying attention to every step with the walker, and even more so with the cane. He did say not to do this withoug supervision for a bit longer (including walking with cane). However, he says we will meet in Frick Park the week after next and stroll the paths - with cane.

I am really tired. Don't know why. I stayed in bed this moorning finishing Jonathan Alter's book on Obama's first year. You read that and wonder why you have any right to be tired. That man and his staff and selected members of Congress really did an extraordinary amount of work last year and the begining of this year. I imagine they are working equally as hard now with all the stuff on their plates in addition to the oil spill. Regardless, I'm tired. Will put my leg back on, go upstairs, brush teeth, wash face, do other bathroom stuff, head to bed, take off leg, watch TV for a while.

That's it for tonight.

June 19, 2010

2010-06-19T07:58:00.002-04:00

It's 8 am on Saturday. I'm on my way home in a couple of hours. Will walk out with walker. Will be better on cane in a couple of weeks. In PT yesterday, Marc had me doing tight obstacle courses with the cane. I'm still a little wobbly, but I'll get there.

And because I haven't reported on it in a while, phantom pain is less. Been in the hospital for seven nights. Asked for pain pills twice. (It's a nighttime thing - pain worse when I am lying down in bed at night). Didn't need much of that stuff at all.

Want to report on one fun thing quickly, and then I am heading to breakfast, my last meal here. I got a room mate yesterday. First room mate I have had since I rejected a room mate after first night in my first stay. I think it has been deliberate, and that is just fine with me. Anyway, JoAnn moved into my room yesterday - a sort of elderly lady (elderly is relative, isn't it, JoAnn is only a couple of years older than me, but I think she is elderly and I don't think I am). She is sweet and garrulous (how do you spell that great word?). And what gave me the giggles is to find myself in bed reading Jonathan Alter's book on Obama while JoAnn, next to me is watching FOX news.

This is my last report from rehab. Gotta go to breakfast.

June 18, 2010

2010-06-18T09:14:00.002-04:00

It's eight weeks since my lower leg was cut off and I was left with Daisy. And I do expect to walk out of rehab tomorrow - on two legs- probably using a walker. I have learned that the wheeled walker is easier to use, and easier to use less (by that I mean putting less weight on it and trust in it) than the unwheeled walker. Marc, my physical therapist convinced me of this by a trail run on both. I have both at home, and I'll have son bring one with wheels to use to walk myself out. Not ready for going the distance with the cane. Will have PT at home for a bit and expect to master walking with cane before therapist is done. And from there, I simply get more comfortable until I can walk without any aids.

Occupational therapist for this stint in rehab is Sam. So Sam wanted to duplicate my shower situation at home and have me use that duplicated situation in a supervised manner. He was unsuccessful in arranging for a female sub for him, but I'm flexible and so was he, so we arranged for Sam to provide me support in the shower this morning. So here's the challenge. Get myself seated on the shower chair with the prosthetic on. Remove the prosthetic while in the shower, but before turning on the water and put it outside of the shower stall where it won't get wet. Shower. Turn off shower and dry self, especially Daisy. Reach outside of shower for prosthetic. (Let's name this prosthetic Tiger. Daisy was the first dog I remember from when I was a kid. Tiger is the first dog I had as an adult - and I adored him. I need to come to adore this prosthetic leg). Put on gel liner first and Tiger next. Then step out of shower and continue drying process and whatever else I am going to do before leaving bathroom. Right now, this is all done with the aid of a walker. Challenge at home is the glass shower doors which only open halfway (slide back and forth) and the fact that there is only one grab bar in the shower - on the back side. Need another grab bar - and need to get more comfortable around those shower doors, where it means the shower chair needs to be, and other miscellani. I'm sure I'll get this worked out in the next couple of weeks.

By the way, after shower, Sam promptly left with Tiger. Clearly, PT and OT folks are not going to leave Tiger with me until end of day today. Until then, Tiger and I must be their responsibility. End of day, together we become the responsibility of nursing. Tomorrow, Tiger and I are on our own.

Called Tim Brant (the driving rehab guy) about driving yesterday. He says I can't get certified on both left foot gas pedal and hand controls, that it has to be one or the other. I want both. Want to put left foot gas pedal on my car and on daughter's van (it will be with me for the year she is in South Africa and I want to be able to use it), and I want to be certified on hand controls so I can rent cars when I travel. Not sure where this will go. Right now, I am going to call the folks who do this stuff to cars to talk about a left foot pedal for my Prius.

Gotta go - do some more research on this driving stuff.

June 17, 2010

2010-06-17T06:56:00.002-04:00

The word is socket
Write it and remember it
Socket, socket, yeh!!

I'll walk with a cane
Hard right now, easy later
But I can do it

Next challenge, to drive
Need to modify Prius
Searching for info

Socket, socket, yeh
The word is socket
Write and remember

Socket, pylon, foot
And then there is the gel thing
Gel liner with screw

And the foot parts connected to the ankle parts
And the ankle parts connected to the pylon
And the pylon connected to the socket
And the socket connected with the gel liner
And the gel liner connected to Daisy
And that's the way of my walk

Now back to bed for forty minutes with "The Promise" by Jonathan Alter

June 16, 2010

2010-06-16T19:25:00.002-04:00

It's only Wednesday. My stretch goal was to go home walking with a cane on Friday. Yesterday I didn't think it was at all possible. Today, I walked with a cane. Just a short walk - but I did it. I will go home on Saturday (so I get all possible therapy on Friday), and my prime walking support for a while is likely to be a walker. But it won't be long before I will go to the cane. So, I'm doin' it!!

Yesterday's big challenge (or one of them), getting the screw at the end of the gel liner into the ratcheting spot on the bottom of the (of - I've forgotten the proper name of that big carbon fiber piece again) ....., was not a problem today. I seem to have found the right spot to start putting on the gel liner, and also the right angle to go in to the whatchamcallit. Did it several times today with no problem. Lot's of interesting moving back and forth, side to side, as I get use to trusting and using this prosthetic. One new challenge is to turn this liner inside out to slide it on, and also sliding it on, without poking through the liner with the screw on its bottom. Ruined one liner yesterday - and prosthetist, Bobby, says I have the record for how quickly someone has done that. Almost went through the second one today. And these are expensive pieces of gear, so I need to pay a bit more attention.

Now that I know I can walk with this new leg and foot, I have two issues to address. One is driving. On the web there are all sorts of hand controls for about $300 that folks will send to you. And there are all sorts of places that will sell you something that is less well defined and not priced on line. What I can't find is any assessment of any of these products. Also can't find information on how these will work on my Prius. And I need something that I can also put on the Toyota Sienna van that I will have in my parking space for the coming year while Julie et al are in Capetown. It was my van in past years and I need it for a couple of things on my agenda already.

Other challenge is what I wear. Most of the pants in my closet are not likely to fit over this prosthetic leg. I never had small legs to start with and the prosthetic makes it even bigger. It will really stress a lot of my pants and others simply won't fit. My last occupational therapist, with whom I had a conversation said "skirts - Annie - go to long skirts". Well, I haven't had on a skirt in forever and there are none in my closet, but I think she is right. Need to go on a shopping trip. And of course, any skirts I do, will take me back to the 70s. Flowered shirts, jersey tees, long gray hair - back to hippy, earth mother Annie. If only I could wear birkenstock sandals again. (Can't do that lowered heel, but I'll bet I can find something that looks like them, but works for me in a while).

That's today's update. I'll see what tomorrow brings.

June 15, 2010 2 of 2

2010-06-15T18:02:00.003-04:00

This is the post I did yesterday to the MOR Associates web site. It might be of interest to some of you. It's about leading change and surviving change. I know right now I am surviving, but I am trying to model how to do it well, and I think that is a leadership activity.

----------------------

I'm sittin' here in rehab - having had an hour of physical therapy where I just started to learn to walk on new leg - and having spent time in the cafeteria after that with Newsweek as my company. This is the June 14 Newsweek issue and there is an an interview with John Chambers in the Business and Technology section. (Another interview with John Chambers). The question asked John by Richard M. Smith, interviewer, is: "You've moved into an area that's very new for Cisco, and that's consumer products. Did you have to teach your team to dance a little differently to anticipate the needs of this new market area?" And John's answer is, " I had to learn to dance differently". He goes on to talk about making decisions to get into new technology markets, but it is the "I" in his answer that really matters. I am learning to dance differently right now - to dance on a leg and foot composed of carbon fiber, titanium, and other materials. And learning to dance differently is a slow and thoughtful process for me right now.

I had a friend visit me this past week, another retired IT leader - a national leader in moving technology into the teaching and learning areas. We were talking about our careers, how we loved instigating change, bringing it about, and how hard it was when it happened to us - when we were the folks being asked to change. We also acknowledged that we had been down the path of personal/professional change many times in our careers and that our success was contingent on accepting some changes we did not relish, and moving on - or forward - doing something. Neither of us had mastered sitting still or simply letting things happen to us. And often, when we saw the need for change - either in the adoption of some new technology or system, or in the organization it meant we would have to change, we would have to do something different, we would have to model doing it differently.

So, Chamber's words meant a lot to me this morning. They brought me to reflect on that conversation from this past week, and they brought me to reflect on the walk I am taking right now (or the dance I plan to do, but that will be a little while). Gotta walk different. Will dance different. Will work to model doing this different stuff with elegance and grit.

As leaders, we lead change, and we change, and we model doing it differently with elegance and grit.

June 15, 2010 (1 of 2)

2010-06-15T16:53:00.003-04:00

It's about 5pm - and I need to be to the dining hall for dinner before 5:30, so perhaps I will be quick about this. 2 of 2, coming after supper, is something I put on the MOR Associates site yesterday after reading an interview in Newsweek of John Chambers, CEO of Cisco Systems. But, 1 of 2 is about this day.

At this very moment I can name the parts that go on Daisy to make a prosthetic leg that I can walk on. The first part is called the gel liner - that goes on before anything else and has the screw sticking out the bottom. The challenge is to get that part on so that the screw will line up with the hole in the bottom of the socket - the carbon fiber shell. That screw then ratchets in to the pylon through the socket. The pylon is the is the shiny metal pipe like thing that connects to the prosthetic foot. The socket, pylon and prosthetic foot are all attached as you put them on. The two pieces to be put on are the gel liner and then the "contraption".

Once I get this contraption all on, I get to walk and side step. I am not doing that hands free yet. I use a walker to go up and down the hall. The side stepping is done between the parallel bars. Need to build up the time I can keep the contraption on and check Daisy carefully after each removal to be sure she is not hurting in any way. So far, so good. I should be able to go home keeping this contraption on for about three hours. (Do I name the contraption? Do I simply call it the prosthesis? Do I continue to call it the contraption? Have to figure that out).

It is interesting to think about life with a prosthetic leg. I am asking questions like, "How do I get to the toilet at night? There are multiple answers. "What do I take with me when I travel, a walker?, the wheelchair?" Answer seems to depend on where I am in my recovery and to whom I am talking. "How about driving? " You can imagine the answers to this. What I am clear about is that I do not drive a four on the floor Fiat in Italy. I guess I need to take tours where someone else is the driver.

My stretch goal is to go home this Friday walking with only a cane. Not sure if that will work out, but I will hold to it for another day, at least. I'll see where I am by this time tomorrow afternoon.

(Blog post 2 of the day a little later).

June 14, 2010

2010-06-14T16:09:00.002-04:00

Back in rehab. Checked in last evening and began work late morning. Prosthetist worked with me on black carbon fiber shell (I'm not sure what you name these parts. First step is to pull a magic teflon type sleeve over Daisy. After that the carbon shell goes on. Screw on bottom of sleeve has to fit perfectly into shell. Haven't mastered that yet. That means you have to get sleeve on Daisy in exactly the right position. Maybe I'll have that down pat before end of therapy day tomorrow.

Physical Therapy wants me to have the arms for the wheelchair. (They are hanging in my basement stairwell because they add weight and bulk to chair). Hope daughter, Julie, remembers and picks them up tonight so they will be with her tomorrow. I am taking a morning leave tomorrow to go to grand daughter, Maeve's graduation from middle school. It's a big deal because she and family are leaving for Capetown for a year shortly thereafter. So these celebrations are important. Arms seem to be about me being able to stand up and walk in walker. I don't need arms to stand up - and Marc, my PT guy has figured that out, but they all still would feel better with me in chair with arms.

How did I get side tracked on the chair. The new leg is more important than that. I trudged a bit between parallel bars. Daisy does not seem red or sore or in any other way bothered by this activity.

Much to my surprise, I think I need to nap right now. Found myself dozing with this beautiful MacAir on my lap. Can't let it fall off. More tomorrow.

June 10, 2010

2010-06-10T16:09:00.002-04:00

It's Thursday afternoon and my friend, Ruth, is at the sewing machine. She came from California to be with me for a few days and as a side product of her visit, to get started quilting. So, yesterday, with another friend, Johanna, we went to the quilt shop, Ruth bought some starter stuff, and she is now starting. Yea, Ruth.

And the big news from yesterday was a visit to the prosthetist to see if he had turned the cast - taken the week before into a temporary shell - that will then be used as the prototype for the carbon fiber thing (I forget the correct name for it, but I'll come back to that), that Daisy will wear, and to which will be attached a bit of titanium leg and a magic foot. This plastic shell looks like a very large water bottle, (the liter kind, not the gallon kind). So prosthetist, Bobby, comes into the room with the plastic water bottle thing attached to a bit of titanium attached to a pink plastic foot, for which he looks for a sneaker. And he is going to put this on me and I am going to walk in it??? Oh dear! I have gotten use to this wheel chair, where I can move quickly and turn on a dime. Son and daughter were with me for this visit. Daughter saw her job as that of recorder of the event - moving pictures, still pictures. Son saw his job as mother care-taker and advocate. I tried very hard to look as if this was just an ordinary event for me - put clearly it wasn't and he saw that right away and became concerned. So there were two of us in this room just a little anxious.

Hangar Prosthetics has a room with a walkway and associated ramp with the bars on both side for trying to walk. So, I rolled up to the top of the ramp, was positioned in my chair facing the walkway and Bobby slipped the prosthesis thing on me. Then I was told to get up and stand on it - and walk on it. Fit was not perfect - Bobby made adjustments. Titanium piece a little too long, and that would be adjusted later. After a galumph on the walkway - maybe two or three galumphs, some adjustments to the water bottle in between - we were done. Well, not quite done.

Question is, what do you want the finished water bottle to look like? It will be made of a carbon fiber material. Can be done in black, can be done in a couple of different skin colors. For all I know it can be done in purple. I didn't ask. You can also have it tattooed. Apparently a design from a tee shirt can be built right into the carbon fiber. There are lots of Steeler and Penguin design prosthestics in this town. I'm not doing Steeler or Penguin. For now, I'm just doing designer black.

Now what? This prosthetic needs to be built, based on the water bottle and Bobby's idea of the "right" foot. It will be ready for me in rehab on Monday. So, I'm checking back into the hospital on Sunday, around 5pm to get ready for the next part of this adventure. I was just on the phone with the rehab place trying to negotiate a room with a view and a bed by the window. I also want to be able to go to the cafeteria on Monday morning, and then go right to PT. Don't want to spend time sitting around while they figure out what to do with me. (And I need to check out on Tuesday morning to attend one of the granchildren's graduation - Maeve from the 8th grade).

This morning was Liam from 5th and I was there (with friend Ruth - nine 12 year olds graduating from a Waldorf School). Last night was grandaughter Ali-Beth from 8th grade - but there were not enough tickets for all of us and accessibility not easy. Three graduations in five days.

So - back to rehab on Sunday - new leg on Monday morning. Next part of this whole adventure!! More blogs coming.

May 5, 2010

2010-06-05T08:17:00.002-04:00

How do you run after a dog that has gotten away, from a wheelchair in the rain? Came home from supper with a friend yesterday evening. Note on my back gate from neighbor I don't know, Mike, saying Moose got out - he returned him - Moose got out again - he returned him again - and then he locked the gate tighter. Regardless, Moose was gone. As I was going out, I thought it might thunder, Moose panics in thunder, so I locked him and Rags in the house. Moose left house by jumping through an open window - through the screen. And he can open the gate if it is not double locked. But I don't know how he got out of the yard after Mike put extra tie on it. Clearly he went over the five foot fence somehow. He was nothing, if not determined. Called daughter to come and look for Moose as Moose is Julie's, but was staying with me. Then called Mike to tell him thank you and turned out Mike had Moose and had given up trying to return him for the third time. During a thunder storm, Moose wants to crawl inside of a human being - and I guess Mike was available for that. Julie took Moose back to her house. Moose will stay with me while Julie et al are in South Africa starting mid-July for the year. We have to figure out how to cope with Moose and thunder. Julie thinks we should get a kennel and I will kennel him when I leave the house. She probably has the solution. Littler dog, Rags, usually follows Moose on his journeys, but the window was beyond Rags. The fence would be beyond Rags too. Good!!

It's about nine or ten days until bionic leg is ready. I am looking forward to that. I have a friend who has a homeopath, and she has gotten me a homeopathic remedy for the pain in the ghost foot. It's called hypericum. I am popping it regularly in my waking hours and waiting to see it bring some relief. I really just became aware that I have very little feeling in the bottom of Daisy - but all of this wild, electrical energy beneath her. Weird, huh.

Had really good sushi last night at Sakura in Squirrel Hill - a restaurant that I go to on occasion, but that doesn't have the booming business of the other sushi restaurants nearby. Sakura is the closet sushi place to my house, and I need to keep going. I don't want to see it close.

And that's my morning meanderings. It is now 8:30 on Saturday morning. Have an early supper date at 4pm. Need to delay breakfast - have a sort of brunch instead. So, I think I will start the morning with a cup of capuccino and the building of a quilt block.

Loose dog, wheelchair, rain
Not a good combination
Glad dog not gone far

June 1, 2010

2010-06-01T16:42:00.002-04:00

A quick update after visit to prosthestist. Leg was cast for prosthesis. According to Bobby - who will become one of my new best friends - it takes about a week to turn this cast into something I can wear. And if the prosthesis casting is good, from there it is just, according to Bobby, assembling parts to make the rest of the leg. The feet options matter. I told Bobby that I wanted to walk a lot and that I wanted to do some hiking. So, I'll see what he comes up with. I'm moving along on schedule. Should be in rehab learning to walk with this new leg in two weeks.

May 31, 2010

2010-05-31T15:00:00.002-04:00

Off kilter woman
Building off kilter quilt blocks
Colors glorious

This came to me as I am sitting building very funky log cabin blocks. Not worrying about whether anything is straight. When I get close to 9" x 9" I am adding whatever I need to in order to get to 9x9 and then I square the block off. Figure I will make 30 blocks, add some great fabric borders, and then worrying about turning this beautiful piece of off kilter patchwork into a quilt. My plan is to get one or two blocks done a day before I go back into rehab. So, maybe all thirty will be done by then. Must get the long arm machine up and working again. Moved it from downstairs to upstairs when son and family moved out, but it is not assembled. And I can't get upstairs yet anyway.But this is the answer to turning tops into quilts, and I have a lot of tops awaiting that kind of attention.

Editorial in Saturday's Pittsburgh Post Gazette by David Brooks titled "Out of Control". Brooks focused on the oil spill and talked about the challenges of big systems - and the risks inherent in them. He asked how we build a cadre of people who can ask questions about the risks inherent in these big systems, how we "improve the choice architecture". This certainly applies to the work that we have been doing in large scale computer systems too - and all other major systems where the number of components become just about unmanageable. Interesting editorial. Huge challenge for our world.

I an heading to the prosthetist tomorrow. First step toward building the new bionic leg. I really am just two weeks from trying it out. This will make me just a bit less off kilter. Although I don't ever want to become completely on kilter in my thinking. (Nice thing about the bionic leg is it is a contained system - a minimum number of parts - can be totally understood and managed).

Today is Memorial Day. I give thanks to all those who have served our country in war and in peace. And my prayers go to the families of those who have lost their lives, but even more to the warriors who have come home less than whole in their bodies and/or their souls.

May 27, 2010

2010-05-27T17:07:00.003-04:00

It's 5pm - and I returned from a great outing about 45 minutes ago. My friend, Johanna, took me on a trip to Quilt Company in Hartwood Acres and then we went out for lunch (pizza). Johanna and I are both a bit rash when it comes to buying fabric. If we see it and we love , we mostly buy it. It's much easier for me to spend money on fabric than on anything else. So, I have a new beautiful pile of stuff as an addition to my stash, and that I will use initially to continue to build a quilt inspired by the quilt book, Liberated Quilts by Gwen Marston. ( A get-well gift from friends based in Boston). I'll make 30 liberated blocks and go from there.

I said on Tuesday that I would report on progress on this amputation, having seen the doctor, or rather his PA, Chad, the prosthetist, Dave, and a nurse practitioner in training whose name I don't remember. Chad said the orthopedist was done with me - that I was discharged to rehab folks. The nurse took out the 33 staples in Daisy and Dave came in with the "shrinker" and worked with me from there. The shrinker is like a tight orthopedic stocking made to fit the residual limb. Shrinkers come in different sizes, and it is expected that I will eventually down size. In the meantime I wear this 23.5 hours a day. The other .5 is for bathing. And the shrinker is the step preceding being fitted for the prosthesis. So, I have a date with Bobby, another prosthetist, next Tuesday.
Bobby will cast Daisy for building the top of the prosthesis. A week later, I go back for fitting Daisy with the top of the prosthesis, and taking measurements and making decisions about the rest of the prosthesis. And another week later, the prosthesis (yet unnamed) will be ready and I will check myself back into rehab for a week of gait training as well as continued tinkering with the prosthesis. I figure I will be discharged from all of this somewhere between Friday, June 18 and Wednesday, June 23.
Don't know if I will be driving by then, or whether that is a separate mastery process - but I can sort of take this stuff one day at a time.

Pain continues to be a challenge with neurotin remaining the drug of choice. Orthopedist and friends are rather indifferent to this. It doesn't seem to be their problem at all. So I probably need to get closer to my primary care physician on this so we can build a plan together. There are a couple of pain clinics in town with acupuncturists on staff. I am going to try to wait until I am independently mobile to make some dates with these folks. And perhaps by then, I won't have to.

Oil spill surely sucks
Earth and sea forever sick
Young are left to cope

I really enjoy the haiku that are coming back to me. At some time, I will get all haiku together, yours and mine and the haiku that has come by e-mail and even in 'get healthy' cards and put it in one place. It would be fun to see it all sequentially.

And one last note of great interest. Four year old next door, Aidan, and his sister came for a brief visit carrying good food. Aidan wanted to know how I put my pants on.

May 25, 2010

2010-05-25T18:10:00.002-04:00

It's a little after 6pm on Tuesday. This is a quick entry as I am heading to a preview of The Karate Kid with two grandchildren and their father (my son-in-law). Wanted to note that I wdnt to orthopedist today and that office discharged me. They took out the 33 staples and said I am ready to be turned over to the rehab team for all the prosthesis stuff. So, I have a shrinker and a date next Tuesday for casting of Daisy. Dates are here. Gotta go.

May 24, 2010

2010-05-24T11:57:00.003-04:00

Had a really busy weekend. My dear friend, Beth, from Rochester, NY came to spend a couple of days with me. She arrived on Friday and left yesterday. Beth is a gardener, par exellance, so we spent time in my garden (or at least she did0, she started by pulling weekds. Then on a trip to Whole Foods and Giant Eagle MarketPlace for some food goodies, we also bought plants. And Beth has planted new stuff in my back yard. I will have more basil than I know what to do with come the end of August - all different kinds. It was really good to have her here with me.

Also had a day of good church stuff yesterday; the music at the service was glorious. We had a guest saxaphonist (name gone from my head and my papers), apparently of world reknown, who accompanied our pretty wonderful pianist in a couple of duets, and played with the choir and the congreataion singing. Wow!! Took Beth with me to church and then to lunch with daughter and friends. Then drove by to see James' house.

More stuff went on during day, but as I was getting ready for bed last night, this came to me:

Why do we wear bras?
They are not comfortable
Can we do without?

So today, I do without. (More than you ever wanted to know).

Tomorrow is doctor's appointment day. I am not too sanguine about this. If all is well, the 33 staples will come out and that won't be fun. Perhaps if they are out, some of the phantom pain will recede. I am on the largest dose of neurotin and it is still banging at me. I am also worried about where I think the big calf muscle should be attached to the front of the tibia. Feels okay, but looks strange. Then again, why should I know what this should look like as it is new for me. I'll report after visit tomorrow.

I have two dogs living with me this week. My dog, Rags and Julie's dog, Moose are here. Julie and family went to Ann Arbor last Thursday for Liam's pentathalon, and when they came home I said that I didn't want to give dogs back. I like their company. So, we will share them for the next two months until Julie et al go to Capetown, and then they will be with me for a year. Have to do something with gate in yard as Moose can open gate and then they go wandering. They did this Saturday while Beth and I were doing our Whole Foods run. Big thunderstorm, makes Moose very unhappy, and his solution was to open gate so they both could take off. (I have a doggy door so they can get in and out of the house - it's not that I left them out in the rain). Blessings on neighbors, Linda and Bob, Jay and John for doing dog rescue in the rain - twice. And I'll get a new latch on the gate this week.

Will report more after visit to doc tomorrow.

May 22, 2010

2010-05-22T12:14:00.003-04:00

A quick note about phantom pain and the ghost foot. The pain was getting worse an d lasting longer. I really didn't want to spend the day in bed on pain pills and I hate to be a wimp about pain, but I decided it was time to do something. I had been trying to wait until this coming Tuesday when I see the orthopod again. Decided waiting was too valorous - that it was time to make a call. So, I called the orthopod's office.

Orthopod's fellow called back and said that I did not want to wait to manage phantom pain. He asked if I had nerve pain prior to the surgery, and I said "yup - that I thought I was stretching the nerves unmercifully as the foot was moving off the leg - and that was the cause". He agreed that I was probably right, and said that phantom pain was usually worse if there was nerve pain prior to the surgery. He also said that you don't want to wait to treat it - as you want to interrupt the nerve energy before the neural patterns set in and then become very hard to interrupt. The surgeon's proposed solution was to increase dosage of neurotin - if my pcp agreed.

So, being a good citizen this week, I called the pcp's office (primary care physician - the new buzz word for "your regular doc", and got agreement to increase the neurotin. I am moving from 1800 mg a day to 2700 a day for now. I understand that you can go to 3600 mg with minimum risk. The primary side effect is drowsiness, and I seem to be doing okay on the 2700. The pain has not gone away, but it is feels less destructive to the ghost foot. Maybe a couple of days at this level will decrease it even more. I'll see.

I talked to a friend who's stepmom had an amputation and she reported that her stepmom had phantom pain for somewhere between 8-12 weeks. So, for her, it went away I am hoping that I follow the same model.

And beyond the pain, my friend, Beth, has arrived from Rochester NY. It is good to have her here. I had hoped we could go to Phipps Conservatory and look at the gardens - but it is raining right now - not the best time to roll around in a garden. So, instead, we are gonna watch a movie on my great big TV (all of a sudden, I like watching TV- this big screen is grand), and eat chocolates. A box of chocolates from one of the best chocolatiers in this country - Candinas in Madison WI, arrived the day before yesterday. Sent by two of my dear Madison quilting friends. The advisory on the box is "eat within ten days". I shared a bit with daughter and family this morning, but Beth and I will enjoy most of the rest while we watch a movie on TV.

May 19, 2010

2010-05-19T18:32:00.003-04:00

I voted yesterday - in Pennsylvania - so I participated in this important electoral process. Son came and collected me around 9 am - we used my car (first time in it - and it was very easy to get in and out of) took car to service station to put air in tires - for some reason they were very low, and then went to fire station at local borough hall to vote. While there was an access ramp, the folks inside rolled up the doors that the fire trucks roll out of so that I had most easy access. And after doing my civic duty, I took son for breakfast. Our first stop was a place right in my neighborhood which turned out to be not accessible. So, we went to my favorite large diner, Drew's, very accessible and a breakfast menu that goes on and on. Worked for James and for me.

Today I finally got back to the quilting stuff. I had received a new quilting book from my MOR Associates friends that provided inspiration to work with little pieces of fabric in a less than structured way. I am finding that I can do that - ironing board set at sitting height - cutting doesn't need to be precise, and I have used my left foot for the sewing machine pedal since 1988. I have twelve blocks started. I will keep building these blocks and see what happens.

Daughter, Julie, is leaving with her two children for Ann Arbor in the morning where grandson, Liam, will compete in the Waldorf School fifth grade regional pentathalon with his class. Waldorf Schools fifth grade curriculum focuses on ancient Greece and fifth grade classes do this each year. Julie has been fostering my dog, Rags, since son, James, and family moved in with me more than a year ago. It didn't make any sense to send Rags home when I was heading to the hospital, but Rags came home today with Moose, Julie's dog, and they will both spend a couple of days here. I have a doggie door that they use, so I figure we will all be fine together. Moose is a combination of a German shorthaired pointer and another German hunting dog - name of which is not in my head at the moment. He is six years old and hyper. Rags is a four year old cock-a-poo and is a thief - he puts his nose into all sorts of places and takes stuff from wherever he has stuck that nose of his. It will be a bit more active in the house than it has been since I have come home.

Both of these dogs will be with me starting sometime in July for at least a year while Julie and kids join Kevin in Capetown for the year. I am hoping that I will be able to walk them in the park - maybe not the beginning of July, but by the end of August. One of my clear objectives has been to be able to take Rags for walks in Frick park. May need some help to walk the both of them for a few months - but I am going to work on meeting this objective.

New leg coming soon
Gait training for park walking
With dogs in the fall

(or should last line be
With dogs with no falls)

Chocolate has been arriving in my house. Yesterday it was handmade chocolates from the Pittsburgh Strip District. Today a neighbor brought a box of Belgium chocolates. Then in the mail, a box of chocolates from Candinas chocolates in Madison arrived. I am rationing all of these delights. And today one of those great fruit boxes also arrived - mostly pears, but other beautiful stuff. Had a pear with some chocolate just a little while ago. Believe that will be my supper. And thanks to all the givers of these great gifts.

Daisy continues to shrink. I see doc next Tuesday and will know a lot more about time frame for next set of activities after that visit (I hope). Phantom pain is moving a bit closer to bottom of residual limb. It's like the ghost foot is a bit closer to Daisy. But its still there. While I am not a fan of pain medicine, I am trying to get a prescription refill as this stuff does provide some relief.

Now, I am going to watch The Blind Side, that is the first of the netflix movies in my new subscription. That netflix subscription is a gift too. I am really being well cared for. And I have seen enough of Rand Paul on TV for today.

May 16, 2010

2010-05-16T20:27:00.002-04:00

Distressed foot is gone
But it's ghost is haunting me
Begone ghost! Begone!

And other than that, I am doing amazingly well. I'm quite competent in this wheelchair. Tool around the house easily, and out into the yard. Feeling stronger and more secure with walker. Took chair to front door (pushing walker in front of chair), then moved from chair to walker so I could get out on front porch. Sat in rocker on porch and looked at my beautiful front garden for a while. Azaleas and rhodies are still in bloom. Other plants are looking happy. Chives look quite strong. In back yard, peonies are about to bloom.

And besides enjoying my garden, I am enjoying the company that is coming by. Quilting friends, friends from church (First Unitarian), and long time friends keep coming by with food and flowers and good conversation. And a subscription to Netflix. Thank you all!!

This morning daughter took me to church and a quick stop at Qdoba with two grandchildren for lunch. Yesterday, daughter Julie and I took all grandchildren (five of them) to see Robin Hood. Expected to see merry men. It was not a very merry movie - lots of villages being burned, men being beheaded and horses suffering horrible injuries. Probably should have gone to Iron Man Two instead.

Today, since church, I am hanging around keeping leg elevated and seeing if that does anything to minimize pain. Doesn't seem to. So, I might as well keep tooling around. I am back to doc in about ten days - and at that time, if pain is still a problem, I will do some more thinking about alternative treatment. (Current treatment is an occasional pain pill - the occasion being bedtime so the pain doesn't keep me awake). And there is no pain in Daisy - all pain is in the bottom of the ghost foot.

Took my weekly shower today and getting up and down stairs on butt was much easier than last week. I am assuming that means two things - I am smarter about it and stronger about it. And while upstairs, I used walker to check out rest of upstairs, get some other clothes from closet, made a list in my head about work to be done upstairs. Hate to bother son and daughter as both are about to their a--es in alligators with huge life changing stuff in front of them and much to do to be ready. And they do give me their time and their love. Maybe I need to let some of the "to-do" stuff on that list go - and just try to get the minimum done until I am mobile, ready to organize my stuff, and maybe even wield a paint brush.

Daisy is shrinking. And wound looks like it is healing very well - even with its 33 staples. Hopefully that means Daisy will be unstapled and ready for a shrinker (instead of the ace bandages I wrap her with daily) once I see the doc in ten days. And maybe I'll get some news about when we can begin fitting the prosthesis.

Ghost, begone, begone!
Get out of my life right now
I've got things to do.

May 12, 2020, Wednesday

2010-05-12T13:57:00.003-04:00

I do remember this from the last big ankle surgery. Once the body recovers from the assault of surgery, it feels to me as if it is time to do things and go places. And that's what is happening now. I want to go to the nursery and buy plants and dig in the garden. I want to go to the quilt store and putter around and come home with more fabric that I don't need. The list goes on. Maybe a trip to Whole Foods or Costco is in there someplace. Now, this is not the most reasonable way to be feeling, because if I do any of those things - in the wheelchair with someone helping, I would be exhausted within a short time. This simply has to wait. I suspect that in a couple of weeks such ventures will be more reasonable in the wheelchair.

It's hard for me to remember that I am less than three weeks post-op because most body parts are working really well. Only pain is that damn phantom stuff. I think I need to name the gone part of the leg - something that goes with being there but not there, so that when I talk to it I have something to call it. At the moment the phantom pain is a burning in the middle of the phantom foot. There certainly is less of this pain than there was, even a few days ago and it is less debilitating. But it isn't gone!!

Physical therapist was here yesterday and he had me hopping around using the walker.

Break for a visitor - my friend Johanna, then grandson on way home from school, then son to bring ghee to grandson. So, its a couple of hours later. And I gave son money to buy me chocolate. Nothing sweet left in house. (He did bring me two donuts for breakfast - and that was a real treat).

I believe that the hopping using walker is part of getting ready to walk with prosthesis. It is hard work. Certainly builds even more upper body strength. It's much easier to lie on bed and do leg lifts and such.

Johanna brought in two days worth of mail - lots of junk mail but lots of cards with good wishes. Probably time for a bit of a rest and a review of the mail. I think there are more cards than bills and that's good news.

Tomorrow is a busy day - a bit of work (by phone) - physical therapist coming back - and someone coming to my house to deal with pantry moths. I am so tired of trying to get rid of these pests, and now, I have an excuse to get help to do it. Maybe Friday I will try cutting out that quilt.

And mentioning help - the home health care nurse discharged me - said that I didn't need to see her. I discharged the home health aid that I had hired - told her I didn't need her help. So, I am a pretty darn independent new wheel chair user. I like that.

May 10, 2010

2010-05-10T14:31:00.002-04:00

It's Monday afternoon. I find myself not as eager to make blog entries as I was a few days ago. I think this is because nothing dramatic is going on in my life at this time. I'm simply into the "waiting is" mode. I am able to roll around the house and do most of what I need to do: answer the door, get a bit of food for myself, put a couple of dishes in the dishwasher, wash my face.

This morning I sat at the dining room table and sorted bills and medical statements and other papers and put most in right files in my portable file boxes. A friend came and brought me lunch. The physical therapist will be here late afternoon, a visiting nurse should be here sometime today, and another friend is coming and delivering lasagna for supper.

But, no big ah-ha's, no substantial new insights, simply learning how to manage life on one level of my house from a wheelchair. I want to get at some of the stuff upstairs, I want to take stuff out to the garage, I want to walk around my garden, pull a few weeds, decide what to move where. All that waits - lives with the "waiting is" too.

I'm going to try to do a brief post every couple of days until life gets more interesting again - like when I am being fitted for the prosthesis. Then interesting stuff is likely to be happening again.

Nothing much happens
My chair rolls back and forth and
Back again. I sit

May 8, 2010

2010-05-08T10:52:00.003-04:00

I was ready to start blogging this morning when son arrived, man with additional bedside commode arrived, then daughter arrived. Commode man left first. Son left next taking prescriptions to pharmacy, and daughter hung in to help me take a shower. The two things i really can't do alone are empty the bedside commode and get upstairs and into the shower. Commode emptying is simply a carrying, dumping and rinsing process, but imagine spilling that all over yourself and wheelchair. I'm clumsy to start with, so I am reserving that task for hired help or my son and daughter. I have hired help in morning for another seven days, then I need to schedule son and daughter. (Bless them!!) Additional bedside commode however means that once I am ready to get up and moving in the morning, I can simply use the downstairs bathroom with a commode with side rails already on the toilet. Don't have to move the one from beside the becd to the toilet to begin living my day.

The shower is a different kind of challenge. This is an old two story house. Bathroom with shower is on second floor. (Downstairs has what is euphemistically known as a half bath). So, with one leg, how do you get to the second floor. Well, I had that experience a bit more than a year ago with the last surgery, so it was time to bounce myself up the stairs again on my butt. A little different with less than a full appendage than with the leg in a cast. The real challenge though was the shoe on the left foot slipping on the steps. When I got to the top and checked the shoe I have been wearing I realized that it has a pretty darn flat bottom. I bought new New Balance running shoes before the surgery - was saving them until I got the prosthetic, but we took them out of the closet and decided that was what I needed to wear to gain traction on the stairs and simply on the floors. Shower, of course, felt wonderful. Much more effective than a sponge bath in a bucket near the kitchen sink. And bumping down stairs was so much easier than bumping up. For a start, I don't have to lift my weight up each of those steps with my arms. For a second, I had more traction with the new shoe. Just like in the olden days, full bath scheduled for once a week for the duration. After that will be able to walk up and down the stairs and will address the new challenge - still only have one leg in shower. What are the logisitcs around the shower, the prosthesis, etc. Will figure that out later.

Been on two outings since I've been home. This is the end of school year, so saw 7th and 8th graders at Sacred Heart Elementary School do Fiddler on the Roof on Thursday evening. Grandaughter, Ali, had role of Golde in Fiddler and did a just fine job. on Friday, saw 5th graders at Waldorf School do a rendition of the ancient Greek story of Persphone and Hades and Demeter. Grandson Liam had role of Hermes and he made a fine messenger between the gods. Then the 5th graders served a Greek dinner they prepared.

Friend of daughter's, Andrew, asked if I was observing folks working at not looking at my amputated leg. Answer is yes. At first I thought that I would want to hide it, but that ain't so. I figure folks can look or try not to look. In either instance, it is a learning for them and I am not bothered by this. Daisy, by the way, goes out well wrapped. Ace bandages surround the bottom of Daisy, and then she is covered by whatever pants/slacks I am wearing. It's just that there is no lower leg and foot attached to Daisy - and that does have folks checking. Little kids are best because they just look. No big deal.

Granddaughter, Ali, swears she can feel the electrical impulses coming from the bottom of Daisy - those impulses that are looking for the rest of the leg. I think she is right because when she puts her hands below the limb, I can feel the impulses being interrupted. Weird, huh?

Challenges of being at home revolve around being housebound and in a wheelchair. Whole kitchen experience would be easier if counters and stove were six inches lower and island was a foot further from the counter. I find myself going around the island extra times to be in the right position in the chair to do whatever it is I'm gonna do: get something from refrigerator, put a pot on the stove, put something in the dishwasher, rinse out something, etc. And if I were building a house for someone permanently wheelchair bound, the bathroom would certainly be different.

Son just returned with drugs. We are going to do some research to see what he has to do to get his two year RN degree. Hopefully, about a years worth of stuff.

Hate bumping up stairs
Showering is a grand gift
Bump down, no problem

May 6, 2010 - at home

2010-05-06T10:10:00.003-04:00

It's Thursday morning. I left rehab on Tuesday morning, went right to an appointment at orthopod's office, went out to lunch with son and daughter, and came home. For lunch we went to Tessaro's, a place I have been wanting to check out since I moved to Pittsburgh. Had heard that Tessaro's was the home of the best hamburgers in the Burgh. Son and daughter had hamburgers. They looked pretty darn good. I went for a steak sandwich with bleu cheese. It was lush, and satisfied my food needs for the rest of the day.

First I'll report on orthopod visit, then on being at home.

Orthopod was not at all gung-ho about my going to rehab. His preference was that I went home and went to bed for six weeks with leg elevated. I couldn't imagine going home without a leg two days after surgery, so made arrangements for rehab on my own. Turns out there is a real philosophical difference between orthopedist and rehab folks. Orthopedist wants leg elevated and still. Rehab wants you to work. Ortho is concerned that wound area will not heal well, that entire area could open, etc., etc. Rehab is concerned that you are strong and ready to take care of yourself and ready for prosthesis. I tried to get ortho folks and rehab folks talking to each other to evolve a treatment plan that would satisfy both and me. Not sure that I ever succeeded. And because I was with the rehab folks, I went with their plan.

So,, while I am healthy and the wound area is healing well, ortho would have been happier if I had been home in bed since the surgery and continuing on.

As a side note, I remember the same kind of disconnect when I did the ankle implant. Should I be strengthening the area or should I be sitting still waiting for healing? Again I went with PT folks. That's the failed surgery, but I don't think it is because I did six weeks of PT.

Back to the ortho visit. I learned that my entire plan for walking again is off by two to three weeks. I heard that the whole thing was a six weeks process. My assumption was that I would be dancing at the end of six weeks. Well, I got that one wrong. I will be ready to be fitted for a prosthesis at the end of six weeks. I think this means I am fitted for prosthesis sometime the beginning of June and then get it about ten days after that. So that would be back to rehab maybe June 14.

And then there is the decision about inpatient vs outpatient rehab - and I don't have to figure that out today. I think I will figure out a lot more after my next orthopod appointment on May 25.

So, because I am always in a hurry to get to the next place, I am angsting a bit about this, but it's back to that expression that I love, "It is what it is". And that's clearly the first line of the next haiku.

About being at home. My bed is downstairs in the family room. I bought a 40 inch TV before I had the surgery, and that is set up at the foot of the bed. The whole downstairs of the house and the deck in the yard is easily wheelchair accessible. I have my leather wheelchair "rocker" gloves and I am good to go with all of this stuff. I have hired help for two hours M-F to get me started for the day (I need about 30 minutes of help, but that's harder to arrange unless I want to call on friends and neighbors

Son James took me for a walk around the perimeter of my property yesterday to check out the garden. Blooms abound. The azalea are glorious right now as are some of the rhodadendrum. Hydrangea will follow. I've become a real fan of flowering shrubs, especially if you can organize to have shrubs with blooms for different seasons. Checking out my garden does make me itch for a trip to the grand nursery out by Fox Chapel where, or course, I would buy too much plant material. This year, I think the rest of my planting needs to be postponed until the fall. The yard needs shrub material and fall is a good time to plant.

Otherwise, not sure how I spent the day. Did watch some TV on this 42 inch screen - Rachel Ray and the View. All grandkids but one have checked me out, and that one is starring in her school play this week. Matter of fact, I will be taken on an outing this evening, where we have already made arrangements for the wheelchair lift to be available so I can see Ali do her stuff in Fiddler on the Roof where she is playing the mother.

Home Health Care Nurse came by yesterday. Physical Therapist comes by this afternoon. Is it time to start a quilting project? Only so many hours a day I can lie around and read or watch TV.

And about pain - I do believe the phantom pain is diminishing. I realized, as I was about to write about it, that I spent less time talking to my leg yesterday than I had the day before. And the talk goes something like this - as I hold the bottom of Daisy - "Hey, this is the end right here. You can stop sending messages into the void. That's a real waste of energy. Better to send signals about healing to where my hands are". I'm not sure this does anything at all, but this is about retraining the brain, and I figure that talking to it can't hurt and might help.

It is what it is
Each day is twenty-four hours
Wait, tomorrow comes

May 4, 2010, 6:45 am

2010-05-04T06:43:00.002-04:00

It has been another morning with a beautiful sunrise. I have watched trees achieve definition through this wall of windows facing east. The sky has been pink through the trees. Now the sun is appearing as a very bright diamond orb through the trees. I will miss this morning view.

Yesterday was last day of all sorts of stuff at this place. OT had me ironing (test of balance). PT had me getting on and off the floor. I was gifted with a pair of wheel chair driving gloves, and I think they are hot. I am the only old lady in the place tooling down the hallway at top speed with my wheelchair driving gloves.

And I got a new wheelchair. It is mine to keep. Not a racing chair - darn - , but light weight, low arms that easily rotate to the back so you can go armless. I don't have it moving as quickly as the old chair I had been using and that is both good and bad.

Other thing I did yesterday was "desensitize" Daisy. That is about rubbing the end of the limb with rough towels - making it a bit less responsive to stimulus - part of getting it ready for prosthetic.

One of the docs, saying good by to me yesterday, said it was nice to have someone who was intellectual to talk with. Then he bit his tongue. But I'm with him. Easier to connect with professional staff than with other patients. Elitism running at its best.

This morning at 10 am I have appointment with bone doc. Will he remove the staples? I don't know. Folks here say the wound area looks good - no more leakage - nice scar line. I will report on that later.

Time to pack my stuff
Wash, dress, be ready to go
Return in three weeks

I'll know more about whether that's really three weeks or 2+ weeks or more in a couple of hours. So, more this evening.

May 3, 2010 , Monday

2010-05-03T18:24:00.003-04:00

Last day in rehab. Last supper in cafeteria. Not bad, but a NY steak on BBQ sounds really good. That along with green beans that have not been overcooked. And maybe on Wednesday, sushi. There is an organization called Wheel Deliver in pittsburgh and I think I will check that out.

The paragraph above is all that is left of the May 3 blog. I had a lengthy blog yesterday (May 3) evening, and blogger died on me. I said, "ah, fooey" - or something like that. Those of you who know how much I like fur letter words could substitute for fooey. I shut the machine down and went about other stuff. So, I'll leave this May 3 entry at this and start May 4.

May 2, Sunday, 10 am

2010-05-02T10:03:00.002-04:00

Fell asleep very early last night. Was trying to watch CNN, and I went lights out. And here are the 1 pm musings:

Seven pm bedtime
Can't possibly sleep all night
Wide awake reading

Derby in the mud
Prayers for horses and riders
Hallelujah, safe

Blister on thumb
Shall it become a callus
Check in with OT

Need the gloves that wheel chair drivers use - if I continue to use this as a race car, for even the next two weeks. I am a bit dangerous at blind intersections. I go pretty quickly in this chair and expect a clear path. Gotta learn to do this different.

Raining in Pittsburgh right now. I imagine the marathon runners are a bit soggy. I sit in the little library looking at the wonderful white azaleas. They certainly interrupt the gloom of the day. And, I'm going to see The Littlest Dragon with family this afternoon. That will also interrupt the gloom of the day.

Gentle rain, gray skies
A riot of happy waits
My garden vibrates

About Daisy, temporary name for residual limb. Object is to have a stovepipe shape from knee to end of Daisy before being fitted with prosthesis (will also name that I am sure). Daisy isn't that shape yet, more lite bulb shaped - gently light bulb shaped, but certainly not stove pipe. Being impatient, I am sure that Daisy is not responding quickly enough to the wrappings that she endures daily. Will know more when I see surgeon on Tuesday. My guess is that I will be told to be more patient, that Daisy is coming along just fine:

Daisy hurry up
I don't want to wait on you
I want my new leg

How many days post-op am I? Nine. What's that line? "Waiting is".

May 1, 2010 - Saturday

2010-05-01T18:43:00.002-04:00

Uneventful day except for a visitor bringing gifts and my own personal trip to the washer and dryer in the Occupational Therapy area. Otherwise my schedule included 30 minutes of PT and three meals. I skipped lunch in the cafeteria as my friend Carrie brought me a sandwich from Panera and burnt almond torte from Prantl's bakery. For any of you who have not yet had this Pittsburgh delicacy, when you visit, you must have a piece of Prantl's burnt almond torte.

Carrie also brought chocoloate (and more chocolate - and I have stopped worrying about running out before I leave) and a grand collection of books and magazines. Thank you Carrie, and thank you my dear SFW friends who contributed to this huge gift bag.

Carrie and I played two games of bananagrams. I am grateful for her company and for the intellectual stimulation. We even talked a bit about politics.

At this point, I have watched the Kentucky Derby and am ready to put my foot up in bed surrounded by all this new reading and viewing material. I am in the middle of a truly trash novel - and I may get back to that tonight after doing some other viewing.

Tomorrow is my big day out. Feels like a kid released from girl scout camp for a days outing. Off to lunch and to see "The Littlest Dragon". And Tuesday I am heading home for a bit.

Some of you may remember how concerned I was about going home with only one leg, of seeing folks with only my one leg, of whether I would be very dependent with one leg. At this point I am very independent in the wheel chair. I can manage in a walker. And I am no longer concerned about how folks will react to me with just one leg. It is what it is. And that must be my haiku for today:

It is what it is
I go home with just one leg
I will be real fine

Then let's try this:

Shrinker, shrinker, huh?
What is a shrinker really?
Will I get my own?

A shrinker is something you wear on the residual limb (and I am trying to pick a name for my residual limb. I don't like the workd "stump". Residual limb is too long to say most of the time. RL are the initials of one of my grandsons, and I don't think he would appreciate my calling the limb by his initials. Maybe the limb's name is Daisy. Daisy was my grandma's dog and the first dog I really loved. Or maybe I need to pick the tree I am going to have tattooed on the limb and name the limb after the tree). Whoops, back to shrinker, I think it is worn on limb for rest of life. Continues to keep swelling down. Need to get more swelling down prior to fitting for prosthesis. Will likely get shrinker if wound is amply healed. Will know more about this on Tuesday after visit to surgeon on way home.

Tomorrow you are likely to get a movie review on "The Littlest Dragon".

April 30, 7pm

2010-04-30T19:25:00.002-04:00

Friends-

I just went through the postings to my blog. Lots of new ones, even on older entries. One favor - end with your name please. I'm not sure I can connect all the e-mail addresses with names. And I decided that I like the return postings, so please, keep it up, but preferably on the most current entries only.

And some of you may be reading about the mirror therapy. (Pat I just read your blog post, and I have been asking about this). My physical therapy folks have been reading about it too, but have not yet but it to work. And they don't know enough to do that. I need to do a little reading about this myself. In the meantime, I will keep telling the brain to stop sending the signals, but part of the process is simply rebuilding of the neurological pathways in the RL (residual limb) so that the new pathways take over.

No haiku at the moment, but I think the appropriate ending for this evening is "Go Penguins". (I just bought a new childrens book about penguins - And Tango Makes Three - two male penguins sharing a nest and raising an egg the zookeeper put in the nest after he watched them bringing in rocks to sit on. Probably different penguins than the "Go Penguins".

April 30, 4pm

2010-04-30T15:55:00.002-04:00

I've worked hard today, but returned to my room to another beautiful gift, a pot of live, hot, hot pink calla lilly from my friends at MOR Associates. It was a good day already and this just made it better. The weather is beautiful in Pittsburgh right now. Sunshine, temperature in high 70's. After my morning workout I took myself outside with book and dropped Nevada Barr on ground as I fell asleep in chair in dappled shade and light breeze.

Was doing side leg lifts in PT this afternoon on raised mat and began to get some sense of where residual limb lives on my body. As I raised it and then brought it down, it touched left leg many times, but, of course, it only touched part of left leg. Interesting sensation. A really important learning is to develop a brain sense of where this limb ends. I keep talking to the phantom foot and telling it to go away. I don't want to be misled by it again, and I don't want to keep sending electrical signals to it. Here is the 7pm yesterday haiku to my brain about this:

There is nothing down there
You can stop sending signals
They go to nowhere

Cafeteria stops serving supper at 5:30. Way too early for my comfort. I have been the last one in practically all week. I think I make it hard for the staff. Will try to be a little earlier tonight, like 5:20pm.

And I am trying to get a group of folks together after dinner to play bananagrams. (A scrabble type of word game, but faster and easier - no score keeping). Not sure there is interest. Maybe I'll just pop myself at a table in the common area and start building words and see if anyone comes along.

Weekends are quiet here. I think I have managed to have enough to do. And now, back to Nevada Barr.

Thursday, April 29, 3:30 pm

2010-04-29T15:28:00.003-04:00

I started a blog before lunch and decided it was a series of complaints. So, instead of publishing that entry, I am going to put the complaints in an e-mail to the supervising nurse on this unit, copying the director of nursing and the hospital CEO. In my mind, the routine nursing care is, at the best, mediocre. I am passionate about PT and OT, Marc and Lana. The young resident, Justin as well as the doc assigned as my medicine man, Doc Landau are sweethearts. The doc in charge, Doc Kreshon, looks like a young plumber and that works fine for me. Nursing, ehhh. My son said there are two phrases to remember as I know things should be different. They are "standards of care"and "informed consent". Scare the heck out of hospital administrators with those phrases.

I remembered this afternoon, that in an earlier life I had been a hospital administrator. I was a deputy director of Strong Memorial Hospital in Rochester NY from 1980 through 1985 or so. And I have other hospital admin experience. So, I'm not a novice here.

So, here'a a quote for the day. A nurse coming into my room and bringing me the nursing supervisor's e-mail address:

"The flowers in here are beautiful. And they smell so good. Why they are so pretty they could be artifical".

And here's a quote for yesterday. I was in the bathroom that I share with the room next door. As I am about to leave it there is a call from the room next door (Helen - remember her?):

"Yohoo. Yohoo." (Me - poking my wheelchair bound one leg self into her room) "Hi". Helen: "Honey, can you close my blinds for me, please?"

I have to laugh at this stuff. There are lots of wonderful one line vignettes.

And I seem to have another group of haiku. Can't decide which are worth putting forth and which should be tossed but you can get some idea of some of the goings on from these haiku musings.

10 pm Haiku

Phantom leg to floor
The body swiftly follows
Not good going down

Two steps take two feet
I don't have two feet right now
So head hits hard floor

3 am haiku

Gorgonzola cheese
On lightly toasted french bread
Would taste good right now

this mornings haiku

I stepped out last night
The leg wasn't where I thought
The floor was quite dense

I did try to get up from my wheelchair as if I had two legs. Fortunately, I did a spin and landed far from the residual limb (I need to name that limb). I screamed - just once but loud. Nurses came running. I crawled to side of bed. They lifted me onto it. Nothing hurt but my hard head, and that not enough to even have a goose egg.

A little more about how I spent time today. An hour in occupational therapy. Issues are doing this from chair and/or standing with one let.

Made cookies today
Got to do kitchen duty
I could teach this class

Back to my room this afternoon to cards and gifts (thank you Barbara and Ruth). I have my beautiful Wisconsin gift quilt on my bed here.

I just got a "pass" for Sunday. Don't have to go AWOL. Will do lunch and movies with Julie and kids.

And I have not taken a nap since I arrived on Sunday evening, but I think I will lie on my bed under the gift quilt and read a bit of this Nevada Barr book before dinner. I'm gonna try to stay out of trouble - try not to tell folks how they could do things "different or better".

April 28, 2010 - Almost noon

2010-04-28T12:00:00.002-04:00

Schedule for stay in rehab - My team figures I will leave here next Tuesday. I have an appointment with surgeon at 10 am so should be out of here by 9am. I did tell case manager if I ended with a room mate who made me less than comfortable, I would likely leave AMA. She understood that well.

So, in terms of company, yes, I would like it. Therapy schedule is three hours of work between 9 am and 3 pm. So far, I have always been done by 3pm. So, visits are best in late afternoon or early evening or around lunch time. Would love company, but do let me know if you are coming, so we don't fill the place with too many folks at once. Cell phone is 412-992-1313. Call anytime. I can answer in therapy too.

Morning haiku:

I'm not sure I knew
How really hurt the leg was
And now it's gone, gone

April 28, 8 am

2010-04-28T07:45:00.002-04:00

Up, washed, dressed, ready for the day. Last night was a bit hard. First real pain in surgical area. It felt like pressure pain, and nurse came and unwrapped dressing. Bottom of leg is dressed first with gauze and then with ace bandages that are made tight enough to begin to "shape" the end of the limb for the prosthetic. Nurse simply unwrapped the ace bandages, removed the dressing, and left me with an uncovered leg. In a while the pain left and I went back to sleep. But before that, I found myself thinking in haiku - and a bit of other poetic media and I came up with a few observations. I put them on electronic stickies (it was easier to find computer than pen and paper) - so here are my ruminations from 2am.

Haikus of a Hard Night

Wednesday, August 28 at 2 am

Brain learn quickly please
Stop sending energy there
It goes to nothing

The pain burns real
Six on scale of one to ten
But the foot is gone

Remove the wrapping
Release the pressure somewhat
Let the body rest

Nurses are a gift
They are creative and kind
At least, the good ones

Ode To The Bedside Commode
I am so glad you are there
Otherwise I would have to shoe my foot
I would have to stabilize myself in the walker
I would have to go from bed to walker to chair to water closet
I would have to transfer one legged to toilet
Then I would have to do the whole thing in reverse
With you it is a one hop stop - so easy
And who will empty you in the morning?

The lights in Hamrarville just blinked
I wonder what that has done to patients using support systems
Everything has just started churning - did it take a minute?
Are we on back-up systems?
I hope all is well.

Back to haiku mode---

The mind and the brain
They do not work the same
But they share one space

Mind is working well
Brain is confused and off course
Brain suffers from loss

Will attempt to sleep
Turn off lights, shut off that mind
Will the brain follow?

And that't the end of the night time ruminations. Turns out mind and brain both finally went to sleep.

The phantom pain is interesting. It is the same burning sensation that I was feeling in the distressed foot. It's not always there, and I'm going to assume it will go away over time. The other interesting tidbit is that I am not sure where the residual limb ends. I don't have a sense of place around it yet. So the brain really does have new learning to do. I'm not trying to rush the learning. I am observing the whole process with interest and awe and a bit of amusement.

I found a capuccino machine in the cafeteria yesterday and I'm going to head off and get myself a cup right now - and some other breakfast stuff.

April 27, 2010, 6:30 pm

2010-04-27T18:40:00.004-04:00

I'm doing more haiku - about the day and about the future. Thought I would write them down before I lost them. Mark is my physical therapist who has to bear my irreverence and the grief I give him.

About Supper

Crab cakes for supper
Lots of scalloped potatoes
Better than last night

About Physical Therapy

PT for two hours
Young man with gift of patience
Glad you can laugh, Mark

About June

Frick Park with two dogs
Rags and Moose to doggy dam
Before summer ends

About September

Go for endurance
Ability to walk for miles
On prosthetic leg

I like the 17 syllable mode of communication. It sure prevents run at the mouth disease. And I love having them come back at me. Pam - keep them coming!!!

April 27, 5:30 pm

2010-04-27T17:36:00.002-04:00

Need to take myself to supper and see if it provides fodder for another haiku. This is a quick response to folks who asked about visitors. I will probably know tomorrow when I am going home. It may be sooner than originally planned. So, I'll answer the visitor question tomorrow evening on the blog. Maybe what I need is visitors at supper time with different food. Also visitors who might be willing to play a game of bananagrams or who come with cards to play "oh hell" - or even bridge.
More on this tomorrow.

April 27, 2010, 6:30 am

2010-04-27T06:32:00.003-04:00

What a difference a day makes. I am lying in bed looking out my window through the trees at the sunrise. So, now I know that my room is facing east. The room has a window view of the woods and I asked the aid last night to please not close the blinds. She thought that was a bit strange but said okay. Another aid came by later and tried to close the blinds. Again, I said "please don't". And now I can watch the glorious morning coming towards me.

I wanted to share yesterday mornings haiku with you first off. Whoops, I thought it was saved in a sticky note, but I can't find it. It went something like this:

Thirty minutes too long
To wait for help with bedpan
Wet bed imminent

That was yesterday. I thought I pushed nurses call button at 5:45. It was 6:25 before I saw anyone, and that was because they came for my room mate. Turns out I didn't have the call button on. Not sure how that could be, but the nurse showed me where the indicator was in the room, and mine wasn't on.

This problem has been solved multiple ways. I can now transfer from bed to wheelchair, and from wheelchair to the real toilet. I can also transfer from bed to bedside potty. And I can roll that wheelchair down the halls rather rapidly. Took myself to dinner in the dining room last evening.

Creamed chicken on toast
Am I really eating that
I wish I was not

Fortunately folks have arrived with some goodies. My son arrived with a can of almond roca. How does he remember stuff like that. That was my favorite candy of his childhood. Other friends have arrived with cookies. There is always fruit available in the cafeteria. And I'm sure for breakfast that cereal and yogurt will be there.

And here's another story;

No room mate, thank you
Just my own noises at night
I like it alone

First off, at 74, I am one of the youngest people here. And I probably have one of the most active minds of all the patients here. Helen, I imagine, is in her 80s. Her mind does not work well. She is here because she keeps falling and breaking bones. So, every time she tries to get out of bed there is a huge buzzer that goes off (sounds like a fire house buzzer) to let her and everyone else know that she is trying to get out of bed. And besides not taking responsibility for her behavior (I heard her talking to a nurse saying "don't blame me" - and I didn't hear anyone blaming her of anything), it seems to me she suffers from some kind of dementia. I thought that I would not want to be in the same room with Helen for ten days as I was trying to build strength and endurance and learn to move well without a leg. So, political correctness be darned, I asked why I was put in a room with Helen when it seemed to me there were lots of other spaces available. The secretary on the unit wanted to fuss with me and tell me I would have to pay for a private room, etc, etc. Along came a charge nurse and said "Of course you can move, Annie". So, I moved next door to a room where, at the moment, it is just me. No guarantee that I won't get another Helen type roommate, or something equally as challenging. This place is full of folks like Helen. But at least for now, I am by myself with the morning sunshine smiling at me. (Helen's claxon just went off. I can hear it from my room next door. She'll be rescued soon).

Yesteday was an extraordinarily busy day. I was visited by physical therapists, occupational therapists, respiratory therapists, administrators, medical doctors, and a plethora of nurses - a meds nurse (who visited several times during the day), a wound nurse, my nurse of the day, and others. I was left in bed most of the morning while we waited for "my" wheelchair to arrive. I needed a chair with a raised platform for the residual limb. In the meantime, "my" physical therapist worked with me in my bed. When wheel chair arrived I was promptly shown how to transfer to it, and I gained mobility. I was also expected to be at PT and OT on a schedule and from dinner on, to take my meals in the dining hall. Works for me!! My schedule today is, OT before breakfast to be sure I am able to dress myself. Then off to the dining hall. PT at 9 am, OT at 10 am, then a break then more PT at 1pm. Then I guess I am on my own for the day. I know the wound nurse will be by some time this morning (my cast fell off yesterday - so my limb is wrapped differently and now he can see the wound), and I imagine some of the docs or residents will pop in.

My occupational therapist, Lana, is a student (accompanied by the OT manager) who is in her last couple of weeks of her program at Chatham University (practically around the block from my house - well - 5 minutes by car). She is a beautiful woman from Russia. In Russia, she was a TV producer. She said that when she came to this country she didn't know how to find a mentor, someone to help her in the business, so she is changing her life. This is one smart babe. I like her a lot. Son, James, was here when I was doing OT, and he found that he and she are the same age - birthdays maybe ten days apart. They both look much younger than their 42 years.

Bautiful flowers arrived yesterday from Santa Fe Women. Sunflowers and lilies and iris and roses and some airy green and white blossoms. It's elegant and funky at the same time. I arrived back in my "new" room to find it on my extra bed side stand - right across from my bed so when I am not looking out the window, I can look at the flowers. Thank you much SFW friends.

It's time to start my day. People are popping in my room, one after the other. First a nurse to take my blood pressure. Now a nurse to do an EKG. Maybe more later today.

April 26, 5am

2010-04-26T05:15:00.003-04:00

Can't sleep so thought I would blog. Would read my trash novel, but I have a room mate here at rehab and the light is too bright on my side of the room. Will have son bring small, hook-on- book, reading lite later today.
A few things about going for the procedure and having it done. On way to hospital with daughter and son (Julie and James) I said I would like to learn to write haiku. Didn't know how many syllables were in each line. Son had computer with him and looked it up. (Don't know what he has on his computer as we were not networked at the time). So in terms of syllables, haiku is 5, 7, 5. This was a wonderful way to keep my mind busy in the preop area, on the operating table before I was knocked out, and when I woke up. I know I wasn't writing good haiku, but what a wonderful mind exercise. Here's one:

Symmetry matters
I won't be that way later
It will be weird

Another

Today the sun shines
It will shine tomorrow too
My leg will be gone

There were some more and my daughter may have written a couple of them down. I had a nurse in the recovery area trying to come up with them too as I started babbling in bad haiku.

We did the surgery with regional anesthesia instead of general. Regional with those twilight sleep drugs means you are lucid pretty much as you go into and come out of the OR and I like that. I do want to keep thinking. Although I'm not sure I would depend on that thinking immediately as I wake up. Maybe in an hour.

I already talked about how hard Saturday was. Not sure I said something important about seeing my residual limb without all the dressing on it. I thought I had better look when the dressing came off on Saturday, because it is my leg after all. I am glad that Calvin showed me his residual limb when this process began. I was not surprised or apalled. It is a nice neat looking upper leg, goes to a few inches below the knee and then it simply ends. My observation is that it was tidy. The part that was gone had not looked tidy for a long time. I'm not likely to see it again for ten days, as I think this current dressing stays on that long. It is sort of like a soft cast. I do want to continue to appreciate it. It's gonna let me walk in a pretty normal manner. Doc here (met him last night - have to remember the name of his specialty) said that I will be able to slip the prosthesis on and off the limb in seconds. Good news for someone who is not good at waiting.

That's my morning update. It's now 5:45. Stuff is beginning to bang around in the hallways here. (The night was quiet). Wonder if I can try to sleep for another hour.

Post Options

Sunday, May 25 9pm

2010-04-25T20:57:00.002-04:00

I'm in bed in the rehab hospital. Pretty much done with pain pills except for a pre PTdose. Current challenge is to keep residual limb elevated to above the heart. It's easy to slip off the pillows. once I settle just a bit more, I will figure out how the bed will help me too.

Six weeks at the gym with Jamie really helped. I can use that bar they hang on orthopedic beds to move myself well as necessary. I understand that tomorrow they get me up and that I will be put through three hours of PT during the day. I imagine by end of day I will be able to move into a wheelchair and onto a bedside potty. (Mind you, this is my plan - I have not talked to anyone about it and it could not be the regiment of the day. I'll let you know).

Didn't like the ride from the hospital to the rehab center. But I didn't barf. And that was the good news. Hope I can find someone here who will play banagrams with me in a couple of days. Nurses aid said she was gonna put my hair in a french braid. That will be fun.

And that's the evening report. Will write more when I figure out more about what this place is about and what my life will be like here for the next ten days. Now I'm gonna get someone organized so I can brush my teeth, use the bedpan one last time, and sleep.

April 25, 2010 9:15

2010-04-25T09:16:00.001-04:00

This is about 40 hours post op. I'm looking out the window on greater Pittsburgh. There is a pretty view from Allegheny General. I feel alive again today, yesterday was horrible.

I'm dictating to my son I tried his new Acer computer sitting in bed, but I don't like the way it works. Later today I'll be back on my Mac Air. I leave for the rehab hospital at 2 p.m.

I saw the modified leg yesterday when the Doc changed the dressing. It was clean and neat and tidy; but a part of it was not there. I probably need to look at it a lot more so I understand that this is what I look like. However in terms of what I look like, I put on eyebrows, I put on lipstick and I combed back my hair this morning. I also put on underpants. So I'm ready for Freddie or whoever the physical therapist is.

More later from Harmarville, using my own Mac and my own fingers.

addendum by James: George and Dan are the PT guys.

April 23 2010 #2

2010-04-23T18:17:00.002-04:00

The leg is gone. I'm out of the recovery room. I lay here trying to get enough drugs so that I don't attempt to scratch the missing big toe. James and Julie are here, Happy Birthday Julie. James is taking dictation. I decided to try and learn Haiku on the way to the hospital here are a couple.
This was written in the OR:

Men in vivid blue.
Tile walls of yellow color.
Where are the women?

This was post-op:

Symmetry matters.
The right leg has gone away.
This will look wierd.

Then there is the one about a tree that I wrote on the way to the hospital:

The leg goes today.
We will plant a tree for it.
The tree will flower.

Pain and pain meds setting in. Enough for now.

April 23, 2010

2010-04-23T08:57:00.002-04:00

Today is the day. We leave for hospital in about an hour. Check in time is 10:30. I said good by to the leg this morning. My whole body feels a bit anxious. One of my favorite expressions "just put one foot in front of the other" isn't working this morning.

Today is my daughter, Julie's, birthday. Last evening she said she will always remember her birthday as the day they cut off mom's leg. I hope that isn't true. I am planning on this leg thing being a huge success, and hopefully, it will be an event to celebrate.

Right now, I'm gonna strip my bed and pack my bag. The big question is, "how many books do I take?". I downloaded "The Help" to the kindle, but I'm not sure I will be comfortable reading that. And finding books is not quite like a bookstore where you can scan the shelves. I can work on that in rehab.

Gotta pack, gotta go. More next week.

April 22, 2010

2010-04-22T15:22:00.002-04:00

Check in at hospital is at 10:30 tomorrow morning. Surgery is scheduled for 12:30. So, it could be any time from then until who knows when tomorrow. But tomorrow is good-by to the leg/ankle/foot for sure. And while it is painful to think about losing it, it really can't be too soon. It's hurtin' bad and walkin' is really yukky. It's gotta go!

Need to pack a bag today for ten days in rehab. Expect to be home around about May 3 or 4. One last load of wash has to happen to get ready.

And one last posting before surgery in the morning.

April 21, 2010

2010-04-21T14:33:00.002-04:00

A quick update. Today is the day the surgery was to happen and didn't. Doc is on his way home. He's on a plane from Paris as we speak. He chunneled there from London. He gets to PGH sometime around midnite. I hope he sleeps well tomorrow because we cut off my leg on Friday.

I just visited the rehab hospital. Figured I had a found day and that was a good thing to do. They will certainly keep me busy while I'm there. I can use my cell phone. The place has wireless and I will bring my MacAir. So, I can keep this blog going while in rehab.

I imagine I will be discharged to Health South on either Sunday or Monday. That means tomorrow I need to pack a bag for being gone a week to ten days. Trying to think of this as a week or more at a health spa. The place is in a lovely wooded setting; all rooms have views of the woods; there is easy access to the outside.

Now I return to my hurry up and get everything done mode. First thing is to clean all the papers off the dining room table and deal with any that still require action in the next few days. Not too many like that as I have been working my way through the pile. Then I need to plant the dianthus and the strawberry plants. Then I need to .........., never mind, the list goes on. What's done will be done. What isn't will either fade away or wait.

April 21, 2010

2010-04-21T08:21:00.000-04:00

The Heinlein book is "Stranger in a Strange Land'. Remembered name in shower just a minute ago. CNN says flights are leaving from Europe and the UK today. Will doc's flight fly? Will leg be cut off on Friday. I imagine I will know in a couple of hours. In the meantime, I'll just get on with my day. More later.

April 20, 2010 #2

2010-04-20T17:02:00.000-04:00

Just made plans to visit the rehab hospital tomorrow. Thought I would check it out and find out what to bring besides my toothbrush. Realized I had posted wrong address, etc. So here it is corrected:
Health South Rehabilitation Hospital
320 Guys Run Road
Harmarville, PA 15238
412-828-1300
877-937-7342
Looking at the volcanic cloud, I don't expect there will be a lot of flights out of Heathrow tomorrow. And that means surgery won't be this Friday. Up side is I will get to go to church on Sunday when Maeve's class is doing "coming of age - what I believe" talks during sermon time. I did want to be part of that. Tough part though is that at the other end, I am likely to miss AliBeth starring in her school play, Fiddler on the Roof, on May 5 or 6. And that's back to one of my favorite mottos: Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, and sometimes it rains. (Nuke LaLuche in the movie Bull Durham).

I'm betting on a surgery rescheduled to next Wednesday, May 28. What do you think?

April 20, 2010

2010-04-20T11:40:00.001-04:00

It is a beautiful day here in Pittsburgh. I took my son to Pamela's Restaurant for breakfast. Pamela's is the Pittsburgh place where Obama ate pancakes. Then he brought Pamela to Washington to cook pancakes for the inauguration. Son said the pancakes were really crepes and that they were just like mine. So much for the treat of the day. Then we did a quick run to Home Depot where I hit the nursery again. Bought dianthus (pinks) as well as strawberry plants and a pot of parsley. This evening or tomorrow morning I will dig a few small holes in garden and plant these things. Wouldn't have time to do that is surgery was tomorrow. Good to do things right now that add beauty to my life.

And with these couple of found days, I think tomorrow I will make another trip to the gym and then head out to Health South and check out the rehab facility. If I do that, I'll know what to bring with me; I'll have some sense of the lay of the land; I'll know what's coming next.

I am taking my daughter to dinner tomorrow evening as she is celebrating another birthday on Friday. I have filled dinner time each evening assuming that surgery is Friday. I find myself checking the state of the volcanic ash and flights out of Heathrow every few hours. News seems to be about the same. Will the docs flight fly tomorrow? The answer is a resounding, "maybe".

I am under the impression that the connection of my foot to my leg becomes more tenuous every day. I "know" that it is much less connected than it was in the x-ray a month ago. Went to bed the night before last thinking that the foot was simnply disconnecting itself from the leg - and that the only thing holding it in place is the outer covering, my skin. I don't know how much reality there is in that thinking. I do know that I am not going to go to the Fiber Arts International show until I have my new leg. I missed the Three Rivers Quilt Show last weekend because I did not want to try to walk around the auditorium. And I won't see the spring flower show at Phipps Conservatory either. This sounds like whining. I don't mean it to be - but rather to be an observation about my life right now. And my life is good. I have flowers for the garden, I have a family watching over me, I have friends to have dinner with, I have a new 42 inch TV to watch NCIS on tonight and I have lots of books to read.

I imagine if doc doesn't get back tomorrow, we will schedule this surgery for next Wednesday, his regular surgery day. I'll keep you posted.

April 19, 2010

2010-04-19T13:08:00.000-04:00

Last night on facebook I posted that it was about 60 hours until the leg went away. And I was going to talk about a glorious day at church yesterday - installation of our new minister with grand music and dynamic sermons and a great party. What a difference a day makes. This morning I went to the gym, treated myself to salmon crepes for breakfast and came home to work on the list of things to finish before Wednesday. Listened to phone messages. There was a message from doctor's office. My surgeon was visiting his son in London. And there is that volcanic ash. So much for my surgery on Wednesday. I feel like the horse on the racecourse, ready, set, - and the gate doesn't open. No go!! Yikes!! I have been really busy getting ready for this surgery, in my body and my head and my heart. To think I am being foiled by the erupting volcano in Iceland. And I wasn't even in Paris.

Doc is scheduled to fly out of London on Wednesday if all goes well. And in that event, surgery will happen on Friday. If not, maybe next week. This is where it is important to breathe and relive that AA learning over and over and over again - "A day at a time". I had been planning ahead, and have a schedule of dates on my calendar that are contingent on my being done with rehab during the first week of June. I think they hold if the surgery is Friday. If it's not until next week, I am going to have to readjust.

For those of you who have been asking, I am planning to spend a week to ten days in a rehab hospital after my two to three days in acute care. The rehab hospital is Health South - 320 Grup Road, Hammerville, PA 15238, 877-937-7342. Given the surgery postponement, I figure the earliest I am likely to be there would be next Monday, April 26.

A quilt just arrived in the morning mail from my Wisconsin friends. It is such a happy quilt - full of wonderful bright, bold flowering fabics. I am going to take it to rehab with me, but before that, I am going to put it on top of my bed (like right now). Thank you Wisconsin quilting friends. I do love and miss you.

The beautiful cut orchids my friend (and ex-husband) sent me are still in full flower, and they will easily still be beautiful on Friday. My front garden is blooming nicely. I have some summer bulbs from last year unplanted, and I think I will go out and put them in the ground. First though, I am going to finish the pile of paperwork that has been nagging me and is on my list to do today. If that is done, I will treat myself to the movies one evening this week, and spend a bit more time planning my post-recovery trips.

More tomorrow.

April 17, 2010

2010-04-17T19:23:00.000-04:00

I think I write best in the early morning, and this morning I couldn't find my glasses (knocked them off the night stand during the night), was preoccupied with the search, and didn't do my morning blog post. So, I'll try now.

We had a going away party for the foot/leg/ankle yesterday evening. Local friends from different parts of my life came to say good by to the foot and cheer me on. Lots of food, lots of good conversation, a demonstration and a bit of playing of a real hurdy-gurdy by friend Andrew (who also did a bit of throat singing). And daughter, Julie did a picture of me and associated pictures of new leg options. You could pin on the leg of your choice. It was a hoot. Julie promises to make it available for posting on facebook and perhaps on this blog. She said she would work on it tomorrow.

I did a quick run today for new underpants and a new pair of pajamas. Not sure what to pack for a week to ten days in rehab post op, but I figure underpants and pajamas are a good idea. Will call the rehab folks on Monday and get more clear about that. Also bought a pair of sneakers that fit the foot I am keeping. I am wearing men's sneakers about two sizes larger than my real size right now, as that is what the brace fits in. But, after today, there are only three days left with the brace. Then I put the "kept" foot in a shoe that fits it and have one shoe ready for the new foot too.

Walking has gotten progressively more and more difficult with the distressed foot/ankle. At this point in the progression, I am reluctant to step down on the foot without the brace on unless I am using two crutches. It simply feels as if it will not hold me. With the brace, I can walk a bit without aid - from the car to the house, around the house. But any further than that, I use one crutch all of the time and two crutches if I am going further than half a block.

I started a new list this morning of all the "to-do's" mostly for Monday and Tuesday. I always have a list if I am leaving for a week or more, so that's not new. What is new is that there is stuff on the list I will be unable to do for at least six weeks. Do for myself that is. I have to remember that doesn't mean that it won't get done. I can and will ask for the help I need.

I'm gonna go fix myself a steak and a sweet potato and a salad - in my kitchen - a kitchen I am not sharing with anyone else right now. I like that. Then I will have some of the great burnt almond torte that friend, Carrie brought to the party last night. I am so glad there is some left.

Surgery is Wednesday.

April 16, 2010

2010-04-16T09:04:00.000-04:00

Son is on his way over for a bit of furniture moving and a trip to Costco with me. Gonna buy a big TV (37 inches? 40 inches?) so I can see the screen when I am lying in the hospital bed in the family room. (Studio until yesterday, but that is part of the moving furniture adventure - studio goes back to an upstairs bedroom). And maybe this is just an excuse for a big screen TV. After all, I am a huge TV watcher - maybe six hours a week. But, I have an AmEx check that is only good at Costco, so I'm gonna do it.

Flowers came from good friend and ex-husband yesterday. He sent a huge bouquet of cut orchids - purple - just beautiful. They truly are a celebration for taking back the house. They sit in the middle of a clean dining room table. WOW!! (And thank you Al).

Yesterday I was meandering on about tiny changes in how I do my life. I managed to get up, get in shower, get dressed, without making my bed and without worrying about it. Progress, not perfection is a good motto. I am making progress. And the rest of the stuff, I will figure out in a few weeks.

Now to clean the garage refrigerator so it will hold beer and soda for the going away party for the leg this evening. Weather is still good. Today's gonna be a good day.

April 15, 2010

2010-04-15T07:53:00.000-04:00

Need to put a check in the mail to the government today. And the the big tax stuff is done for another year. Whoopee, I think!!

The surgery is six days away. Was brushing my teeth last night and thinking about how this is going to change my daily routine. Reading about prosthesis, I find that it is recommended that, when you take the new titanium leg off at night, you should clean up the cup part of it and you should wash your residual limb. Seems to me that says to "take your shower at night". And that would be after you stand at the sink and brush your teeth, or maybe you brush your teeth sitting in the shower on the shower chair? And then, if I shower at night, do I shower again in the morning? I am a morning shower person because the warm water in the morning gets these old joints warmed up and moving. Fingers are stiff, neck doesn't turn as well, back doesn't bend as well until I've been in the shower. Does this all mean I bathe twice a day, morning and night? Do I have the time for that? Interesting, the little things one can stuck on.

Here's another one - one where a change is already being forced. I am a "get up and make my bed" person. My unmade bed offends me - and besides I like to see the quilt that is on the bed at any given time spread out and being its beautiful self. So, I get out of bed, make the bed, and then head to the shower. This is harder to do right now, because the foot is really barely connected to the leg; standing on it before I put the brace on is not easy. So, I head to the shower on two crutches, shower, return to my room and dress, including putting the brace on my leg, then I make the bed. It bothers me to do it this way. It feels backwards. And I'm sitting on an unmade bed as I dress. Is this the way of the future? I know I need to get the prosthesis on before I can move around and make the bed, so I guess is it.

And isn't it interesting how stuck we can be in "the way it is". Here I am, someone who talks all the time about managing change, and I'm balking at these small changes to my daily routine. One of my favorite expressions for folks that I am working with or my family is "get over it, honey". I'm telling that to myself, but I don't like it anyway.

On another note - I slept alone in my house last night. First time in more than 14 months. Son and family slept in their new (old) house last night. I hope it went well for them. They moved their beds and their clothes yesterday afternoon. They moved themselves and the two dogs and the cat (and the cat and dog food too). There is still all sorts of stuff in my house that they need to take, but they are on their way. I am so glad for all of us. I had someone painting one of the bedrooms last night, and will get the guest beds in today and the big long arm quilting machine out of family room and upstairs in the other room before the end of today. Taking this house back is another recovery process!!

April 14, 2010

2010-04-14T07:20:00.000-04:00

It's countdown time. One week from today my leg is cut off about halfway between the knee and the ankle. Yuk!!! And yup, I have done everything I know to do about getting ready for this, but it is still scary. At some very gut level (and that is where I feel it), I don't like this at all. I know all about life being easier when I have the new leg and I truly am looking forward to that, but an elective procedure to have my leg cut off - eeeyyyyy.

And that's enough of my personal angst in this blog. Today will be a good day. The house being prepared for my son and his family received a certificate of occupancy yesterday. The family expects to sleep in it tonight. That means I get to reclaim my own home. It needs a lot of work to be "really mine" again, but I will start on that today. As the family empties out a room, I am hoping to walk behind them with a scrubbing brush and a paint brush. And if not me, then someone who is helping me.

And I am going to check out the old Kindle that I managed to acquire, figure out how to download some books that are on my reading list, and be ready to take that to early rehab with me. Don't want to have to figure it out when I am not thinking too well. Not sure I will find the Kindle at all as pleasurable as holding a book in my hand, but it could be a very compact library. I am known to travel around the country (and parts of the world) with half of my suitcase taken up with trash novels. Kindle could make leaving home much easier.

Met with Wendy, a care manager, yesterday. Wendy will work with me about getting a hospital bed downstairs, being sure my preferred discharge orders from acute care are in place, and getting folks in to provide me personal care for time when I am home without a leg. One hunk of stuff moved to someone else' competent hands.

It's early Wednesday morning. Youngest grandson has not yet left for school. I have a good thirty minutes to read in bed before I have to be urgent about starting the day.

Monday, April 12

2010-04-12T14:14:00.000-04:00

I'm home this week with a list of things to get done before I can't do much of anything for about six weeks. I started the day working on the list - which included submitting an activity report for the IT leaders work I am doing. That's done. List includes items such as:

Plumbing - That's about getting a supplement to the shower head in the bathroom that let's you move the head up and down and also has the extension that lets you take it off the move up and down pole and use it where you want it. I figure that a shower chair (which I have) and that kind of shower head capability would be a good thing to come home to and to have for the rest of my life. At the same time, I would like to talk to the plumber about doing something so the gas meter can be read outside of the house.

Find living will and power of attorney - Those documents are around here someplace, but this orthopedist and this hospital don't have them. I'll do a search for them later today or tomorrow morning.

Paint - I want the three upstairs bedrooms painted before I come home from hospital. Actually, I want them painted before I go, but not sure I can manage that. Bought the paint for the "guest room" - mostly grandkids room - yesterday - a very pale yellow gold. Need the room empty - maybe by the end of the week? That's the long story about my son and family living with me this past 14 months. I think I have selected the color for the other room, the room that will again be my sewing room. I'm doing it a gray. Do you have any idea how many shades of gray there are? So, I can get that paint in the next day or two. James and family have paint that will work in my room. Seems they bought a five gallon can of something. Lovely warm salmon color. Not too different than what I have. It will work fine. Issue is whether we can get this all done in the next six days.

Lite fixture - Another story, but let it be said that the list goes on, and I am working through it - as well as adding to it.

I did plant some perennials in the garden this morning. Any trip to a place where there are plants is a place I can't leave without some. Put in some creeping phlox where I would put my lobelia. Creeping phlox is a perennial, and over the next couple of years, I think i will get it all along my stone fence, and then won't have to do two flats of lobelia each spring. Can do the lobelia selectively.

I am so aware of how much shorter my right leg is than my left - at least it feels that way. Really the leg is the same length it has always been. It is just that it is much closer to the earth because it is sitting off to the side of the foot and the ankle. Pretty weird, huh?

My daughter thinks we should have a good-by party for the the foot/ankle/leg, so we are doing it this Friday evening. And when I get the new leg, we will throw another party, bury the brace, plant a tree, and dance.

April 10, 2010

2010-04-10T17:41:00.000-04:00

Today is Saturday. I think it is April 10. I dated yesterday's blog March 9. That was simply wrong. Wonder if I can edit the Title. Guess I'll check it out. Strange day today. Not getting much done. My focus on foot stuff took up a couple of hours - go to therapy - go to gym. And grandchildren took up a couple of hours. Where did the day go?

Found another pair of crutches in the garage. It's an old wooden pair. There is a piece missing a critical screw, but I think a trip to Home Depot will take care of that. Then I'll have a downstairs pair, an upstairs pair and an automobile pair. All without any trips to Hospital Supply store.

Daughter thinks we should have a party next weekend to note the occasion of the end of the foot/ankle/leg. Those of you in the Pittsburgh area who read this are likely to hear from her. If you don't, and you want to be there, drop her a note, jstunden@verizon.net.

Right foot/ankle/let took last airplane ride last night. It is glad and sad. I am glad and sad.

2010-04-09T16:08:00.000-04:00

April 9, 2010

I did make it to Urbana-Champaign on Wednesday nite, Thursday morning really. Left Chicago sometime after 10pm. Flight to Champaign was delayed for many hours. Got into Champaign around 12:30 am, and to the hotel sometime after 1am (2am in Pgh), and got to sleep who knows when. Then I overslept in the morning and missed my first appointment. Rescheduled, and I am all done now.

Forgot how hard it was to travel on crutches with all belongings in one backpack and one pocketbook. If I was going to be doing this for a while, I imagine I would get better at it. Mixing clothes and computer and papers in the backpack makes for a bit of a load. I had wheelchair service at Pittsburgh and Chicago airports, but I think the handlers expect that your bags will be checked or that someone will be with you to manage them. So, there I am in a wheelchair juggling crutches, backpack and pocketbook. Not too elegant. But elegance never was my strong suite.

Leaving for airport from UIUC in 20 minutes or so. Need to do juggling act again - or - will MacAir fit in my pocketbook and then I check the backpack. I think I will check this out. And this is a brand new backpack that I purchased to hold all necessary stuff.

I have a lengthy to-do list for the coming week. And it is a week of great quilting stuff in Pittsburgh. There is a big quilt show from Thursday to Sunday, there is a lecture Wednesday night by two world class fabric designers and quilters, and the Fiber Arts Guild opening of the bi-annual International Show is Friday night and Saturday. I certainly will attend the lecture. May try to get to the quilt show on Thursday. Probably won't make the Guild's grand opening, but that show runs through August.

This is my last plane ride before I get the new foot - the last time I go through the detectors in this body configuration- the last time the brace is tested for chemical explosives. Don't know if it is the last time I tell the TSA folks that I can't walk through the screening device without my shoes on. (And that's simply because I ain't walking without this brace and it likes it best with shoes on). Have to see what the new body configuration has to say about shoes.

Now I'll pack my stuff and get ready to check out of UIUC.

April 7, 2010 #2

2010-04-07T20:37:00.000-04:00

This is the first time I have done two posts in a day. I am sitting in the airport in Pittsburgh where my plane to Chicago is delayed for two hours. The plane from Chicago to Champaign-Urbana is delayed too, but we don't know if it is delayed enough. If I spend the night in Chicago, it will mess up my schedule fiercely. And I'm not gonna have another chance to be at UIUC before the leg goes away. It's weather in Chicago that is doing this.

So, if you read my morning entry, you know my current concern is about the time after my leg is cut off and I am home from the hospital until I go back to rehab and get my new leg. I have all sorts of stuff running for me about that time. So, I talked to therapist, Kathleen, about this today and this wonderful woman, first off referred me to someone she knows who is a medical care coordinator. I called Wendy the MC? and she and I will meet on Tuesday. Thank you Kathleen!!

And its not that I won't appreciate visit and help from friends, but this will let me enjoy and appreciate that help more. Kathleen does things like arrange for hospital beds downstairs as well as arranging for the help that I might need.

So, while I am still concerned about the legless time, one part of the concern is gone.

They just called for boarding. So, I'm gonna end this abruptly. And not preview it - hope it isn't full of typos

April 7, 2010

2010-04-07T07:20:00.000-04:00

Two weeks from today is the day that the old leg goes away. I continue to be concerned about the time between the old leg and the new leg. I am so glad the rehab hospital will take care of me for the first seven to ten days. Folks have offered to come and be with me for the rest of the legless time, but I don't know how I feel about that. I am sure I will need the help, and I have almost zero tolerance for the sense of being without a leg and helpless. I guess I need to work that for a bit. I imagine someone smart would tell me that is what I have a therapist for.

Did a trek to Penn State this week. Drove up on Easter and came back yesterday. That's the last drive of any substance with this old leg and that's a good thing. I have less fine control with this leg than is really comfortable. Sometimes I find myself banging the brake ungracefully.

The time at PSU was good though. Folks there have the opportunity to sign up for leadership coaching time and/or to attend a peer coaching workshop. I've connected with some new folks as a result of this work and I have the chance to work with some of the folks I have worked with in the past. I really enjoy seeing folks having an "ah-ha" moment and then taking that to the next place. I'm off to University of Illinois (UIUC) later today to do the same kind of work.

And this will be the last plane ride before the bionic leg comes. I am use to the extra screening at the airport because of bionic body parts, but the new leg is really gonna be more bionic than I have been before. I imagine it's not a challenge for the TSA folks.

And today will be a rather mad day. I am going to start with a trip to the gym, even though my trainer, Jamie, won't be there today. It's been almost a week since I've been there and I imagine I can lose these new triceps rather quickly. Not a good thing right now. So, I had best get started.

April 4, 2010

2010-04-04T14:32:00.000-04:00

Easter bunny has come and gone. Brunch is over. Daughter cooked pancakes and bacon. I did fruit salad and organization. Son planted my new rhododendrums. Need to do one more page of tax stuff, get it ready to mail, print schedule for tomorrow, pack a bag and head to State College. Drive takes me about three hours even though it is only 140 miles. PA has been constructing on the highway from here to there forever, and if I drive more than an hour without a stop I start to doze, so it is coffee time - usually a capuccino from a Sheetz gas station.

I hadn't paid any attention to the fact that folks were posting responses to my blog, and I figured that out last night and went through the responses. Pam, the stuff on the friends with the bionic foot was really good for me to read. I still am not done with this thinking. A foot with painted toe nails sounds pretty glamorous, and there is nothing wrong with glamor. I figure I have a couple of months post-prosthetic to figure out what I want my new leg to look like. My understanding is that you get a temporary prosthetic for a couple of months. So, once I put on the new leg, I can experience what it looks and feels like and work from there. Not a today decision - but a today ponder.

More thinking and comments on driving with left foot in another blog.

Lisa - I'll call you this week. Maybe driving home from State College late Tuesday afternoon. Blue tooth in car is a great invention.

April 3, 2010

2010-04-03T08:55:00.000-04:00

Just a few random thoughts for the morning.

The first one is about lobelia - beautiful little vivid blue/purple annual. I plant them along my stone wall in front of the house each year. I need to do that before I go into hospital, otherwise, when I a ready for planting it will be a little late. So, the week of April 12, I will make a run to my favorite nursery, buy two flats of lobelia and plant. That means, when I come home from the first stint in rehab, they can glow for me and I can smile for them.

The next one is about how quickly time moves forward. The surgery is about 18 days from now. And I am heading out Sunday for Penn State where I will be working for two days - home late afternoon Tuesday and off to quilting class - appointments in town on Wednesday and off Wednesday evening for UIUC where I will work for two more days. Home late on Friday night. It will be a really busy week and will leave me with about ten more "getting-ready" days - days for planting lobelia, for being sure all bills are paid and for having house in order.

And the last one for this morning is about "having house in order". Son's house is just about ready to go. He and his family should be all moved in by the end of next weekend. And I have negotiated the week after "move-in" as a week where he will help me in this house. Want to move my long-arm-machine back upstairs into a bedroom that was long ago prepped for it. Then, for the "recovery-at-home" period want my bed and a few essentials moved downstairs into the family room. And want these upstairs rooms painted and restored to their pristine (hah) condition so that they please me and so that I am not embarrassed when house guests (friends coming from around the country to help and support me) arrive.

Lots to do in the next 18 days. And this morning, its off to the gym, home to dye easter eggs with grandkids and then those taxes - and I have ben procrastinating in getting them together.

April 1, 2010

2010-04-01T19:04:00.000-04:00

If my dad was alive, he would be celebrating his 102nd birthday today. Wonder what he would think about all of this foot and ankle and leg stuff.

I've been too busy the last few days. Managed to overbook my days and evenings and that means the pain level is up at the end of the day and the desire to do any walking at all is way down. So, today, with an afternoon free, I have simply popped myself on the bed and vacillated between reading a novel, looking at a beautiful new quilt book, and napping.

I had my pre-op physical yesterday and all systems are go. It is now less than three weeks before the distressed foot and ankle and lower leg are no longer a part of me. I have invited a few special folks to spend time with me between the removal of the leg and the acquisition of my new leg. (Note - the removal of "the leg" and the acquisition of "my new leg". This is about letting go of the old and making the new a part of me. Sometimes I'm deliberate about this and other times it is just happening). Once I have the prosthetic, I think that seeing folks will be easy. I am still uncomfortable about the time I will be spending without a leg.

I talked to my doctor who did the implant in December 2008 today. He reinforced the need to amputate telling me that with fusions (which would be the other maybe option), 5% result in amputations without the distress that my leg is experiencing. He also said that it could be up to an eight month recovery process versus the six weeks recovery I am looking at. And at 74, I am not willing to spend another eight months recovering from a high risk procedure. So, that's two docs really supporting the decision to amputate.

My neighbors magnolia - the one I can see from my kitchen window is about to bloom. A friends whom I visited today, has a star magnolia in her front yard that is covered with those wonderful starry flowers. My weeping plums are maybe 10 days away from full bloom, and I am having truckloads of mulch spread in my garden next week. On a trip to Home Depot with son, James, I bought three rhododendrum (spelling?) and a pot of ranunculas. Don't know where I am going to put the rhododendrum but they are so close to blooming, that I couldn't resist them. Front garden should be pretty grand this year. Back garden has to wait until big dog moves out with son and family. That seems to be about a week away. Perhaps when I am home with new leg I can begin to renovate the back.

And yet this week, taxes need to be finished and easter eggs need to be colored. Will hide them for Pittsburgh grandchildren to search for on Sunday morning (actually will put son at that task). Even fourteen year olds like searching for easter eggs.

March 27, 2010

2010-03-27T09:14:00.000-04:00

Provided that kindly hospice care to the foot and ankle and leg this morning. Toe-nail clippers, foot cream, moisture lotion. And while I was at it, I took care of the leg that will remain too. Have to remember that that part also needs attention.

So here is the thinking that has to be done. These replacement limbs are really high technology - really bionic. You can cover such a limb with a cosmetic covering that looks like its partner limb (or so they say), or you can simply leave it looking bionic. The cosmetic covering does not come off the high technology components; it becomes part of the package. You can get a cosmetic covering for the foot - and you need that to wear shoes - or you can get the covering for the whole thing. My current sense is that if you have a bionic part - you should show it off - not cover it up. So, my leaning is to leave this wonderful titanium body part uncovered, uncosmetized. (How do you like that word?) Mostly it won't show because I wear long pants in my daily existence. But I would get to see it as it really is and I would get to show it off now and then.

As I'm working through things, I'm not quite sure that I am finished with this one.

And that quilt I went to work on last nite - and will get back to for a little bit right now. Tried three times before I got one small piece right. And I have do do thirty-six pieces exactly like it. It's complex. I suspect that's why the call the class a "master class".

Will take grandchildren (some of them) to the movies for the 11:3o am show. Off to see Tim Burton's version of Alice

March 26, 2010

2010-03-26T15:28:00.000-04:00

Woke up this morning thinking about the foot and ankle. Wondered if I should just ignore it or if I should treat it as if it was in hospice care. Thought about not cutting the toenails as they would be tossed in three and a half weeks anyway. Decided hospice care was the better model. So, I will pay attention to the toes and put cream on the leg and treat it well in its last four weeks.

Saw my therapist just a bit ago and we talked about what happens to the leg after it is cut off. I am NOT bringing it home with me, even if the powers that be would let me. But some ceremony is justified, and probably necessary (for me and for some of my family - my daughter, a couple of the grandkids). So perhaps we bury the brace and the sneakers that I am wearing and plant a tree over the burial site and then say a prayer or sing a couple of songs. I would like to cremate the brace and sneakers as the surrogate leg, but burning this material might be difficult.

When talking about the prosthetic today, I found myself saying, "When I get my REAL leg". That caught me by surprise. I like it though!! So, when I get my real leg, I am going to do more digging in my garden and I am planning my first trip - to the Oregon and Washington coast. When there last, I was not able to walk very much. This time I plan on doing a lot more walking.

Now I will work on the quilt top that is part of the master class I am taking, and then make chocolate chip cookies.

March 25, 2010

2010-03-25T14:18:00.000-04:00

I was fussing about coming home with no leg one or two days post-op and being home without a leg for a month. So this morning I called Health South Rehab Hospital (Hammerville) - where I would go for rehab when I am ready for the prosthesis. They told me I could be discharged directly to the rehab hospital and stay there for somewhere between seven to ten days. During that time they will work with me on using crutches with a different balance point then I have ever used before and they will provide wound card. (And also they will feed me and help me bathe and stuff like that). After seven-ten days, I will go home - but much more recovered than I would be two days post-op. I am breathing deep breaths of relief. I will be able to manage ten to twelve days post-op after some help at the rehab hospital. And then its only about twenty days to prosthesis time. At that time I go back to the rehab facility for another week or maybe two. That's my one remaining big worry crossed off the list.

Have I noted that you can drive with a bionic right leg. At first I thought I needed some modifications to my Prius - like hand controls. Then I thought about a left foot gas pedal (been there, done that), but the Prius doesn't really have room for that. Then I thought about simply extending the brake pedal so I could brake with my left foot driving with my right (my friend Calvin does that), but then, after research on the web, I found that this is a non-issue. You simply get in the car and drive with the bionic leg.

And now, with the damn weird foot, I am going to take myself for a manicure, something I have done once before in the almost four years I have been in Pittsburgh and probably done less than ten times in my life.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

2010-03-24T06:34:00.000-04:00

It's about 6:30 Wednesday morning and I should be on a plane arriving in Chicago. Instead, I'm sitting in my bed writing my blog. I set my alarm (or so I thought) for 4:15 am so I could leave for the airport by 4:45. I woke up at 5:15 and found the alarm set to snooze instead of to wake. So much for working with my friends at UIUC this week. I am trying to reschedule the trip for two weeks out.

I saw the orthopedist yesterday. We scheduled the surgery for April 21 - a Wednesday. And he said that I would go home either Thursday or Friday. It's the going home part without part of my right leg that is a little scary. I asked where the amputation would occur and had him draw me a line on my leg. 2/3 of my lower leg will be removed. Why so high up, I ask, as it is just above the ankle where the problems begin. This has to do with accommodating the new, hi-tech prosthesis. And to stroll in Seattle and on the Oregon coast and in Paris and Brussels and to do a b&b tour of Ireland, I want a new, hi-tech prosthesis for sure.

Many of you have seen the old picture - 1970 - Annie and "the boys" at the IBM data processing managers seminar in San Jose. I was garbed in an off-white polyester dress with a mini-skirt. I was looking at my legs in that picture just this week. They are big and strong and they look healthy. I am going to miss that right leg, even if it doesn't look like that anymore.

I took some photos of the x-ray of the foot yesterday and will post one of them later today.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

2010-03-21T15:21:00.000-04:00

The weather here is beautiful. It pulled me to the yard yesterday and to raking. By evening I knew that I should not be putting as much weight on this foot that is falling off. I put myself down (that is to bed) at about 6:30 pm. Showed son and grand daughter bare foot and grand daughter screamed that is was awful, weird, terrible. Actually it mostly looked like a huge sausage sort of attached to the leg. Son brought me up two crutches, walker, and a pain pill. I think the message it to bear less weight on this foot for the next few weeks. So, I am trying to use two crutches to walk and to not think that I can do yard duty this spring. Probably should take advantage of the electric carts the next time I do grocery shopping, and I do plan on one more trip to Costco before I have the surgery.

I am facing my own "to-do" list that I probably cannot accomplish in the next few weeks, not because I don't have the time, but because I should not be two feet on the ground that much. I really want to get my quilt space in shape to cut out some blocks relative to a "master class" that I am taking (and that I won't finish). May have to simply let this project slide. Darn.
And the taxes still loom. I am heading to UIUC this week, so the taxes will simply have to go on next weeks calendar.

See doc on Tuesday. Should be more definite about a lot of things after that visit.

March 19, 2010

2010-03-19T11:22:00.000-04:00

Had a phone conversation this morning with Dave, the prosthetist - one of my new best friends. (Didn't ever pay much attention to the existence of such folks before this new process began). We talked about rehab facilities - inpatient vs outpatient - need to check my insurance here, but I am hoping for maybe a week of inpatient rehab.

We talked about how you shower if you are not good at standing on one foot like a crane. Turns out, if you don't have a cosmetic covering on your foot/leg, it is okay to get it wet. And, you can also get a "shower foot", that is rubber, not good for walking, but good for showering. Need to evaluate whether or not I want a cosmetic covering or if I want to show off my bionic leg.

Then my questions were: 'Can I wear clogs with my bionic foot?' Answer is 'Yes'; 'Can I wear sandals?' Answer again is 'Yes, and remind me to work with you on getting a foot with a sandal toe, so you can wear thongs.' Who'd a thought it???

And what about the different kinds of feet and ankles. Dave said your requirements are assessed but he would guess that I would want an energy-storing multi-axle-ankle foot. Does begin to sound really space-age, doesn't it? This energy storing stuff stores energy when you move one part of the foot (the toes I think) to be used by another part. This is not a "run a marathon" foot, but it is a walk in the park or stroll around Brussels or Paris foot.

I asked Dave what the name of the Brace I currently wear is - because I forgot and wanted the name for future reference and it is an Arizona brace. This did not work to keep my foot in place, but I can't imagine where my foot would be now without it - probably handing off the side of my leg.

I see the doc again this coming Tuesday and we will move this process forward. There are lots of interesting options and associated decisions to make. I can start working on some of them sooner - like rehab facilities - and some of them come a bit later - like kind of foot. But, I'll get smarter before I have to lock in the decision.

And that's today's report.