September 27, 2017  This should be the heading for the blog, but I have not yet figured out how to do that and how to get the picture the right size, etc., etc.  Sort of like learning, radon, xenon, krypton, helium, argon, neon  - I will get itl

It's seven years since I had my right lower leg amputated and I started this blog.  I am mostly not concerned about the ankle anymore.  It is the aging process that interests me because I a so involved in a critical part of it.  So, I thought I would share some occasional comments about this aging old lady with one leg. 

St. George Island, Florida

January 31, 2015

Dear Friend,

This is a periodic holiday letter coming a month after the recent holidays have come and gone.  I know that I haven’t touched base with many of you in years.  I was prompted by a wonderful late holiday letter from my friend, Polley McClure – thank you Polley.  I wanted to write back to Polley and then thought that there were so many of you that I wanted to touch base with, that I would do a semi-mass mailing.  I added the letter to my to-do list in the order that was going to work for me,  and I am now up to the writing.  In front of letter writing was:

Finish quilt top 1

Finish quilt top 2

Build a sewing machine cover for sister

Next on list is:

Write this letter

Write reports for church committee

Start on a new quilt – a 100 block wonder

I started quilt tops one and two at two different classes last summer.  Several projects intervened and the tops were put away until after the holidays.  I told my sister I would make her a quilted cover for her sewing machine three years ago, and she reminded me again, so I put that on the list.  Good to have these three items checked off.  Of course, I need to ‘quilt’ tops 1 and 2.  When I return from Florida, I will put #2 on my long arm machine, but I think I will send #1 off to someone who is a professional ‘quilter’.  I love the piecing part of this work, and I am happy to do easy long arm quilting, but I have this #1 piece and another piece at home that I just can’t imagine finishing.

Now you know how I like to spend my time.  I am in Florida – on St. George Island – which is a barrier island off the “Forgotten Coast” – the Florida panhandle.  It is 60 or so degrees here – while it is 9 degrees in Pittsburgh.  I am here with my friend, Beth, from Rochester NY.  This is the third year we have rented a house on St. George Island – and this year we did it for two months instead of one.  A month is gone already – the days pass too quickly.  We look out the front window at the Gulf of Mexico – can see the sunrise and the sunset over the Gulf.  Most days, the horizon is so straight and clear.  I understand why our ancestors thought that if they sailed in one direction they would sail off the end of the earth. 

I turned 79 in December – the beginning of my 80^th year.  I figure that I am meant to celebrate this 80^th year – and I am practicing waking every morning with joy and thanksgiving.  My siblings and I have long outlived our family history – me with most reasonable health as well as the means to live in comfort.  For this I am grateful.

When I am not hanging out on this sand dune in Florida, I am living near daughter and her children and son and his children have been living with me in my Pittsburgh home.  Artist daughter, Julie, is currently teaching at the Waldorf School of Pittsburgh (art, woodworking, handwork as well as subbing in the middle school – she has learned geometry as the result of needing to teach it to  middle school students).  Julie is making some art in her off hours as well as vegetable gardening when weather permits.  (Biodynamic gardening is one of her interests).  Her most recent project has been “gourd birds” – the gourds coming from her garden.  Her web page is well outdated, but you can see the gourds and other of her art on her facebook page – Julie Stunden.  The birds are delightful.  

Son James graduated from nursing school last June – with a two year RN degree.  (He had been a firefighter for years, but suffered a severe injury and couldn’t continue that work; he was also an advanced practice paramedic).  Got his degree and passed his exams just as the two major health care systems in Pittsburgh became engaged in a war – both are also insurance carriers – and it has been awful.  It meant that jobs went away.  For the last couple of months he has been a substitute school nurse – and has really enjoyed that, and just this past week he started in one of the very big hospitals – a level one trauma center – as a nurse in the Emergency Department.  Hallelujah!!  He is also signed up to start school on-line at Western Governor’s University in March – to get his BSN.  Some of our children mature more slowly. 

Two grand daughters started college this fall.    Maeve (belongs to Julie)  is taking trips to NYC to march for causes and is taking classes such as world religions and world politics.  Ali, left school-away-from-home after one semester to come back and be with father and boyfriend, but has a 16 unit program at community college for this semester – heavy in the biological sciences.  Two grandsons are in high school (11^th and 10^th grades) and one grandson is in middle school at the Waldorf School.  All are moving forward nicely.  The 11^th grader, Jaxon (belongs to son), is an electric bass player, a guitar player and a writer of music that I don’t understand.  The 10^th grader, Liam  (belongs to daughter), got a bass for Christmas and is receiving lessons from the 11^th grader – a formalized process that seems to be working well. He is also making progress toward his black belt.   The 7^th grader, Gaven (belongs to son) initiated a petition to the school bus company to keep their bus driver this year – and his petition, much to everyone’s surprise including the driver’s, was successful. 

All beloved nephews and niece and grand nephews visited for either Thanksgiving or Christmas.  It was a special year that way as all adults had been (and still are ) a very big part of my life.

And that’s the immediate family update.  There are no spouses in the Pittsburgh picture.  Julie and James are spouse free at this time. 

I left work at the University of Wisconsin nine years ago this coming summer.  I can’t believe it has been so long.  Friends there who I thought were young have retired since I left.  Children who were very little are well grown.  These years have gone so fast.  I have been working for MOR Associates as a leadership coach since retirement from the University, part time – sometimes a bigger part of the time than at other times.  This past summer, I indicated that I really needed to not work that much any more, so, while I am not completely retired, I am working much less than I had been.  I have enjoyed the leadership coaching, and feel really good about having been able to work with folks to think through and implement how they could do their work (and sometimes their lives) differently. 

Needing to be part of something bigger than just me, though, I joined the local Unitarian Church, and can’t just be a member, but have this thing about being a leader.  So, I have been privileged and frustrated to be on some important committees.  I have made many new friends in Pittsburgh, mostly through the church, and some through the quilting community.

What’s next?  I am expecting my son and his family to leave my house in the near future – a job with a paycheck should let him do that.  Then I need to figure out how to live the next part of my life.  I don’t want a two-story house anymore.  I don’t want a walk that needs to be shoveled.  While I love my garden, I really can’t bend down to take care of it easily.  All of this says I need to leave my house behind.  So, that’s the next thing under consideration.  I have read Atul Gawande’s book, Being Mortal, and he poses interesting questions about how to live this late phase of life.  I’m thinking about some of the options he presents, options that Pittsburgh presents, options that will work for me 

This island in Florida has presented me the opportunity to have my nails manicured.  They are a bright pink.  I even had a one-foot pedicure and my toenails are green with a flower on the big toe.  Life is good for me.  My wishes for you are that your life is also good- that you experience joy on a daily basis.  My wishes for the world are more complex.  I guess the clearest one is that the killing stop and that “respect for the interdependent web of all existence  of which we are a part” is taught to and owned by every human being.  I won’t see this.  I hope my grandchildren and your grandchildren do.

So I end with one of my favorite quotes – from Jeremiah was a bullfrog – “Joy to the world, all the boys and girls now, joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea, joy to you and me”.

Annie

Annie Stunden    1112 Mifflin Ave    Pittsburgh PA 15218-1313

412-992-1313      annie.stunden@gmail.com

In my room on St. George Island

Rags is my traveling companion

Quilt top #1 “Starbursts”

Quilt top #2 – “Progress, not perfection”

Sunrise and Horizon – view from north side of Gulf of Mexico 

It's Thursday morning, May 22 and I am in the Penn Stater Hotel - ready to leave for Old Main and some coaching.  These are the last formal sessions for my Penn Staters in the CIC9 program.  I'll miss them, and I am looking forward to July when I am not on the road anymore this academic year.

I am looking out the window from the 5th floor at the mountains that surround this beautiful valley.  Just watched a squirrel run up a pine tree only to be scared back down by a big crow.  Somehow, I have to figure out how to spend time outside in beautiful and quiet places.  It has gotten harder to navigate the places that I would like to be with this bionic leg and ankle.  The one outside time in beautiful space that I know I will have is at 'the farm' in the Finger Lakes for a few days in August.  But I do stay put wherever I am, rather than wander and explore.  That is something I miss.

Grand son Gaven has his Waldorf School knighting ceremony this evening.  I will be home in time to help him get ready and be there with him.  I was on the phone with him this morning as he was trying to figure out how to carry his backpack, his saxophone, and the requisite bouquet of flowers to the school bus stop.  I hope the flowers arrive intact.

Grand daughter, Maeve has her high school prom tonight and she broke her right arm the day before yesterday. After much negotiation, she has the arm splinted such that she can attend the prom - beautiful black evening dress with accompanying splint.  Then she gets the arm cast tomorrow or early next week.

I have just a couple of days to finish the work on the Woodstock house so I can get a CO on it and we can close the sale.  I have grandsons and miscellaneous boyfriend scheduled to do yard clean up and some painting on Monday.  I just learned though, that the handyman who was fixing things could not figure out how to fix one of the windows.  I wonder if i can get a new window installed next week - actually need to install two windows or the dining room will be mismatched. Maybe, just maybe, Construction Junction has a couple of windows that are the right size.   It will be good when this house is no longer part of my life.

Life does happen when you are living it.  I do wish mine was just a bit simpler right now.

Friday morning, May 9 in the I-Hotel - Champaign-Urbana IL

The first leg of my flight home was cancelled, I imagine in anticipation of thunder storms.  And there is no way I can get from here to Chicago in time to pick up the next leg.  Tonight's flight on AA to PIT is full.  A few years ago, I would have rented a car and driven to Chicago and picked up some other flight home.  That doesn't work as I need a car with a left foot gas pedal and they are just not sitting in rental lots.  I have been renting from Enterprise since the amputation, and with two weeks notice, they will have a car waiting for me at the right Enterprise station.  But without the lead time, I can't get a car.  I wonder if it is easier to rent cars with hand controls.  But that's for futures.  I don't know how to use hand controls, and I would want some experience before I simply go for it.

Anyway, I am here at the I-Hotel - not home until afternoon tomorrow.  I have sent out notes canceling the morning quilting activities - and I was looking forward to that time.  But, it will come again.  Late afternoon tomorrow I am planning on taking my family to dinner - and then we head to CCAC for James' pinning ceremony.  He keeps trying to act like this RN degree is "no big deal", but he is very excited about it.

I am looking at the movie section of the local paper thinking that would be the way to spend a couple of hours.  Not too much interesting out there.  Think I will go see SpiderMan 2 at the I-Max.

So, my gmail inbox has 25,542 messages in it.  What do I do with them?  Most are absolutely irrelevant.  If I lost them all would it matter?  My former UW colleague and friend, John Peterson use to "accidently" wipe  out his email once a year or so.  He seemed to survive just fine.  I could probably figure out how to do that.  I do have a yahoo account that I look at very, very infrequently.  The only think it has is the Nolting long-arm quilters mail.  I could just leave the gmail account alone and adopt another mail platform that I tell my friends and work related folks about, and leave everything else going to the gmail box - then forget about the box.  I will ponder this a while longer.

Time to work on that expense report and then go see Peter Parker/SpiderMan 2.

(It's not raining here now.  The sky is blue.  There are, however, lots of big clouds out there).

May 2 in the morning -

Last day in Chicago for this trip.  This is a quick post - a shower experience and an idle thought or two.
One legged in the shower.  It really is important to have a towel right near the shower so I can dry this limb before dressing it with prosthesis.  I almost always do that, but not this morning.  And I can't hop - other leg doesn't do that well, and my balance ain't good enough.  Think a minute.  realize I did remember to put down the shower mat - and I didn't get it soaking wet.  It's a fine substitute towel.  I have observed before that every time I use a different bathing facility, I need to check it out and be planful about how I approach it.  This morning I forgot.

Second grandaughter got her driver's license yesterday.  First grandaughter got hers a year ago.  Both got permits near the same time.  One was anxious for the license - took the test four times before she passed, but did it in a short time span.  Second one only does things when she know she can do them perfectly.  So she passed on first try - but it took her a more than a year longer to achieve the level of perfection she was comfortable with.  Now first grandson (of three) has a permit.  This is scary.  He doesn't pay attention to anything around him except his guitar and bass.  I'll observe this with interest, but not sure I want to ride in a car he is driving.

I want to talk about Maeve's sermon in church last Sunday - but that's next post.

May 1 - Location - Medical Center Marriott, Chicago, IL

In Chicago this week working with the folks at the University of Illinois Hospital (mostly).  Spending the weekend with a friend then heading to Urbana for the next IT Leaders Program (ITLP) as well as time with the folks on the Urbana campus.  This is two weeks away straight.  I miss my dog.  I really took on a lot of work this year.  I love it - but this aging body does not love the airplanes - or the alarm clocks.  My idea of the best possible morning is to wake up when the sun shines and lie in bed with a book.  Recent fun books - a series by a British ex-pat living in Thailand, Colin Cotterill, who writes about the coroner of Laos - an elderly gentleman who is solving mysteries with his motley crew of friends and professional colleagues.  This all takes place in the 70's, after we left our military campaign in that part of the world.  Great written pictures of Laos at the time and fun mysteries.

More about socks - I am actually wearing a pair of mismatched socks - I have on culottes that show my socks, and not a single body notices.  Of course, when people can see my socks, they can also see my prosthetic leg, and I don't think they pay much attention to the socks, matched or not  (and they were the same color - pattern just a little bit off).

And about the leg - or really about the foot.  When I got this newest prosthesis - and I think that was the beginning of March - I got a new foot as well as a new socket.  Prior foot had a bit of side-to-side rocking motion, but no front-to-back motion - in effect, it was pretty much like that fused ankle I lived with for years.  This new foot (now eight weeks old to me), has front-to-back motion.  I feel less stable with this foot.  It is certainly friendlier to use on ramps (up and down) and on stairs too.  But I often feel as if I am going to fall forward forward or fall backward.  I haven't done that.  I have tripped and tumbled, but that's not new.  But it is the sense of instability back and forth that is challenging me.  So, do I want to return to the old foot?  Do I want to keep working with this one a while longer?  I haven't figured out what the decision point is.  I imagine, I will know it when I come to it.

Day is done for me.  Need to repack my bag tonight and be ready to check out of this hotel in the morning.  Gonna watch a few more episodes of MadMen.  (Not gonna report on washing machine sex again).

Thursday, April 24, 6:53am
State College PA - The Nittany Lion Inn

So much for blogging daily, huh?  I need to be dressed an out of this room by 7:15 - so this will be quick.

Yesterday was daughter Julie's 50th birthday.  This is not an easy time for her - and I don't think it is about the years.  Regardless, she is doing good stuff, tough stuff, stuff that makes my life a lot easier.  She is very special.  I love her so much.  (And we are going to go see The Lion King in Manhattan in May).

Watching reruns of Mad Men.  Had not seen it before.  Last night as I was watching, Betty had an orgasm with the rumbling washing machine.  Ouch.  These folks are my contemporaries.  It takes place in 1960 - and Betty is 28.  I was 25.  I remember those 'men-in-suits'.  As I deliberately recollect, I especially remember John B and Phil.  Certainly better than a washing machine.

Socks - where do they go?  Why do two go into the washer-dryer and only one come out?  I remember years ago someone telling me that she safety pinned her husbands (not hers because she was probably wearing panty hose then and me too) socks together before putting them in the washing machine so they would come out as pairs.  A little too compulsive for me.  I wonder if I can let myself wear whichever two socks my hands land on in the sock drawer.  If I land on a pair, fine.  If I land on two loose socks, fine.  Sometime I do that if I am going to be around the house all day.  Need to let myself do it for whenever.  Should take the same approach with earrings as I have many singles in my box.

Those are my morning thoughts.  Time to dress and go.

April 16, 2014

Made mistakes in yesterdays blog.  Only a year and a couple of months older than last post.  My date on that post was a year off.  Then, as I read yesterday's post, after I posted it of course, I found a few typos.  Wonder if I can post today without typos.

Joy was my waking thought.  Even though it was 27 degrees at 8 am in Pittsburgh.  The sun was out.  My pansies are still alive.  And I watched Mary Poppins last night.  Maybe it was ten days ago that I used my new ROKU box for the first time and watched "Saving Mr. Banks".  Many reviewers consider it one of the best movies of 2013 - and I truly enjoyed the movie.  It made me want to watch Mary Poppins again.  Then Monday night I watched "Dancing with the Stars" on TV.  This year, one of the "Stars" is Amy Purdy, a bilateral below the knee amputee and an Olympic bronze medal winner in snowboarding. She is a "must watch" for me.  Watching her challenges me to keep on movin'. Another pair of "stars" on the program are the two young folks who won the Ice Dancing Gold Medal at the Olympics, Meryl Davis and Charlie White.  And back to the JOY stuff.  It is Charlie White who gives me joy.  He danced to "Supercalifragiliticexpealidocioius" and I thought he was just wonderful.  I think I have the show taped and I am likely to watch Charlie do this dance again and again.  Watching Charlie is watching joy in action.  That led me to last nights time with Mary Poppins.  Turns out it wasn't a "watch it again" event.  I had never seen it before.  Another two hours of joy!!

 I am working at letting myself take the time to enjoy some of of this media stuff.  Watching TV at home - except for maybe a couple of hours a couple of night a week - has always given me a feeling of not doing what I was supposed to be doing (whatever that might be).  As I work my way to 80 years of living (about 16 months away),  I am giving myself permission to 'do' less and to just 'be' more.  I started this last year by lying in bed with a book for an hour and maybe more in the mornings.  Next I am going to work at letting myself watch some of the wonderful old movies with this magic box attached to my TV.

And now it is time to "do" a few things - like file away all the papers that are surrounding my desk as the result of tax time and just life in general.  But first, I am going to head down to the corner and get a haircut.

Two Years Older

It's April 15, 2014 - Tax Day.  And I haven't pushed "submit" on TurboTax yet or mailed my check to the IRS. That's very high on today's to-do list.  But somehow, I have been thinking that it is time to blog again - to blog about getting older and older and older.  As some wise said, that is better than the alternative - and that is true for a large part on life, but not for the last parts of it.  For me, it is still better - but I am watching my body and my mind slow down.  One of the most obvioius slowing down signs for me it that I only want to spend twleve or thirteen hours a day out of my bed.  My bedtime has become 9pm.  Mostly I wake up around 6:30 am (later on darker mornings), but I don't get out of bed until 8 ish.  More about this slowing down in the days to come.

One of the things I started the year off was a committment to gratitude.  I can't always hold onto that, but I am trying to keep coming back to it.  Yesterday morning when I came down to the kitchen and looked out of the window, I was assaulted - in the most wonderful way - with the weeping cherry trees in my side yard having burst into bloom over night.  Great beauty and joy right out my window.  Ceertainly cause for gratitude.  It set the whole day off right - even as I was finishing up the taxes.  Today, the temperature (and it is spring) here in Pittsburgh, has dropped to just above 30 degrees.  Sleet and snow are forcast.  I overslept because the sky is gray.  I came down to the kitchen to find a gas mask as well as an unwashed pan and crumbs from something on my kitchen counter.  My attitude of gratitude was seriously challenged.  As a matter of fact, I was ready to be cranky.  (I really like a clean kitchen and haven't had that luxury in years except when I pick up the stuff of those othere people in my house  - and more about that later too). Then I looked out the window at the blooming cherry trees - and they are surviving the cold just fine, thank you. Beyond the cherry trees, my neighbor's huge magnolia has just burst into bloom.  Cherry trees one morning, magnolia right behind them.  Thank you world.

This blog thing,  it is a meditative practice for me - an activity to quiet me mind and, like quilting, to reach toward my own soul.  I want to take regular time to do this.   I will see what tomorrow brings.

Monday, January 7, 2012

Getting ready for bed at the Penn Stater in State College.  Thinking about the process of getting ready - besides those regular things like washing my face and brushing my teeth and peeing.  Decided it is time to start blogging again - about getting older - actually about getting old.  So far, I think I look as if I am doing it with grace, but I am thinking about those extra bedtime steps that have to do with this aging body.  For me they are: taking out the hearing aid (this is a new activity), taking off the leg, cleaning the inner sleeve that sits on the leg (I use baby wipes to do that),  and cleaning the remaining leg part (again with baby wipes) then crawling into bed and when done with either TV or reading, taking off the glasses.  I think there is a haiku here, but I haven't gotten there yet.  I have never been the most attentive person in terms of body care - want to simply have to shower, dress and go and then do minimum steps at night too - simply about staying clean.  It's gotten more complicated.

I had an interesting experience at a TSA checkpoint about a month ago.  The officer (a female) looked at my driver's license, looked at me, looked at the license again and looked up and started with "You don't".  I interrupted her and said "I know I don't look that old, but you would know for sure how old I was if I took my clothes off".  I was 77 this December birthday.  I figure that really is old.  So, I am taking advantage of some of the gifts that being old brings - senior citizen prices at the movies (sometimes), folks giving me seats when I ride the Pittsburgh bus, folks picking things up when I drop them.  It gives me permission to go to bed early, to excuse myself early from evening events, and to be cranky or crotchety.

It also brings reflections about life, especially my life.  It brings thinking about how to live the rest of this life as it gets harder to be independent.  I'm going to pay some attention to that stuff in this blog as well as tell funny stories when they occur to me.

April 29, 2011 - A Saturday

New socket delivered on Monday.  This one is V-Pin technology - that's vacuum pin.  Artistically, it is a success.  I will get a picture out here, maybe before the day is over as I have grandchildren around to take one, and new technology that makes it easy to get from there to here.  So far, I am not having any limb problems with this socket.  However, I don't think it will be as easy to do the reciprocal stair thing with it as it was with the suction socket that I had that had to go.  What I can do however, that I couldn't do before (before is with the last working socket) is the elliptical bike or walking machine or whatever it is.  Now I need to get back to the gym and get working on it. And I went to Chico's one day this week and tried on pants, something I was not willing to do with the "before" socket because it was sometimes a challenge to get it on.  The prosthetist talked about "the pin dance" - all the stepping around that sometimes happens to get the pin in the ratchet based socket into the ratchet.  I didn't want to be in a dressing room doing the pin dance.  This new one is an easy on job.

Life has been too busy otherwise, and I'm not sure why.  And it's gonna keep being busy until the middle of June.  My plan is to do what has to be done - to quilt in between - to get back to the gym in between and get back to work on my body.  The bout of pneumonia and the socket that "had to go" set me back a bit.  But spring is here, my garden is beautiful and I have an urge to go a local nursery and buy some plants.  (I've been looking at on-line nurseries, but I need to touch the darn plants.  So, I'm gonna stack up the rest of the papers spread out on my dining room table and take that nursery trip.

A haiku as I was getting the first new socket -

Some feet work better
Some feet don't work at all
I want feet that dance

April 19, 2011

Measured for next socket this morning.  Instead of a cast, a computer image of my limb was generated.  Apparently that goes to a carving machine where a foam limb that matches mine is carved.  That foam is then used to create a plastic liner for the new socket.  This is done in Tempe Arizona as I am going with the V-Pin technology; it's newer technology; its being quality controlled by Hangar at the Tempe site for a while longer.  The liner is then sent back to Hangar here in Pittsburgh where a test socket is made using the liner as the model.  Next week I try on the liner and the test socket.  If it fits, that is then used as the basis for building the actual socket.  In this technology, the plastic liner has the V-Pin in it - the pin that causes the vacuum to form in the socket once its on.  I'll let you know how it works in a couple of weeks.  And now, I have to make a new cover for the socket so I have it ready next week when the final socket building takes place.  I'm working with very light fabrics, not my metier.  I'll figure this out.

Friday, April 15, 2011

The scoop on the limb and the prosthesis - new prosthesis did not fit exactly right.  Space between the bottom of the liner (which fits tightly on the limb) and the bottom of the socket.  Thus, this great technology which is supposed to pretty much a vacuum around the limb, left a vacuum space between the bottom of the limb and the bottom of the socket.  The bottom of my limb (distal surface) was  constantly sucked down by the vacuum pressure, but couldn't really go down, because the bottom was too far away (2cm).  Anyway, I returned to the old socket for now, and will be re measured for a new socket this coming Tuesday.  This time, instead of a casting, Hangar (the prosthetic makers) will use computer imaging of my leg - which they believe to be more exact.  And I am going to move on to the next newest technology - something called a V-pin - that's vacuum pin.  More descriptions of this in the future.  For me, it is aesthetically more pleasing than the suction system that I just parted with.  The suction system had a neoprene sleeve over much of the outside of the socket so you couldn't see the art.  I also believe there is more positive contact between the bottom of the limb and the bottom of the socket.

That's the story for now.  Still have a bit more healing to do but I haven't gotten any infections in the wounded area - and that's critical.  Will have a new socket in about two weeks.  Pneumonia is about all gone.  A couple of more days of limb healing and I hope to get back to the gym.

Monday, April 11. 2011

So - here's the scoop.  I am sitting at home in my wheelchair - I'm not in State College - and I'm not bounding around on the new leg.  I was bounding around on it yesterday.  Walked dog, Rags, up to "The Square" for his every three month grooming appointment and walked back.  Took myself to church.  Picked up Rags on way home (in car) and chatted with some neighbors as I was driving down our alley.  My son was at my house working on the gate for the new fence he is working on to keep Moose from leaving home when I'm gone.  He hadn't seen the new leg and was most impressed with my gait.  And I was becoming more impressed with it too.  Also was practicing the stair thing and getting better and better at it.  So we sat down in the yard and I took the leg off to show him how it worked.  When I took the gel liner off, we both looked at the limb and went "oh-oh - trouble"  Bottom of limb was covered with blisters, some of them popping.

Wheelchair was in the house as I had used it to move 50 pound bag of dog food from car to house. James moved dog food from chair, I got in chair, and I'm here for a couple of days.  Will use leg to go up and down stairs - for bed time and urgent requirements until this heals.  And no one at the prosthetist place on Sunday and no one in the rehab doc office.  And what would they do anyway.  So, I got prosthetist early this morning and went in for them to take a look.  Got to let limb heal before we can really figure out what is going on.  Limb is too swollen with this insult to go all the way into the prosthesis.  I am going to the prosthetic clinic on Wednesday and we'll see what comes of that.  Mostly I think I just have to wait a bit.  Good news, less good news.

On a different note, I was not planning on being home this week, so I took the opportunity today to sort piles of papers.  Filled a recycle bag with unneeded current papers.  It would be good to go through some of the older ones, and maybe tomorrow, I will take on a pile tucked in a less visible space.  I do want to sew - and I am going to shut this down and go make a couple of quilt blocks right now.  Think I will watch the news at the same time.  I am so disappointed with the state of our nation and the state of the world that I have turned off - not the right thing to do.  So I'll do the right thing and turn on CNN and see what Wolf is reporting for a bit.

I'll keep you posted.

April 9, 2011 = a Saturday

Compared to yesterday, this will be a brief post.  My goal for the day was to finish my tax returns.  I used TurboTax and had started the tax process before I went on vacation.  All done; all submitted; now I have to come up with some money for the feds by April 18.  I can do this.

And because I finished my work mid-afternoon - I took myself to the movies and saw The Lincoln Lawyer.  I liked the book.  The movie was pretty darn true to the book.  I liked the movie!

About the new leg..... I am more comfortable with it today than I was yesterday for sure.  I walk different with it.  I can feel the heel-toe movement in the foot.  Couldn't feel that with the other leg.  And didn't have it for many years before that with the fused ankle.  Also have a little more movement in the knee.  All of this makes walking feel a bit strange.  I am using a couple of different muscles in my upper thigh - maybe even in my belly to do this this walking thing.  It is most interesting, but I feel somewhat unstable.

There is a special clinic at Hangar prosthetics in Pittsburgh this coming week.  Hangar is/are the folks who make my prosthetic.  They are having one of their super-prosthetists visiting and reviewing clients with prosthetics.  I am supposed to be in State College, but I think I will come back to Pgh on Wednesday so I can be part of this clinic.  I'm going to call them Monday morning and see if I can still get scheduled.  I want to know that this thing and I will become much friendlier with each other.

And that's my brief update.  I'll keep you posted.

April 8, 2011

It's almost a year since my right leg was amputated.  And today, I got my third socket. It's a different kind of socket, and I'm not quite comfortable with it.  The last beauty was held on the limb by a pin and ratchet system.  This socket is held on the limb by suction.  Air goes out the bottom of the socket when you pop your limb into it.  Then, a hearty sleeve is pulled over a large part of the socket and up high on the thigh.   Now, limb from thigh down is encased like a sausage, sort of like being vacuum packed.  (There is a more sophisticated system where vacuum packing is really used, and that is likely to be next).  I think I will call the doc and see if I can't get some PT so that I really master this.  I want to be able to go down stairs reciprocally.  I think this socket will support that, but I need some help figuring out how to do it and then practicing that.

In terms of beauty, I had made another covering for this socket - and I will get some pictures of it and put them out here (I think I can figure that out) as well as on my facebook page.  I am not as pleased with this socket as art as I am with the first one.  Maybe, it's because the big black sleeve covers a large part of the socket, and maybe it's because I didn't put enough colors in it.  What I learned it that once the covering (tattoo in prosthetic terms) is fitted to the socket, resin is poured over all.  The resin has deepened/darkened the colors of the tattoo - and because it wasn't as multi-colored to start with, it is less interesting,  This is another learning experience.

I was away last week with my Santa Fe Women (SFW) friends.  We stayed at a place on Marco Island, Florida.  Did some walking, took a boat ride in the Everglades, but the really exciting thing for me was a kayaking trip on an inland bayou.  It had been a few years since I thought I could get in and out of a kayak.  We were in open top kayaks, and with a little help, I was able to get in and out.  Getting in and out  did mean walking in the water with the prosthetic foot, and the foot filled with water during the walk.    It was very heavy on the way back to the hotel.  Then I took off the leg and dumped, not realizing how much water there really was in it.  Quite a bit, it turns out.  Prosthetist said that fresh water probably won't hurt the foot (there are mechanical parts in it that move and shake as I walk), but if I was in salt water, I for sure needed it cleaned out.  Anyway prosthetist, Sam, cleaned it up this morning as part of the whole "new leg" business, so I am good to go there.  I am NOT going to white water, but I am looking forward to more float trips.

Among my SFW friends, I am the most unreasonable eater.  A couple of them (much smaller than me to start with) are currently doing Weight Watchers  (WW) - with great success - and a couple have done it in the past.  So, my friends really encouraged me to more rational eating and I went to a WW meeting this week with one of them.  Hopefully, this puts me back on a sane food plan and I can begin again, to work on removing those excess pounds.

I went off to Florida in the early recovery stages from a bout of walking pneumonia.  I am almost done with it.  I am heading to State College to work next week, and when I come home, I am planning to be fully recovered from the pneumonia so that I can go back to the gym.

And now I am off to an fiber art show at the Pittsburgh Center for the Arts.  I have a friend with a most interesting quilt hanging in the show and I want to be there with her when the show opens.  Time to spiff up and go.

February 13, 2011

It's a Sunday morning and I am skipping church so that I don't get in a time bind in just a little while. I am taking my grand daughter AliBeth to lunch and to the Pittsburgh Ballet in an hour and a half. We will be sure to enjoy lunch and I hope we enjoy the ballet, it's a performance of Dracula.

I just returned for a week away - with IT Leaders programs - at Penn State University in State College PA and then to Green Bay for a University of Wisconsin program. This work continues to energize me - leadership development with folks that I consider "young" from these different university systems. It was really a treat to be back in Wisconsin with some folks that I knew when I was there, but mostly with folks who were new faces to me, and of course with my friend Kathy, the CIO at UW-Green Bay. Brian, our fearless leader, talked about a couple of things at these programs that are pertinent to me right now - change - and how our brain integrates new behaviors (practice, practice, practice). I have been thinking about these things on a very personal level, so I'm going to ruminate a bit in this blog.

I am committed to addressing body issues this year. For me, that's about an exercise program and a weight reduction program. To those ends, I have joined a new health club and I have joined weight watchers. I'm going to both. The gym thing is much easier than the weight thing. If you go to the gym, you work out while you are there, and you get stronger. I am working with a trainer - that's simply something that happens when you join this place - ten sessions - I'm up to session five tomorrow - and we are figuring out what will work best for me. In terms of endurance work, I can't do the bicycles or rowing machines with this prosthetic (that's another story and I'll get to it, if not today, in a couple of days - because it is a big "change" thing for me - and a bit scary) but I can do the treadmill - and I can watch CNN while I do it so I don't get freaky about "wasting time" - my brain has a place to be. Jonas, the trainer I am working with is working with me on some of the weight machines - and also on stretching - and that feels so good. My sense is that all I have to do is show up and this program will work.

The weight thing is much harder. Showing up doesn't do it. I even went to a weight watchers meeting in State College this week - but you don't lose weight by going to the meetings. You have to put the program into practice 100% of the time. I can more-or-less do that if I am at home, but I am not yet able to do it when I am out and the food is in front of me. Buffets - and there are lots of them in the places I go - are killers. I can do the salad bar - but there is all of this other stuff - and I just want to taste it - and then taste it again. I have mostly passed up desserts, but then there are the chocolate taffy nuggets (like malt balls, but with taffy inside) on the break table at Penn State. I have not been able to pass them up. I know I have a brain with some addiction wired into it. And I've worked hard to leave some major stuff behind, but this food stuff still has me. I'm going to be home for the next two weeks, and I am going to work at the program trying to reset my brain around food during that time. And I will keep showing up at the meetings (and that's hard for me to do if I am not showing a change (down) on the scales). This is a huge personal challenge for me.

And now the prosthesis thing. Turns out, when I am working out in the gym, I get sweaty - sort of supposed to - but the sweat on the limb in the gel liner (and that liner holds the prosthetic leg and foot on) causes the liner to slip - and I find myself with the liner maybe an inch - maybe more lower than the end of the limb. A bit weird. I figure out that, when I am done exercising I need to take off the liner, dry off the limb, dry off the inside of the liner, and dress the limb back up again. But it didn't seem to me this should be happening. Liners come in different sizes. The liners (I have two, I wash one every day so it is ready for the next day) were fitted when I got my first prosthesis. The limb has shrunken substantially since then. So I wondered if it was time for, new, smaller liners. So, I made an appointment to see Harry - a new (to me) prosthetist. (Bobby, who I have been working with since the amputation has gone off to run a West Virginia office for Hangar - my prosthetics group. So I saw Harry last Monday morning - just before taking off for State College. Harry had just come back from a week's training session on new technologies/equipment so he was full of information. Harry measured my limb and agreed that I certainly needed a new liner - but with a new liner comes a new socket. (You have probably all checked out my quilted socket by now). And then Harry started talking to me about different kinds of sockets - and he thinks that I should have a different kind of socket. My socket is held to my limb by a screw on the bottom of the liner and a ratcheting device in the socket. Harry suggests that sockets that are held on my suction pressure or by vacuum pressure are much friendlier to the limb. The liners can't rub up and down on the limb as the liner that ratchets in does. Also, the inflexible part of the socket does not have to come up as high on the limb so that riding stationary bikes and working rowing machines cease to be impossibilities. But they are different. Getting in and out of them is a different experience. Learning to use them appropriately is a new challenge. (And I would have to figure out a new quilt covering - but that part will be fun). This liner and socket has become so easy. I know how to slip into the liner and the socket quickly in the night when I need to go to the bathroom. I have learned to walk well in it. I don't carry a cane unless I am looking at ice on the ground. This week I had "A" seats in two of the airplanes (I usually try for "B" seats which are on the aisle with my prosthetic limb on the aisle side) and I was able to slip into and out of the seats and was comfortable on the flights (they were short - on a long flight I would be more adamant about the aisle seat). I feel as if there is a "spring" in my step again. And Harry thinks I should change that. I told Harry I would check back in with him in about six weeks. In the meantime, I am going to plan a little more time for the gym so that I can dry the liner and limb after the treadmill and again after the weights and stretching. And I will take son James with me on next visit to Harry so I have someone who thinks about me and this stuff with me while I decide what my next prosthesis will be. There are four options - (1) what I have but smaller again, (2) V something - a screw and ratchet system but the screw is hollow so that air pushes out as you insert the limb in the socket and you have some modest suction, (3) suction, and (4) vacuum. I need to do more research on the pluses and deltas of each of these before I take the next step.

So - this is where I am now in my public ruminations. It's time to get dressed, get AliBeth, head to lunch (someplace where I can have sushi which is fine on the weight watchers plan and she can have something else) and head to Dracula. More about all of this as time goes by.

January 30 2011, Sunday

An early morning observation, if you only have one foot, you only have one set of toenails, so cutting toenails takes just half as much time. Gifts come in the strangest ways.

Yesterday was an absolutely do nothing day for me - and I'm working at thinking that was okay. I awoke at 6 am and picked up the book I was reading Barbara Kingsolver's Prodigal Sumer. (My book club is discussing it this coming Thursday). I didn't get out of bed until I finished it, not even to feed the dogs. Got up ad 12:45, but on some flannel clothes, fed the dogs, checked e-mail and sat down in front of the TV. Never do I do this. I watched two John Wayne western movies, fed myself and the dogs modestly in between the movies, and then went back to bed (by now it is 8 pm and dark and dreary out). Picked up another book , The Inside of a Dog, and was aslepp by 9 o'clock. What a weird day this was for me. Can't do this again for a long time.

The day before was really busy with two stints at the gym and snow shoveling. Perhaps that was what it was about. That level of work out had the nerves in the limb really talking to me - and that is not a comfortable conversation.

And now for another busy - and fun - day. Off to the 9:30 church service - lunch and the theater (Carousel) with grand daughter, AliBeth, then to dinner with friends. And tomorrow, I simply can't pull another lazy day because it is full too.

Send out good thoughts to the universe for sunshine.

January 20, 2011

Not blogging very much anymore, am I? I used the blog as a way to tell my friends what was going on with the leg amputation process and learning to walk with a prothesis. It also helped me ponder and diary this difficult time for myself. And now that I am back to living my daily life without that being my major preoccupation, I have neglected this thinking, record keeping and communication strategy. And maybe that's okay. There are things I could certainly write about because life is always interesting and often comical. It's just that it's not the stuff of high drama that having a leg cut off represents. So - here's the haiku (not quite)

Do I keep blogging?

Do I use facebook instead?

Decisions decisions.

I do put an occasional entry on facebook. It's a medium that supports cryptic messages, in other words, quick and dirty. And because I visit facebook daily to check on the status of my daughter and grandchildren in Cape Town, it's easy to drop a quick message there. Blogging requires a bit more thought, and for me, more time. And there are a lot of stories to tell, if I elect to take the time to tell them, and if I had any idea if any one wanted to read them. For example:

I am now in Champaign-Urbana and getting here from Pittsburgh was a 27 hour adventure by plane and then bus. Bags arrived three days later. American Airlines paid me money for the inconvenience. Struggled with hotel about rooms with walk-in showers. This summary does not tell the story and it would take a while.

Do I tell stories about the trip to South Africa - Kruger National Park, Robbens Island with a prior political prisoner (personal tour), the townships, the glorious landscape, being with family? Multiple stories here to tell.

Then there is the story about the wound on my head. (Oh, also the one about falling getting out of bed in South Africa because I was half asleep and forgot I didn't have a leg). But back to the wound on my head. Could it be African Sleeping Sickness? Was I gonna be dead soon? (Answer is no, but question was asked and I lived with it for a couple of days).

Another blog opportunity - what's next for me? I am pondering whether I want to continue to live in my house. Probably not. Then what do I want to do, how do I want to live instead? And can I part with some of the beautiful stuff that I have surrounded myself with if I decide to live smaller?

Lots of stuff. Shall I take the time to write it down? If I only write occasionally is that enough? Do I need a more deliberate practice of putting my thoughts into words? Is a blog the right format?

So, I am thinking in this electronic media instead of in a paper diary.

And now, because I have an evening to myself in a lovely hotel in Champaign, IL, I'm going to see if there is a movie on TV.